for From Where All Gods Spring8/30/2011 c1 
7YourCritic
So, loving the rhyming. :)
Not loving the syllables though - there are too many! It's a little bit too random to be more than thoughts that you've decided should rhyme to make it like a poem. Unless you were going for the whole disjointed syllables thing as an allegory for the world? ;)
Basically, you really get into the flow when your lines are about 8 syllables long - lines 6-9 are pretty awesome when you read them out loud, because it's so rhythmic. Do you see what I mean?
Anyway, nice thoughts. Your last line was fun. Pure relativism - idealistic, but fun.
7YourCriticSo, loving the rhyming. :)
Not loving the syllables though - there are too many! It's a little bit too random to be more than thoughts that you've decided should rhyme to make it like a poem. Unless you were going for the whole disjointed syllables thing as an allegory for the world? ;)
Basically, you really get into the flow when your lines are about 8 syllables long - lines 6-9 are pretty awesome when you read them out loud, because it's so rhythmic. Do you see what I mean?
Anyway, nice thoughts. Your last line was fun. Pure relativism - idealistic, but fun.