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for Not By Blood

5/26/2013 c24 insert.witty.username.here
This is such a good story and Astrid is absolutely kickass (and I really love her name). Her view on the world is very refreshing and even the cliches you include seem so original.

I wish Astrid and Lucas would stop tiptoeing around the subject and both just admit they like each other.

Please please please update soon!

And good luck in your exams I hope they are going well!
5/26/2013 c24 kissedbytheking
Shannon is so evil or mean! Gosh...
5/26/2013 c24 jojo167
uh... i think u accidentally reposted chapter 3
5/25/2013 c24 L.Y Escape Reality
Uh you just just reported chapter 3 o_o
5/25/2013 c24 AnonymousReads
I like this story and can't wait to see how the next chapter goes. Update soon. Please. :)
5/25/2013 c24 1Up With the Birds
Your updates make me happy. That's all I have to say. Whenever I get the email that says you've updated, my entire day gets better because your writing is SO entertaining. Thank you. :-)
5/25/2013 c24 RubyRed22
Waaah! I missed you. :(

I loved the fight between Shannon and Astrid. XD That was pretty freakin' epic. And ohmygosh, Lucas and Astrid are so cute.

btw, there's a mistake when you wrote "wondered" instead of "wandered". It's at...well, the only place you wrote "wondered", so...
5/25/2013 c24 marginal-utility
Felicity seems pretty okay going along with evil schemes that involve throwing ppl to the sharks. ;D
5/25/2013 c24 Hayit'Serenity
That girl Shannon was ANNOYING! Update soon please! Hayit'sSerenity
5/25/2013 c24 JJsMommy29
lol love how she just realized that he is going to make her help him finish cleaning now but great chapter and can't wait for more
5/25/2013 c24 1DeadlyKitten2021
I freakin LOVED it!
5/23/2013 c23 OLIVIA
5/14/2013 c20 RuthEvelyn
5/10/2013 c23 3xXLonelyBeeXx
Please update...please!
5/8/2013 c14 4whatthegreencarrot
And I'm back... I'm a horrible person, I know, and my excuse is something of a mediocre one. You probably don't even remember me, gosh. Well, school's been hectic, so I apologize for neglecting this story for so long. My bad, I know. Here's a late review, though.

[I laughed at that too, an image of Bryce doing the robot on top of a kitchen table, coming to mind.] You don't need the comma before "coming," because it's really not necessary and it just doesn't work.

["Well there's going to be a bunch of people from the school there, I mean mom and Jason let Lucas and I invite as many people as we want.] I'm going to rewrite this sentence, since I found more than two in here. It'll be below; here goes.

"Well, there are (could be "there're") going to be a bunch of people from the school there. I mean, Mom and Jason let Lucas and I invite as many people as we wanted."

Usually, after beginning a sentence with "well," you drop a comma after it. You also wrote "there's" instead of "there are," which I've seen a lot of people make mistakes on. If you took that word apart, then it'd be "there is," and "Well, there is going to be" wouldn't be a grammatically correct sentence.

Again, I'm horrible... I don't review for, like, more than a month, and when I do, I subject you to one of my endless rants on grammar and punctuation. Sorry :3

["Well we're not still planning each other's funerals, if that's what you mean." I deadpanned.] No, no, no, no, no. (Heh, that sounded like Bohemian Rhapsody.) You put a period at the end of your dialogue, and then you wrote "I deadpanned." No. No. No. It has to be a comma. For example, you can't write ["No." He said.] It HAS to be ["No," he said.] You're not technically ending a sentence with your dialogue, because you still have to include the "he said" or "she said." The dialogue plus the "he/she said" is one sentence.

Please, please fix it. I really like this story, but if there's one thing that puts me off writing, it's the dialogue misconception. I've seen so many good authors make that mistake, and I always want to rip my hair out. Save my hair the abuse, please.

I know this seems super critical, but I'm trying to help. Sorry, dude, it's kind of how I talk; tell me if I'm out of line. Anyway, moving on.

["You sound rather excited, what happened to the I-hate-everything-related-to-my-mom's-impending-do om-of-a-wedding Astrid?"] It shouldn't be a comma after "excited," it should be a semicolon [;]. When you're combining a normal sentence to a question, you don't use commas to connect them, you use semicolons.

["Well I better go so you can go eat, I wouldn't want to deprive you of food – I know how violent you get." Felicity explained and I laughed.] Comma after "well." Semicolon instead of a comma after "eat"—I'm actually not entirely sure how to explain all this semicolon business, but semicolons connect sentences without the need of a conjunction. Commas usually connect full-on sentences with conjunctions.

Oh. Looks like I figured out how to explain it. But yeah, if you wanna combine two sentences, either use a conjunction (and, so, but, since, etc.) with a comma, or use a semicolon. I'm turning this into a lecture, I know, so I'll shut my trap now.

Escargot? OH, GOD. LOL, I'm just laughing my ass off at this point, because I know it's snails (I watch KevJumba on YouTube; the benefits of spending my life on the Internet). Oh, dear, not this. I can only imagine what'll happen when they find out what they're actually consuming.

Aww, Astrid's all grown up now. She's at the makeup-wearing stage :o Even though, you know, I know quite a few seventeen year-olds that wear makeup and are immature at the same time. And that comment kind of ruined the moment, which happened to be the moment that I created (well, not really—you wrote it, so I guess you kind of created it, but I was the one who actually wrote about Astrid growing up...details).

Ah, I really liked your ending. Thanks for the read :3
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