for The Obsidian Arrow12/12/2011 c1 
1Leldorin3
I am astounded by the detail and depth you've put into this short excerpt. Although I haven't read your previous work, I'll make sure that I find the time to do so. You do, however, have some minor infractions concerning your military terminology. Instead of saing "I'm placing you in charge of our ranged" say something like "I'm placing you in charge of our ranged units" or "You are in command of our detatchments of archers" Also, I would recommend inserting a cavalry aspect to the military preperations, because it allows flexibility in movement, which can in turn help you if you find yourself trying to find a way out of a situation you've written yourself into. The whole elf girl cliche is here, but you've personalized it so well that it is far more enjoyable than it could ever be degrading. You should continue to right, and if you can get anything published, please make the effort.
1Leldorin3I am astounded by the detail and depth you've put into this short excerpt. Although I haven't read your previous work, I'll make sure that I find the time to do so. You do, however, have some minor infractions concerning your military terminology. Instead of saing "I'm placing you in charge of our ranged" say something like "I'm placing you in charge of our ranged units" or "You are in command of our detatchments of archers" Also, I would recommend inserting a cavalry aspect to the military preperations, because it allows flexibility in movement, which can in turn help you if you find yourself trying to find a way out of a situation you've written yourself into. The whole elf girl cliche is here, but you've personalized it so well that it is far more enjoyable than it could ever be degrading. You should continue to right, and if you can get anything published, please make the effort.