for Have Your Cake and Have Me Too11/29/2020 c1 Liane Kennedy
Great story... now 9-years since you wrote it... hope college and life have treated you well and that there are more stories of yours to be found. Look forward to seeing how you matured as a writer.
Great story... now 9-years since you wrote it... hope college and life have treated you well and that there are more stories of yours to be found. Look forward to seeing how you matured as a writer.
6/11/2015 c1 the story pickle
This story gives me the feels like nobody's business. Good job!
(And btw I have an account but I'm too lazy to sign in p )
This story gives me the feels like nobody's business. Good job!
(And btw I have an account but I'm too lazy to sign in p )
3/16/2015 c1 
1NeonTime
I'm not going to top Moon Prynces who is clearly on a mission to be the best reviewer of all time, so instead I'll only note that I liked the in media res start, the characters were well drawn (even the one paragraph ones), but the lack of environmental description was weak for me.
1NeonTimeI'm not going to top Moon Prynces who is clearly on a mission to be the best reviewer of all time, so instead I'll only note that I liked the in media res start, the characters were well drawn (even the one paragraph ones), but the lack of environmental description was weak for me.
8/2/2014 c1 1rainreverie
this story is so unbelievably cute! especially that last part with "mine" and "yours"
1rainreveriethis story is so unbelievably cute! especially that last part with "mine" and "yours"
9/30/2013 c1 9Moon Prynces
I gotta say, that was a very attractive and hilarious summary you used for this story. It totally kidnapped my attention and I just had to read the story.
It was definitely a cute one-shot, and there are so many reasons why... Hope I can remember them.
Okay, first there was the group of friends you created. I liked that they weren't all automatically paired up and that this couple was set to be the last of their group to get together. It felt so much more natural and real that way. And, you even gave the characters we barely get to see distinct characteristics and personality. It wasn't just in that small flashback of Alex's living room, but how you described Charlie's relation with Nate and Tiffany and Mike in just a few short sentences. It was so easy to imagine this awesome group of friends that hang out all the time and have fun. In that way, it helped us relate to Charlie's trauma over having them leave for college so soon.
And then there was Alex, and even Charlie, claiming that he had a crush on Rachel as if it were obvious. Which was kind of adorable actually. It wasn't so obvious – even to himself – that he might have liked his other friend. But then, it kind of makes me wonder how the others had an inkling he had feelings for Charlie with that look they simultaneously gave him? Was he more obvious in his attention towards her when they were all together? Hm, curious...
Anyway, since you kind of created that whole group dynamic, Charlie's naïve personality wasn't over the top or unbelievable. She just...fit into their group. And you didn't write her as being too oblivious or airheaded so she came off as adorably childish. I especially liked how she could barely lie about it being her birthday, and when she was laughing as he got hit on. Actually, I feel like I've been that person at some point in my life – and I probably have, but that was ages ago. Maybe I like her because I can relate and I kinda wish I were still that young and naïve?
Oh, and I love that you actually have a real relationship between the couple here. So many times I read lines like, "And they talked for hours, finding they had so much in common." And then I'm wondering, "Oh really? Then what are these things they're talking about? What exactly do they have in common? Where's the interaction?" But you had these cute lines about both of them wondering at being touchy-feely in the normal, friendly way and her admitting Alex being a "lowkey prankster" like her and him complaining about the amount of creeps at the park. Which reminds me! I love that one of those creeps was a FEMALE. Finally, no discrimination! Women can definitely be as perverted, creepy or weird as any guy – and it was a nice change to see that when he talked about creeps he added the waitress to that list. He wasn't blind to the weird and unwanted attention he was getting while being jealous and possessive over the attention Charlie was getting.
I'll admit, I was a little confused about how their kissing over the tabletop escalated so easily into her crawling into his lap. I mean, weren't they sitting across from each other? Then again, they were in a booth, right? So maybe it was just easier to inch closer when he went in for that first kiss.
Which was totally hot, by the way. And unexpected. To add to the cuteness, I love how Alex became all petulant and bratty over having the cheesecake chosen over kissing him and he went so far as to refuse and cross his arms like a child.
Also, I kind of loved her confession. You didn't jump straight into the whole love business, and there was just something so natural and real and cute about her words. They seemed sincere and I could imagine a person actually saying them. And you even had her reference something that happened in the past and had her make the connection that he really is a great guy and good to her.
Um...was there anything else? There was a lot in there I loved. Like when he was staring at her as they walked into the diner and he was frowning over his mounting feelings but she thought he was still being a sore loser over their game and used her fingers to force him into smiling.
I don't think I saw any errors or anything. And you're writing style was amazing. I liked how you switched between their point of views without resorting to first person perspective, or being overly descriptive of feelings. The whole thing felt like something that might have actually happened to someone already. It was believable.
Thank you so much for this one-shot. This is actually the second or third time I've read it and I knew I had to leave you a review to tell you how awesome it is and how awesome you are for writing it. Keep delivering more awesome things!
xoxo
9Moon PryncesI gotta say, that was a very attractive and hilarious summary you used for this story. It totally kidnapped my attention and I just had to read the story.
It was definitely a cute one-shot, and there are so many reasons why... Hope I can remember them.
Okay, first there was the group of friends you created. I liked that they weren't all automatically paired up and that this couple was set to be the last of their group to get together. It felt so much more natural and real that way. And, you even gave the characters we barely get to see distinct characteristics and personality. It wasn't just in that small flashback of Alex's living room, but how you described Charlie's relation with Nate and Tiffany and Mike in just a few short sentences. It was so easy to imagine this awesome group of friends that hang out all the time and have fun. In that way, it helped us relate to Charlie's trauma over having them leave for college so soon.
And then there was Alex, and even Charlie, claiming that he had a crush on Rachel as if it were obvious. Which was kind of adorable actually. It wasn't so obvious – even to himself – that he might have liked his other friend. But then, it kind of makes me wonder how the others had an inkling he had feelings for Charlie with that look they simultaneously gave him? Was he more obvious in his attention towards her when they were all together? Hm, curious...
Anyway, since you kind of created that whole group dynamic, Charlie's naïve personality wasn't over the top or unbelievable. She just...fit into their group. And you didn't write her as being too oblivious or airheaded so she came off as adorably childish. I especially liked how she could barely lie about it being her birthday, and when she was laughing as he got hit on. Actually, I feel like I've been that person at some point in my life – and I probably have, but that was ages ago. Maybe I like her because I can relate and I kinda wish I were still that young and naïve?
Oh, and I love that you actually have a real relationship between the couple here. So many times I read lines like, "And they talked for hours, finding they had so much in common." And then I'm wondering, "Oh really? Then what are these things they're talking about? What exactly do they have in common? Where's the interaction?" But you had these cute lines about both of them wondering at being touchy-feely in the normal, friendly way and her admitting Alex being a "lowkey prankster" like her and him complaining about the amount of creeps at the park. Which reminds me! I love that one of those creeps was a FEMALE. Finally, no discrimination! Women can definitely be as perverted, creepy or weird as any guy – and it was a nice change to see that when he talked about creeps he added the waitress to that list. He wasn't blind to the weird and unwanted attention he was getting while being jealous and possessive over the attention Charlie was getting.
I'll admit, I was a little confused about how their kissing over the tabletop escalated so easily into her crawling into his lap. I mean, weren't they sitting across from each other? Then again, they were in a booth, right? So maybe it was just easier to inch closer when he went in for that first kiss.
Which was totally hot, by the way. And unexpected. To add to the cuteness, I love how Alex became all petulant and bratty over having the cheesecake chosen over kissing him and he went so far as to refuse and cross his arms like a child.
Also, I kind of loved her confession. You didn't jump straight into the whole love business, and there was just something so natural and real and cute about her words. They seemed sincere and I could imagine a person actually saying them. And you even had her reference something that happened in the past and had her make the connection that he really is a great guy and good to her.
Um...was there anything else? There was a lot in there I loved. Like when he was staring at her as they walked into the diner and he was frowning over his mounting feelings but she thought he was still being a sore loser over their game and used her fingers to force him into smiling.
I don't think I saw any errors or anything. And you're writing style was amazing. I liked how you switched between their point of views without resorting to first person perspective, or being overly descriptive of feelings. The whole thing felt like something that might have actually happened to someone already. It was believable.
Thank you so much for this one-shot. This is actually the second or third time I've read it and I knew I had to leave you a review to tell you how awesome it is and how awesome you are for writing it. Keep delivering more awesome things!
xoxo
2/25/2013 c1 HeadOverHeelsInHate
Awww! Really cute! He sounded like a caveman or some sort of Neathandral at the end. :P
Awww! Really cute! He sounded like a caveman or some sort of Neathandral at the end. :P
11/28/2012 c1 1dabombticktick
Cuteness overload!
. thanks for the wonderful oneshot :D excuse me while I go read every other story you've written .v
1dabombticktickCuteness overload!
. thanks for the wonderful oneshot :D excuse me while I go read every other story you've written .v
7/16/2012 c1 53Stephlikeswriting
This was absolutely adorable! Charlie was too cute. And I really liked the line "he captured her laugh with his lips." Great work!
53StephlikeswritingThis was absolutely adorable! Charlie was too cute. And I really liked the line "he captured her laugh with his lips." Great work!
4/1/2012 c1 12Kellet
OH MY GOD THIS THE CUTEST THING EVER. I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE; THIS IS TOO CUTE FOR ME.
So, SO cute. Just. Wow. I loved every moment of this.
I mean, naivety on sweet, innocent, oblivious girls is usually way overdone, but here? It totally works. Somehow, you made it sweet and real and not totally unbearable. I love this.
12KelletOH MY GOD THIS THE CUTEST THING EVER. I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE; THIS IS TOO CUTE FOR ME.
So, SO cute. Just. Wow. I loved every moment of this.
I mean, naivety on sweet, innocent, oblivious girls is usually way overdone, but here? It totally works. Somehow, you made it sweet and real and not totally unbearable. I love this.