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11/11/2011 c1 Silver Sparke
The imagery at the beginning was great. It was very well written and I could picture the setting in my mind. 

The overall piece was good. I felt like it took a while to understand the character completely; I finally did when you talked about Nazi Germany. 

I think using "click clack" was a good idea, because it helped pace the story and break apart her thoughts. 

I didn't like the "Aaaoooo" at the end though... It seemed strange. Without it, the ending would be much more powerful. 

Great job :)

~Silver Sparke
9/28/2011 c1 16Ioga
So this one got Scandinavia and onomatopoe - no wait, the word is something else, but means harmonic-sounds anyways - points.

The overall pull and concept of the story was fun. I thought it was a surprising interpretation of the prompt once I heard it.

It was really sweet to have the crazy little old lady be lethally crazy because of lost children. It's so morbidly black, yet so human. It made this a bit of a ghost story - well, the haunting kids got her to join them in the end.

I had two mental parsery issues with this story. First, she sat "perched on an icy blue lake". I tend read my English rather more literally than I should, but if someone is using an icy lake as a perch, I get this image of them sitting in the middle of the frozen lake (it's a good view, like a good perch is!), knitting - an interesting choice of location, no doubt about that. But then halfway through, it turned out the ice on the lake was turning into slush. Then I was worried she'd go and sink with her folding chair. (Hah, I imagined it as a rocking chair, ignoring the folds. But a chair's a chair's a chair!)

Second, the dogs dragging her stiff (rigor mortis and/or frozen) corpse in to "warm her" (across half the lake, in my world view, even). It left me both uncertain over whether she was supposed to survive after all, with the help of double-Lassie canine brilliance, and wondering about the double-Lassie canine brilliance part to boot.

Now, if I were a wolf descendant with a Norwegian or a Polish name referring to a cruel beast, I'd have dragged her back to the house for a completely different reason.

Unlike revenge, deceased old ladies who used to feed you are a dish best served pleasantly warm - while the fire hasn't quite gone out yet. ;)

(But then I have a thing for strange old ladies. See Draco's Tale. O:))

Thanks for another pleasant twisting of the imagination! You write stories that make much better prompts than the WCC prompts by themselves. Mental tackleberries, they are.
8/14/2011 c1 1MysterySphere
The opening worked quite well. The knitting pulled me in very easily, and I feel like the opening set the mood for the rest of the story really well.

I can't say I liked the ending. I can see where you were going with it, but I personally didn't enjoy it. To me, it didn't feel like an ending.

My favorite scene was the opening. Not much actually happened in the story due to its length, but I was still interested in it because the opening scene set the tone so well.

The technique is one thing I had a bit of an issue with. While the repetition of clicks and clacks felt interesting at first, I believe it lost its effectiveness too quickly, even though the story was quite short.

Still, an enjoyable short piece.
8/14/2011 c1 5Luridpretty
I like your repetition of "kitting" at the beginning, it sets a tone of frantic-ness, as if she's pursuing this like it's her only hope...which it is. I also like the ending where it tells you about what happened with her children, it's very sad and really tugs at your heart. I think that "lady" in the beginning would flow better if it were replaced by "woman", but that's just a personal preference. Great job and good luck in the contest :)
8/13/2011 c1 15Katalina Tomas
Hmm. The ending wasn't really needed, but it didn't take away from this either. I liked the italics, the repetitiveness of the "click clack click clack." Best of luck in the WCC!

8/11/2011 c1 8Adrenalin
I loved the way you used the click clack to pace your story. I wouldn't have used italics to make it stand out though (but using italics is a personal pet peeve of mine).

The subject is sad but I loved how you treated it. There's a sort of distance, of irony in the retelling of those horrible events, that suggest that maybe she's forcing herself to think of it that way, to justify her actions. The presence of two dogs made me think that maybe she had seeked a replacement for her children? Or a way to atone?

I didn't like the Aaaaaaoooooo at the end though. It felt unnecessary.

Good luck in the WCC.
8/10/2011 c1 21Sercus Kaynine
I love it when something like this comes along. Anything that starts off with an old lady knitting on FP is sure to be interesting. That, added to the intensity of the lady's past, the repetition of words, and the beautiful imagery throughout made for a thoroughly original piece.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
8/10/2011 c1 wisedec4u
RG Depth:

The opening drew me write in to the story. The manic way she is knitting conveys a woman in desperate state of mind, almost on the brink of insanity.

I enjoyed your writing style. It was quickly paced, flowed well and easily gave us insight to the old woman character. Her thoughts of the doctor’s advice also gave her a cynical sense of humor. I also liked your used of the “click-clack” of the knitting needles which gave me clear visual to go along with the narrative.

Your characterization of the old woman was wonderful. Your descriptions of her clothing alone, was enough to give me a sense of who this woman was. As you told the story of children being taking away by the Nazi, I could truly sympathize with her. This was something that has haunted her all her life. Even at 96 she still can’t fight the ghost that are haunt her.

The ending was very well done. The fact that the dogs could see her spiral into insanity over her children and had to be the ones to pull her away made a perfect ending to a poignant tale of lost. I enjoyed reading this very much.
8/9/2011 c1 6lalala445
SO let me get this straight. An elderly woman, age 96, had a daughter, of which was tooken away by Nazi? And the woman was knitting in the cold o the mountains in poland? And her dogs rescued her? An I getting this? Thanks! Oh and by the way, after I wrote that out, I thought it was very good and well written!
8/7/2011 c1 11Javajive
Dear Dragon,

Oh, this was such a treat and a surprising setting. I'm always feeling very inadequate reviewing pieces I really like because Javajive over-gushing sounds stupid, but I thought this was just beautiful the way you unfold the old woman's heartbreaking story.

Nazi-occupied Poland, two disabled children, you do the maths ...Ah, I really liked this, and the pure unemotional simplicity of it. Something so hard to talk about you find a way to sound uninvolved to be able to bear it.

I notice that you use repetition like in your other stories very effectively. The 'click clacking' all through this, brings a beautiful rhythm. And somehow the mundane backdrop makes the horror of the story you're telling all the more poignant.

"'Trust me,' the doctor had said. Why? she had thought. - I liked this line a lot. :) I've always been suspicious of people who say "trust me". More often than not it sends warning flags shooting up.

And the ending, with the dogs howling, the enormous pile of clothes the old woman leaves behind for children who she could not protect. - Ah, goose bumps.

It seems the prompt has inspired some hauntingly beautiful writing all around. Good luck with the competition. I haven't read all the stories yet, but this definitely goes among my favorites so far. - Java
8/4/2011 c1 18Stephanie M. Moore
This is nice, very nice.

I think the click-clack is a great tool for pacing everything. And the reveal was very elegant- well-planned and almost chilling because of it.

The last couple of lines were wonderful, too. All in all, a very poignant piece (to borrow one of the other reviewer's words.)

Great job and best of luck!
8/4/2011 c1 1galileotheweirdo
FFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Poignant as ever. I felt similar vibes with Current Echos, but darker and more foreboding. All in all, great story. The building of suspense with the onomatopoeia of knitting was very effective. And clearly the reviewer below me doesn't know that Australians and Brits spell it 'maths' instead. :)
8/4/2011 c1 7rgarner31
hey, figured ide drop by to check out my competition :P

bad news first: i spotted a spelling error. at the bottom, "you do the maths," i think it should be "you do the math"

good news: loveeeee this story! its creative and a totally different take on the prompt :) I really feel bad for this lady, doomed to forever long for her lost children. I also like how you incorporate her story with her actions... nice blend :)

Good luck in the contest!
8/2/2011 c1 too.much.of.water
My gosh, I alway love everything that you write. You've alway got such original ideas which are so well written it's just like, wow. The poor woman though, I feel really terrible for her and you've somehow managed to keep that backstory clear and concise while still incorporating the emotion of the story line. The click-clacking's a brilliant rhythmic technique to keep the story flowing and yeah, just overall excellent job :)

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