for Challenge10/4/2011 c1 
9Mayo on toast
HELLO! I'm so good at procrastinating, it's taken me until now to review this, after having the tab open for about a week. Sorry about that... :p
Anyway, liked the poem but I think FP screwed up the formatting? Summary said it's in couplets, but it's one big stanza; you might want to fix that, it made it a bit daunting (and was the reason for my procrastination XD ){*refreshes poem* Ahh, so you fixed that between me loading the poem and finally writing the review... Oops.}
[We who struggle against our minds,
Will grow strong sooner or later.] I especially liked this bit; the sense of hope and comfort, for one thing, but also the way it turns a bad thing such as depression and self-loathing into a sort of fellowship - showing the persona has gone from being isolated to realising this causes her to (I hate that i'm about to use this word :p) belong.
Also liked the extended metaphor of the heart being dirtied, lost then found again. Not even sure why i like it, but I do.
Anyway, call sometime tomorrow before 5 (or after 8 for that matter) , you're the one with the schedule so you know when it's most flexible :p
9Mayo on toastHELLO! I'm so good at procrastinating, it's taken me until now to review this, after having the tab open for about a week. Sorry about that... :p
Anyway, liked the poem but I think FP screwed up the formatting? Summary said it's in couplets, but it's one big stanza; you might want to fix that, it made it a bit daunting (and was the reason for my procrastination XD ){*refreshes poem* Ahh, so you fixed that between me loading the poem and finally writing the review... Oops.}
[We who struggle against our minds,
Will grow strong sooner or later.] I especially liked this bit; the sense of hope and comfort, for one thing, but also the way it turns a bad thing such as depression and self-loathing into a sort of fellowship - showing the persona has gone from being isolated to realising this causes her to (I hate that i'm about to use this word :p) belong.
Also liked the extended metaphor of the heart being dirtied, lost then found again. Not even sure why i like it, but I do.
Anyway, call sometime tomorrow before 5 (or after 8 for that matter) , you're the one with the schedule so you know when it's most flexible :p
10/4/2011 c1 115ArekuKawaii
I like and dislike the over use of commas in this poem because for the most part they all work really well and make the poem more choppy which I felt really worked for the subject, however there are a few that seemed really out of place and threw off the flow a little.
'Because I want to live,' this line seems a little forced and breaks the flow as well.
For a subject that is so over done and cliched you really made it work for me. I really felt the emotion in it. I liked this poem and concept because you really drew it out like these emotions should be instead of writing two half-assed stanzas like I normally see for these poems.
115ArekuKawaiiI like and dislike the over use of commas in this poem because for the most part they all work really well and make the poem more choppy which I felt really worked for the subject, however there are a few that seemed really out of place and threw off the flow a little.
'Because I want to live,' this line seems a little forced and breaks the flow as well.
For a subject that is so over done and cliched you really made it work for me. I really felt the emotion in it. I liked this poem and concept because you really drew it out like these emotions should be instead of writing two half-assed stanzas like I normally see for these poems.