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for Yuuenchi no Koi

4/10/2013 c1 Ereh
Ah that was one long story. Good job for that!

Okay, so first thing first. I don't think the usage of Japanese words in this story in necessary when it is originally an English story. Using Japanese words in English story for casual talks doesn't seem to fit right into it. Unless you're using it as a terminology or a title/naming or for the honorifics then it's good enough to recognize that this story goes under the category of manga. You don't need to put unnecessary Japanese words to make it look like a manga story so long as its elements are there.

"Hidoi -you're mean, Nori-kun." - This one is redundant. Hidoi, as far as I know, has the same meaning as "You're mean". There's also another one with "Demo but" in which both words have the same meaning as well.

Fix some sentences as well. I'm not really that much of a grammar nazi, but when the error is noticeable, I can't help but point it out. Also, if you're going to divide this in five parts, you could have just posted it by chapter unless you did intend to turn this into a one-shot, you shouldn't have bothered dividing them. (I learned that on Bene's review on my story "ACID House" ahaha!) Though I can somehow assume that it's your style? XD

About the content. To be honest, the story is quite filled with cliches. Most of the events that took place usually happens in most shoujo manga I read so I'm already used to such though the scene in the lake is quite unique for me. Ending didn't gave much of an impact though in a way it's still sweet. I hope they kissed LOL. The ending made me want to ask for more. Not much of an appropriate ending for me to be honest and you can do more to make it sweeter. (That's the difficult part in writing Romance)

As for the characters. Well, they're quite the usual characters in a Shoujo manga. One is a loner or unpopular and the other is the opposite of the first one. Quite the typical character. In a way I enjoyed them. Those two extra characters at the end, I don't know if they're necessary to the story. You could have at least gave them some more screentime so at least we can enjoy their character. To me, they end up useless.

LOL Sorry if I was being harsh. My love for Shoujo suddenly took over my simple mind and started being critical. Don't worry! It was good! It was enjoyable. Anyone who would read would surely reading this like I did. To be honest, I'm amazed that you managed to type this lots of words. Again, good job!

Alright that ends my overall review! D-don't take this personally alright? I myself have some flaws in my stories (I also write Romance). I'm here reviewing to help you. Take it as an advice, alright? There! Thanks for the awesome story!
4/9/2013 c1 11Lord Slayer
Hehe, pretty cute, even if it was really long. I'm not sure you needed to insert all of that Japanese, though. Honorifics are fine, but you don't need to keep reminding the reader about the setting with snippets of the language.

The swan boats and the ferris wheel-and-fireworks are pretty obvious date cliches, but the boat scene did have an original touch to it, and all of the other scenarios were pretty original. Hats (that I am not wearing at this moment) off to you.

All in all, it was quite satisfying. Good job.
4/9/2013 c1 9kingofe3
This was a nice romantic one shot to read. The two seem like they would be a great couple. They have a great connection. Sad they didn't have a kiss scene to end it, but it ended quite nicely. Great work with only a tiny bit of errors. Got lost a bit since the dialogue was jointed together, but it was fine. Nicely done!
3/4/2013 c1 1bradpara
That is a very nice, sweet story.
9/1/2011 c1 1CuteDreams
That was really good! Hope you write many more! ;D

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