for Not By Blood5/26/2013 c24 insert.witty.username.here
This is such a good story and Astrid is absolutely kickass (and I really love her name). Her view on the world is very refreshing and even the cliches you include seem so original.
I wish Astrid and Lucas would stop tiptoeing around the subject and both just admit they like each other.
Please please please update soon!
And good luck in your exams I hope they are going well!
This is such a good story and Astrid is absolutely kickass (and I really love her name). Her view on the world is very refreshing and even the cliches you include seem so original.
I wish Astrid and Lucas would stop tiptoeing around the subject and both just admit they like each other.
Please please please update soon!
And good luck in your exams I hope they are going well!
5/26/2013 c24 jojo167
uh... i think u accidentally reposted chapter 3
uh... i think u accidentally reposted chapter 3
5/25/2013 c24 AnonymousReads
I like this story and can't wait to see how the next chapter goes. Update soon. Please. :)
I like this story and can't wait to see how the next chapter goes. Update soon. Please. :)
5/25/2013 c24 
1Up With the Birds
Your updates make me happy. That's all I have to say. Whenever I get the email that says you've updated, my entire day gets better because your writing is SO entertaining. Thank you. :-)
1Up With the BirdsYour updates make me happy. That's all I have to say. Whenever I get the email that says you've updated, my entire day gets better because your writing is SO entertaining. Thank you. :-)
5/25/2013 c24 RubyRed22
Waaah! I missed you. :(
I loved the fight between Shannon and Astrid. XD That was pretty freakin' epic. And ohmygosh, Lucas and Astrid are so cute.
btw, there's a mistake when you wrote "wondered" instead of "wandered". It's at...well, the only place you wrote "wondered", so...
Waaah! I missed you. :(
I loved the fight between Shannon and Astrid. XD That was pretty freakin' epic. And ohmygosh, Lucas and Astrid are so cute.
btw, there's a mistake when you wrote "wondered" instead of "wandered". It's at...well, the only place you wrote "wondered", so...
5/25/2013 c24 marginal-utility
Felicity seems pretty okay going along with evil schemes that involve throwing ppl to the sharks. ;D
Felicity seems pretty okay going along with evil schemes that involve throwing ppl to the sharks. ;D
5/25/2013 c24 JJsMommy29
lol love how she just realized that he is going to make her help him finish cleaning now but great chapter and can't wait for more
lol love how she just realized that he is going to make her help him finish cleaning now but great chapter and can't wait for more
5/23/2013 c23 OLIVIA
MORE! TIS GOOD!
MORE! TIS GOOD!
5/8/2013 c14 4whatthegreencarrot
And I'm back... I'm a horrible person, I know, and my excuse is something of a mediocre one. You probably don't even remember me, gosh. Well, school's been hectic, so I apologize for neglecting this story for so long. My bad, I know. Here's a late review, though.
[I laughed at that too, an image of Bryce doing the robot on top of a kitchen table, coming to mind.] You don't need the comma before "coming," because it's really not necessary and it just doesn't work.
["Well there's going to be a bunch of people from the school there, I mean mom and Jason let Lucas and I invite as many people as we want.] I'm going to rewrite this sentence, since I found more than two in here. It'll be below; here goes.
"Well, there are (could be "there're") going to be a bunch of people from the school there. I mean, Mom and Jason let Lucas and I invite as many people as we wanted."
Usually, after beginning a sentence with "well," you drop a comma after it. You also wrote "there's" instead of "there are," which I've seen a lot of people make mistakes on. If you took that word apart, then it'd be "there is," and "Well, there is going to be" wouldn't be a grammatically correct sentence.
Again, I'm horrible... I don't review for, like, more than a month, and when I do, I subject you to one of my endless rants on grammar and punctuation. Sorry :3
["Well we're not still planning each other's funerals, if that's what you mean." I deadpanned.] No, no, no, no, no. (Heh, that sounded like Bohemian Rhapsody.) You put a period at the end of your dialogue, and then you wrote "I deadpanned." No. No. No. It has to be a comma. For example, you can't write ["No." He said.] It HAS to be ["No," he said.] You're not technically ending a sentence with your dialogue, because you still have to include the "he said" or "she said." The dialogue plus the "he/she said" is one sentence.
Please, please fix it. I really like this story, but if there's one thing that puts me off writing, it's the dialogue misconception. I've seen so many good authors make that mistake, and I always want to rip my hair out. Save my hair the abuse, please.
I know this seems super critical, but I'm trying to help. Sorry, dude, it's kind of how I talk; tell me if I'm out of line. Anyway, moving on.
["You sound rather excited, what happened to the I-hate-everything-related-to-my-mom's-impending-do om-of-a-wedding Astrid?"] It shouldn't be a comma after "excited," it should be a semicolon [;]. When you're combining a normal sentence to a question, you don't use commas to connect them, you use semicolons.
["Well I better go so you can go eat, I wouldn't want to deprive you of food – I know how violent you get." Felicity explained and I laughed.] Comma after "well." Semicolon instead of a comma after "eat"—I'm actually not entirely sure how to explain all this semicolon business, but semicolons connect sentences without the need of a conjunction. Commas usually connect full-on sentences with conjunctions.
Oh. Looks like I figured out how to explain it. But yeah, if you wanna combine two sentences, either use a conjunction (and, so, but, since, etc.) with a comma, or use a semicolon. I'm turning this into a lecture, I know, so I'll shut my trap now.
Escargot? OH, GOD. LOL, I'm just laughing my ass off at this point, because I know it's snails (I watch KevJumba on YouTube; the benefits of spending my life on the Internet). Oh, dear, not this. I can only imagine what'll happen when they find out what they're actually consuming.
Aww, Astrid's all grown up now. She's at the makeup-wearing stage :o Even though, you know, I know quite a few seventeen year-olds that wear makeup and are immature at the same time. And that comment kind of ruined the moment, which happened to be the moment that I created (well, not really—you wrote it, so I guess you kind of created it, but I was the one who actually wrote about Astrid growing up...details).
Ah, I really liked your ending. Thanks for the read :3
4whatthegreencarrotAnd I'm back... I'm a horrible person, I know, and my excuse is something of a mediocre one. You probably don't even remember me, gosh. Well, school's been hectic, so I apologize for neglecting this story for so long. My bad, I know. Here's a late review, though.
[I laughed at that too, an image of Bryce doing the robot on top of a kitchen table, coming to mind.] You don't need the comma before "coming," because it's really not necessary and it just doesn't work.
["Well there's going to be a bunch of people from the school there, I mean mom and Jason let Lucas and I invite as many people as we want.] I'm going to rewrite this sentence, since I found more than two in here. It'll be below; here goes.
"Well, there are (could be "there're") going to be a bunch of people from the school there. I mean, Mom and Jason let Lucas and I invite as many people as we wanted."
Usually, after beginning a sentence with "well," you drop a comma after it. You also wrote "there's" instead of "there are," which I've seen a lot of people make mistakes on. If you took that word apart, then it'd be "there is," and "Well, there is going to be" wouldn't be a grammatically correct sentence.
Again, I'm horrible... I don't review for, like, more than a month, and when I do, I subject you to one of my endless rants on grammar and punctuation. Sorry :3
["Well we're not still planning each other's funerals, if that's what you mean." I deadpanned.] No, no, no, no, no. (Heh, that sounded like Bohemian Rhapsody.) You put a period at the end of your dialogue, and then you wrote "I deadpanned." No. No. No. It has to be a comma. For example, you can't write ["No." He said.] It HAS to be ["No," he said.] You're not technically ending a sentence with your dialogue, because you still have to include the "he said" or "she said." The dialogue plus the "he/she said" is one sentence.
Please, please fix it. I really like this story, but if there's one thing that puts me off writing, it's the dialogue misconception. I've seen so many good authors make that mistake, and I always want to rip my hair out. Save my hair the abuse, please.
I know this seems super critical, but I'm trying to help. Sorry, dude, it's kind of how I talk; tell me if I'm out of line. Anyway, moving on.
["You sound rather excited, what happened to the I-hate-everything-related-to-my-mom's-impending-do om-of-a-wedding Astrid?"] It shouldn't be a comma after "excited," it should be a semicolon [;]. When you're combining a normal sentence to a question, you don't use commas to connect them, you use semicolons.
["Well I better go so you can go eat, I wouldn't want to deprive you of food – I know how violent you get." Felicity explained and I laughed.] Comma after "well." Semicolon instead of a comma after "eat"—I'm actually not entirely sure how to explain all this semicolon business, but semicolons connect sentences without the need of a conjunction. Commas usually connect full-on sentences with conjunctions.
Oh. Looks like I figured out how to explain it. But yeah, if you wanna combine two sentences, either use a conjunction (and, so, but, since, etc.) with a comma, or use a semicolon. I'm turning this into a lecture, I know, so I'll shut my trap now.
Escargot? OH, GOD. LOL, I'm just laughing my ass off at this point, because I know it's snails (I watch KevJumba on YouTube; the benefits of spending my life on the Internet). Oh, dear, not this. I can only imagine what'll happen when they find out what they're actually consuming.
Aww, Astrid's all grown up now. She's at the makeup-wearing stage :o Even though, you know, I know quite a few seventeen year-olds that wear makeup and are immature at the same time. And that comment kind of ruined the moment, which happened to be the moment that I created (well, not really—you wrote it, so I guess you kind of created it, but I was the one who actually wrote about Astrid growing up...details).
Ah, I really liked your ending. Thanks for the read :3