Just In
for Challenge

10/4/2011 c1 9Mayo on toast
HELLO! I'm so good at procrastinating, it's taken me until now to review this, after having the tab open for about a week. Sorry about that... :p

Anyway, liked the poem but I think FP screwed up the formatting? Summary said it's in couplets, but it's one big stanza; you might want to fix that, it made it a bit daunting (and was the reason for my procrastination XD ){*refreshes poem* Ahh, so you fixed that between me loading the poem and finally writing the review... Oops.}

[We who struggle against our minds,

Will grow strong sooner or later.] I especially liked this bit; the sense of hope and comfort, for one thing, but also the way it turns a bad thing such as depression and self-loathing into a sort of fellowship - showing the persona has gone from being isolated to realising this causes her to (I hate that i'm about to use this word :p) belong.

Also liked the extended metaphor of the heart being dirtied, lost then found again. Not even sure why i like it, but I do.

Anyway, call sometime tomorrow before 5 (or after 8 for that matter) , you're the one with the schedule so you know when it's most flexible :p
10/4/2011 c1 115ArekuKawaii
I like and dislike the over use of commas in this poem because for the most part they all work really well and make the poem more choppy which I felt really worked for the subject, however there are a few that seemed really out of place and threw off the flow a little.

'Because I want to live,' this line seems a little forced and breaks the flow as well.

For a subject that is so over done and cliched you really made it work for me. I really felt the emotion in it. I liked this poem and concept because you really drew it out like these emotions should be instead of writing two half-assed stanzas like I normally see for these poems.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service