for Shifters: Escape1/10/2012 c10 kyoshieru
Are you really gonna drop this story? That's too bad. I, personaly, really like this story of yours.
Are you really gonna drop this story? That's too bad. I, personaly, really like this story of yours.
12/29/2011 c10 bramblerage
I saw five or six 'Nathan's in there but oh well. I don't know, for some reason I didn't like this one. It was too...abrupt and kinda difficult to follow. But it was still pretty good. Love your writing! Keep it up!
I saw five or six 'Nathan's in there but oh well. I don't know, for some reason I didn't like this one. It was too...abrupt and kinda difficult to follow. But it was still pretty good. Love your writing! Keep it up!
12/3/2011 c8 
1NightStalker97
AW...I understand, I guess. But just to let you know, I thoroughly enjoyed what you had on this. You did a wonderful job with it!
1NightStalker97AW...I understand, I guess. But just to let you know, I thoroughly enjoyed what you had on this. You did a wonderful job with it!
11/29/2011 c7 NightStalker97
Haha! Now I've read all the current chapters! Again, great plot. My favorite character would be...hm..it's a toss between Adeline and Casey. I wish I could Shift. I'd love to be a horse, or maybe an owl (preferably Snowy). Please update as often as you can!
Haha! Now I've read all the current chapters! Again, great plot. My favorite character would be...hm..it's a toss between Adeline and Casey. I wish I could Shift. I'd love to be a horse, or maybe an owl (preferably Snowy). Please update as often as you can!
11/29/2011 c1 NightStalker97
This is a very good and original idea! You pack so much detail into your paragraphs; I love that! Please keep up the good work!
This is a very good and original idea! You pack so much detail into your paragraphs; I love that! Please keep up the good work!
10/10/2011 c5 2JP Lacey
Yeah, I just PM-ed you telling you that I was going to review. . .well, here I am haha!
This story is great! You have a cast of unforgettable characters, and I am already liking the plot. Everything about this story is excellent and amazing, and it is probably one of the best stories I have read on FictionPress to date. I love it so much.
And I wanted to thank you again for that review you left me a couple weeks ago. I know it probably wasn't that big a deal to you, but it made me so much happier for all of these weeks. I'm sure you understand how happy it can make a person to get a single review, letting them know that someone out there is reading your story and enjoying it :)
And I am thoroughly enjoying this story :)
Write more soon!
~JP Lacey
2JP LaceyYeah, I just PM-ed you telling you that I was going to review. . .well, here I am haha!
This story is great! You have a cast of unforgettable characters, and I am already liking the plot. Everything about this story is excellent and amazing, and it is probably one of the best stories I have read on FictionPress to date. I love it so much.
And I wanted to thank you again for that review you left me a couple weeks ago. I know it probably wasn't that big a deal to you, but it made me so much happier for all of these weeks. I'm sure you understand how happy it can make a person to get a single review, letting them know that someone out there is reading your story and enjoying it :)
And I am thoroughly enjoying this story :)
Write more soon!
~JP Lacey
9/25/2011 c5 6emodinosaurX3
I'm a little confused as to why these high school students have childish swimsuits and towels. I mean, don't get me wrong; I love Lion King, and I'm a college freshman, but I think a lot of it has to do with me being a girl. It doesn't seem realistic to me for a sophomore boy to sport a Lion King towel, at least not in public. Or Spiderman or Spongebob swimming trunks, or a floral one-piece. Sophomore year is the year especially where teenagers like to feel grown up, since they're fifteen-sixteen years old. Girls like to dress sexy and mature, and boys like to dress more manly. The swimsuits you gave your characters seemed a little unrealistic. Just something to think about.
6emodinosaurX3I'm a little confused as to why these high school students have childish swimsuits and towels. I mean, don't get me wrong; I love Lion King, and I'm a college freshman, but I think a lot of it has to do with me being a girl. It doesn't seem realistic to me for a sophomore boy to sport a Lion King towel, at least not in public. Or Spiderman or Spongebob swimming trunks, or a floral one-piece. Sophomore year is the year especially where teenagers like to feel grown up, since they're fifteen-sixteen years old. Girls like to dress sexy and mature, and boys like to dress more manly. The swimsuits you gave your characters seemed a little unrealistic. Just something to think about.
9/12/2011 c3 emodinosaurX3
It's official. I am a Casey James Beyr fan girl. He's so adorable, and I want him for myself. ^-^ Sorry Adeline, but whatever is planned for the future, well, you cannot have Casey. I call dibs. xD
The snow scene was nice. It was cute seeing the friendship between Adeline and Jake, although I do feel so bad for Jake when someone interrupts their together-time. (*ahem* Casey.)
And, the almighty Google knows all ... even Adeline's house. Gotta love Google Maps. xD I loved that line, though, when Adeline asked Casey how he knew where she lived and he was all, *insert shy face* "Google." Dah! More reason as to why I love him. x3
I can't remember what I initially wanted to say in my critiquing. Darn. /: But I do remember the last thing. At the end, in Casey's story, or whatever you want to call it, the appropriate phrase would most definitely not be "drug himself out of bed," unless you're referring to actual drugs like cigarettes and weed. The correct past tense word for "drag" would be "dragged." "He DRAGGED himself out of bed and, seeing the piles of snow out his window, decided that today was most likely a snow day."
Anywho, that is all I have for now. c: I'm actually getting kind of tired, so I'll read the latest chapter of your story perhaps tomorrow. (:
It's official. I am a Casey James Beyr fan girl. He's so adorable, and I want him for myself. ^-^ Sorry Adeline, but whatever is planned for the future, well, you cannot have Casey. I call dibs. xD
The snow scene was nice. It was cute seeing the friendship between Adeline and Jake, although I do feel so bad for Jake when someone interrupts their together-time. (*ahem* Casey.)
And, the almighty Google knows all ... even Adeline's house. Gotta love Google Maps. xD I loved that line, though, when Adeline asked Casey how he knew where she lived and he was all, *insert shy face* "Google." Dah! More reason as to why I love him. x3
I can't remember what I initially wanted to say in my critiquing. Darn. /: But I do remember the last thing. At the end, in Casey's story, or whatever you want to call it, the appropriate phrase would most definitely not be "drug himself out of bed," unless you're referring to actual drugs like cigarettes and weed. The correct past tense word for "drag" would be "dragged." "He DRAGGED himself out of bed and, seeing the piles of snow out his window, decided that today was most likely a snow day."
Anywho, that is all I have for now. c: I'm actually getting kind of tired, so I'll read the latest chapter of your story perhaps tomorrow. (:
9/12/2011 c2 emodinosaurX3
Your story line is very interesting. I love the idea of shapeshifting into an animal. (I wish I could. :c) I have a few critiques I'd like to make, however.
1. I think this was from the last chapter, but you wrote the EPIC in "cloudywithachanceofEPIC!'s" name in all lower caps towards the end. Just letting you know.
2. Okay, back to the second chapter. I found some things that I guess I can say I didn't deem necessary to include, such as the long list of Adeline's friends from another school. Merely saying she has other friends is enough. Also, some of the parentheses used weren't necessary either (i.e. "(Casey hadn't answered Collin's question, and nobody really felt like talking, anyway)" or "(she'd worn ones that didn't have to be tied today)"). Most, or probably all, can be taken out without creating any dents or confusion in your story. It's just unnecessary text.
3. I take it that the shifter website is an amateur one, considering the dialogue is too casual and immature to be monitored by a professional? Just wanted to clear that up.
4. Referring to the class type of shifter, you say, "The second floor is for Third Class Shifters, or Shifters that are born into a normal family. The third floor is for Second Class Shifters, Shifters with one Shifter parent, and the fourth floor is for Third Class Shifters, or full-blooded Shifters." So, are Third Class Shifters full-blooded or not, because I would assume if a Shifter had a normal family, they wouldn't be full-blooded. That's just my understanding of it. Hopefully you can clarify.
5. My last critique before I move on to reading chapter three. Referring to the Spy class for Shifters, I wasn't aware house cats were capable of flying ... You explained that "spies often turn into smaller, often flight-capable, animals such as bats, HOUSE CATS, and some birds." Perhaps you meant just smaller and agile? Again, something to look back at.
So, with that said, I will whisk away to the next chapter. Oh! And, I wanted to say, I do love Jake. He adds brilliant comic relief. (x And I think I might become a Casey fangirl. I can't wait to see what kind of shifter he is. :D
Your story line is very interesting. I love the idea of shapeshifting into an animal. (I wish I could. :c) I have a few critiques I'd like to make, however.
1. I think this was from the last chapter, but you wrote the EPIC in "cloudywithachanceofEPIC!'s" name in all lower caps towards the end. Just letting you know.
2. Okay, back to the second chapter. I found some things that I guess I can say I didn't deem necessary to include, such as the long list of Adeline's friends from another school. Merely saying she has other friends is enough. Also, some of the parentheses used weren't necessary either (i.e. "(Casey hadn't answered Collin's question, and nobody really felt like talking, anyway)" or "(she'd worn ones that didn't have to be tied today)"). Most, or probably all, can be taken out without creating any dents or confusion in your story. It's just unnecessary text.
3. I take it that the shifter website is an amateur one, considering the dialogue is too casual and immature to be monitored by a professional? Just wanted to clear that up.
4. Referring to the class type of shifter, you say, "The second floor is for Third Class Shifters, or Shifters that are born into a normal family. The third floor is for Second Class Shifters, Shifters with one Shifter parent, and the fourth floor is for Third Class Shifters, or full-blooded Shifters." So, are Third Class Shifters full-blooded or not, because I would assume if a Shifter had a normal family, they wouldn't be full-blooded. That's just my understanding of it. Hopefully you can clarify.
5. My last critique before I move on to reading chapter three. Referring to the Spy class for Shifters, I wasn't aware house cats were capable of flying ... You explained that "spies often turn into smaller, often flight-capable, animals such as bats, HOUSE CATS, and some birds." Perhaps you meant just smaller and agile? Again, something to look back at.
So, with that said, I will whisk away to the next chapter. Oh! And, I wanted to say, I do love Jake. He adds brilliant comic relief. (x And I think I might become a Casey fangirl. I can't wait to see what kind of shifter he is. :D
8/28/2011 c3 3She is Perfectly Flawed
HAHAHA "You write about yourself in third person?"
Amazing.
Although if I were Addy I would have gone more along the lines of "Someone SAW you? And you came HERE?"
Or something equally as rational. Hehe.
Amazing work. I loved this chapter.
And poor Jake. =(
I'm still hoping he's a Shifter somehow. LOL
3She is Perfectly FlawedHAHAHA "You write about yourself in third person?"
Amazing.
Although if I were Addy I would have gone more along the lines of "Someone SAW you? And you came HERE?"
Or something equally as rational. Hehe.
Amazing work. I loved this chapter.
And poor Jake. =(
I'm still hoping he's a Shifter somehow. LOL
8/22/2011 c1 5Whirlymerle
[I manged to pin it on Harrison] managed?
[Biology, unfortunately] not that it means anything, but biology was one of my favorite classes. Seriously, bio makes the world go round :P
[none of them explained...or why exactly they were so horrible they had to be murdered.] truth of humanity, we fear/hate what we don't know :P
One aspect about your writing that I thought was very strong was the dialogue. At flowed very naturally, I especially like this: "Don't rush the genius" lol!
My one complaint is that I feel like "Just don't announce this website. That wouldn't be very nice. We have the address to our camp on here" sounded very unprofessional. I don't know if it's supposed to be satirical, but I feel like the website should have more security measures? I mean, what if a hunter comes across this. They wouldn't hesitate to announce the website, right?
I thought the premise was interesting. And I like how shifters in this story use websites, so modern and up to date. :D
~Merle
5Whirlymerle[I manged to pin it on Harrison] managed?
[Biology, unfortunately] not that it means anything, but biology was one of my favorite classes. Seriously, bio makes the world go round :P
[none of them explained...or why exactly they were so horrible they had to be murdered.] truth of humanity, we fear/hate what we don't know :P
One aspect about your writing that I thought was very strong was the dialogue. At flowed very naturally, I especially like this: "Don't rush the genius" lol!
My one complaint is that I feel like "Just don't announce this website. That wouldn't be very nice. We have the address to our camp on here" sounded very unprofessional. I don't know if it's supposed to be satirical, but I feel like the website should have more security measures? I mean, what if a hunter comes across this. They wouldn't hesitate to announce the website, right?
I thought the premise was interesting. And I like how shifters in this story use websites, so modern and up to date. :D
~Merle