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for The Sea Witch's Song

7/14/2013 c1 Cupcake
So you connected two different merfolk who had common goals. Well...already they are going to be set into conflict if they are so different.
7/14/2013 c2 Moonwolf
your writing actually made me read the whole introduction. that is...there is no word but perfect. I actually cannot criticize any of your work yet.
7/14/2013 c1 MoonWolf
already I have a good feeling about this story. CHEERS!
7/14/2013 c5 MoonWolf
:'( Oh got tears in my eyes. My excuse will be allergies. This is my most favorite story on FictionPress. I love the mermaid/mermen stories and I am sad to see so few of them. I hope you will pick up the story again because I want to know what twist you will add to it. a few questions that I am pondering on: " will she end up with the prince or will you put two servants together(Malkia and Prince's servant)?" will there be revengeful fights between kailani and Malkia? and will the prince fall for that unsuspecting maiden that called for help? I am soooooo excited to see whether you will continue the story.

creativity: Very High ;D
1/18/2012 c5 112SmashedIce.X
Great chapter! I do love the story of The Little Mermaid, so I'm looking forward to reading more! :)
1/17/2012 c5 8DorkExpress
The princess is a mess, can't they find her a cell already? I don't like her much, can you tell? Lol... well, she sang him her song, now let's see hat happens next!

9/5/2011 c4 DorkExpress
Oh, I wish he would have been the one to see her! And the sister has been going to the upper world when she has been there as well? Well, now we know why she didn't need her.

9/5/2011 c4 3ShortcakeMattie
It's sad to think that some day Malkia will be known as the sea witch one day when her sister is the one acting like a witch.

I'm glad they decided to be friends. Although, I still don't trust Kailani. I want Malkia to end up with the prince, but if this story ends like the original tale, neither of them will end up with him which is sad.

Now we get to learn about the soul language! Guess, I should have been patient and waited for this chapter. Oh well. Hmmm... I wonder if Kailani's tale is foreshadowing something. Maybe Malkia will get stuck on land sometime? Or am I completely off? Or should I just stop asking questions and read the story to find out? :P


She stiffened at my words; her eyes narrowing before she spoke, "a princess' affairs are of no concern to a servant-girl."

Edit: I'm not entirely sure; but I think "A..." should be capitalized.


"No," I said. "I don't even think they saw my fin. I believe the human thought I was some kind of illusion or trick of the light. I dived down deep.

Edit: You should put parenthesis at the end of the dialogue. This is just my suggestion, but I would suggest getting rid of "I dived down deep." Unless Malkia was diving down as she was talking with Kailani?


Another interesting chapter! I can't wait to find out what happens next. You have me hooked! :)

9/5/2011 c3 ShortcakeMattie
The one thing that stuck out to me was Knucker and Levi. What are they exactly? I know they're Malkia's pets, but what animals?

The clothes part was adorable. It makes sense though that she thinks clothes are different colored skins. XD

I'm curious about the soul language. Do all mermaids use it? Do they have to learn it or are they born knowing how to speak it?

"Should I take him down to the palace? He would be so grateful that I showed him my world that he would never leave my side." - Am I a bad person if this made me laugh? Her innocence is so adorable and endearing.

"I spent all of my nights there with my trusty companion snakes at my side." - This makes sense now. I would suggest telling the readers sooner that Knucker and Levi are snakes, or are they eels? But that's just my suggestion, you don't need to use it if you don't want to. :)

9/5/2011 c2 ShortcakeMattie
It's only the second chapter and my heart already goes out to Malkia. I love how curious and gentle she is. She's thoughtful and dares to venture to the Upper World, even though she's not allowed. I liked the contrast between her purple tail signifying illegitimacy while on land purple stands for royalty and power. Even though the grandmother is strict, you can still tell how much she loves her granddaughter. The oyster part was bittersweet. She only got one while her sisters get six, or eight in Kailani's case, yet she's proud of her single oyster.

There's nothing like being stuck in your younger sibling's shadow. :(

I also forgot to mention that I love your writing style. Everything flows together nicely and I could picture everything that happened. Well done!

9/5/2011 c1 ShortcakeMattie
Hey CassandraRose526! First off, I love your idea. Fairy tale twists, in my opinion, are interesting and fun to read, especially if it's well written. In my English class this semester, we have to write our own variations of a fairy tale. I'm rewriting Snow White from the evil stepmother's perspective, which is what drew me to your story. Anyway, I'm done ranting now. Also, I love the fact that you based your tale off the original story instead of Disney's. Not that Disney isn't awesome, I just like Hans Christian Andersen's better. I'm looking forward to reading more! :D

9/5/2011 c4 112SmashedIce.X
Great chapter! I don't think I have a favourite character yet, I'll have to keep reading to decide! :)
9/4/2011 c3 8DorkExpress
I like this slow progrestion because it entertains me more. I want to know more about the peince and why doesn't the evil, vain and selfish sister wander or use her at night. Is she trying to get her in trouble?

9/4/2011 c3 112SmashedIce.X
You're a great writer, I always love reading what you write! I'm looking forward to reading more to see where the story's going! :)
8/30/2011 c2 8DorkExpress
poor girl! Her sisters are mean and horrible, but mostly Kailani... how can you be so mean to person that you use her voice! THE VANITY!

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