for He said She said7/5/2013 c1 
5dream-beautiful
This was super cute! I was a little confused throughout, because of the lack of names - which was rather insightful, but at the same time the use of pronouns could have been referencing the main characters OR the other side characters. Perhaps a little more backstory could've been useful? But then again it is a one-shot and sometimes a little mystery is good for the reader :) One technical error, you always capitalize your speaker tags... like here:
" 'Come on, I'll take you home' He said. " This should really look like: " 'Come on, I'll take you home,' he said. "
In general, I enjoyed this cute, short, light-hearted fic. One thing in particular bugged me however. The "newcomers" wearing shorts and skirts to school, despite windy weather, were implied to be stupid/slutty. There is this thing called slut-shaming, and this part of the story sounds a lot like it. Slut-shaming is looking down on someone, particularly a female, for the way she acts or dresses. Just because one girl likes to dress modestly, pants, long-sleeves, etc. and someone else likes mini-skirts, daisy-dukes, or spaghetti straps does not make her any less of a person nor does it denote anything negative of her personality. Sorry for going off about this, but I'm a bit of a feminist :D
Anyways, good job! And keep on writing! :)
xx dream-beautiful
5dream-beautifulThis was super cute! I was a little confused throughout, because of the lack of names - which was rather insightful, but at the same time the use of pronouns could have been referencing the main characters OR the other side characters. Perhaps a little more backstory could've been useful? But then again it is a one-shot and sometimes a little mystery is good for the reader :) One technical error, you always capitalize your speaker tags... like here:
" 'Come on, I'll take you home' He said. " This should really look like: " 'Come on, I'll take you home,' he said. "
In general, I enjoyed this cute, short, light-hearted fic. One thing in particular bugged me however. The "newcomers" wearing shorts and skirts to school, despite windy weather, were implied to be stupid/slutty. There is this thing called slut-shaming, and this part of the story sounds a lot like it. Slut-shaming is looking down on someone, particularly a female, for the way she acts or dresses. Just because one girl likes to dress modestly, pants, long-sleeves, etc. and someone else likes mini-skirts, daisy-dukes, or spaghetti straps does not make her any less of a person nor does it denote anything negative of her personality. Sorry for going off about this, but I'm a bit of a feminist :D
Anyways, good job! And keep on writing! :)
xx dream-beautiful
7/22/2012 c8 IlliterateAuthor
I really enjoy these stories don't give up on these honestly, you are your own worst critic I honestly love these. Please keep up the good work I enjoy reading about the events in the story, I feel as if with each one I understand you a bit more. Don't stop now, it is always darkest before the dawn after all.
I really enjoy these stories don't give up on these honestly, you are your own worst critic I honestly love these. Please keep up the good work I enjoy reading about the events in the story, I feel as if with each one I understand you a bit more. Don't stop now, it is always darkest before the dawn after all.
5/6/2012 c4 deactivated20172203
After you were awesome enough to review Lies, I checked this out, and I am so glad I did. I love it!
It is well written and has a really good plot that hooks the reader, but aside from that, it has this addicting quality to it. I can't place what it is, it just compels the reader to read more. In character of 'She', I fucking love it.
I like the fact that you haven't named the characters. That makes the story so much more ambiguous and captivating. I really can't wait to read more, so please update soon? :D
^ Hearts of Pyjamas ^
After you were awesome enough to review Lies, I checked this out, and I am so glad I did. I love it!
It is well written and has a really good plot that hooks the reader, but aside from that, it has this addicting quality to it. I can't place what it is, it just compels the reader to read more. In character of 'She', I fucking love it.
I like the fact that you haven't named the characters. That makes the story so much more ambiguous and captivating. I really can't wait to read more, so please update soon? :D
^ Hearts of Pyjamas ^
3/19/2012 c1 Cassandra Elizabeth
This story started out amazing. The angst between the two of them is just portrayed really well and the writing is really good.
-PurpleEmoChick
This story started out amazing. The angst between the two of them is just portrayed really well and the writing is really good.
-PurpleEmoChick
3/19/2012 c1 Cassandra Elizabeth
This story started out amazing. The angst between the two of them is just portrayed really well and the writing is really good.
-PurpleEmoChick
This story started out amazing. The angst between the two of them is just portrayed really well and the writing is really good.
-PurpleEmoChick
11/27/2011 c1 ohbloo
Hi!
I just wanted to tell you I'm really liking this story!
First of all, I like that the guy is kind of sweet and wise-sounding. He's not the kind of "typical popular boy" who teases and makes sexual innuendos all the time. He seems much more mature and interesting.
I also like that the girl is tough and doesn't seem to take crap.
That being said, I would also like to give you some constructive criticism (not that I'm an authority on writing stories, and of course everything I say is just my opinion!)
I'm worried that both the boy and the girl are going to fall into stereotypes of "cute boy who chuckles affectionately at quirky antics of spunky tough girl." I hope they develop more depth as the story goes along.
Also, I felt like the hug at the end of the first chapter was kind of rushed- I could see him holding onto her for a bit longer than necessary, but a conscious hug seemed a bit premature?
BUT most importantly I'm really liking this story and really looking forward to the next chapter! Keep up the good work!
P.S. Will we ever find out their names?
P.P.S. Will we ever find out how they got into detention? I'm assuming they got into detention together because it said that he was the last person she wanted to see- I thought maybe he'd triggered her to do something and they were both reprimanded?
Hi!
I just wanted to tell you I'm really liking this story!
First of all, I like that the guy is kind of sweet and wise-sounding. He's not the kind of "typical popular boy" who teases and makes sexual innuendos all the time. He seems much more mature and interesting.
I also like that the girl is tough and doesn't seem to take crap.
That being said, I would also like to give you some constructive criticism (not that I'm an authority on writing stories, and of course everything I say is just my opinion!)
I'm worried that both the boy and the girl are going to fall into stereotypes of "cute boy who chuckles affectionately at quirky antics of spunky tough girl." I hope they develop more depth as the story goes along.
Also, I felt like the hug at the end of the first chapter was kind of rushed- I could see him holding onto her for a bit longer than necessary, but a conscious hug seemed a bit premature?
BUT most importantly I'm really liking this story and really looking forward to the next chapter! Keep up the good work!
P.S. Will we ever find out their names?
P.P.S. Will we ever find out how they got into detention? I'm assuming they got into detention together because it said that he was the last person she wanted to see- I thought maybe he'd triggered her to do something and they were both reprimanded?
8/23/2011 c1 12Reeech Beeetch
Cute. I liked that it wasn't sappy and no one professed undying, passionate love for anyone. Cheers!
12Reeech BeeetchCute. I liked that it wasn't sappy and no one professed undying, passionate love for anyone. Cheers!
8/21/2011 c1 IlliterateAuthor
The title was stereotypically high school which gave the story a nice feel from the get go. Also the fact that you did not use actual names and remained as "He" and "She" made you feel less connected to the characters yet want to know more about them left an aura of mysteriousness around them.
The title was stereotypically high school which gave the story a nice feel from the get go. Also the fact that you did not use actual names and remained as "He" and "She" made you feel less connected to the characters yet want to know more about them left an aura of mysteriousness around them.
8/20/2011 c1 2Gohanroxme
Cute. I laughed at times, frowned at others, and smiled at some point. Gosh, I changed to many expressions in the four minutes it took to read this! I liked it. Very nice story.
2GohanroxmeCute. I laughed at times, frowned at others, and smiled at some point. Gosh, I changed to many expressions in the four minutes it took to read this! I liked it. Very nice story.
8/20/2011 c1 9RomanceRules22345
i really liked that. I liked that he helped her not die then, he walked her home awww! but she acted like she did kinda like him and, it was sorta obvious in the dention room mto me
9RomanceRules22345i really liked that. I liked that he helped her not die then, he walked her home awww! but she acted like she did kinda like him and, it was sorta obvious in the dention room mto me