for The Cosmic Dynasty11/1/2015 c2 
2Liam101
Huh. What an interesting design for a Dinosaur. Say...there wouldn't happen to be any sort of artwork for this guy eh?
2Liam101Huh. What an interesting design for a Dinosaur. Say...there wouldn't happen to be any sort of artwork for this guy eh?
11/21/2014 c23 2Whitefire19
A very good way to wrap it all up and I really liked how John, who was useless so much of the time before, now has his own dynasty to fight with. I also liked how the ending is open-ended, so you can continue this story any time you want. I've been following this story for over two years now and it was about time for at least act one to finish up.
The only problem with this final chapter is the real-world aspect. The parents of Jenny and John and probably Seth too, wouldn't be sitting around wondering where their kids went after several days of them missing. They would be frantic and suspect that they were kidnapped and if they could somehow find out that they went to this volcanic dig, they would've flown out there and demanded from the scientists where their children were, along with police and detectives. The scientists, especially Seth's Dad, also wouldn't sit around and worry, but rather dig up the whole mountainside trying to find the kids and if they couldn't find them in days, they'd file a report with the local police about it. All of this can be fixed however, by having everyone outside the cave looking for them when they get out, with digging machines and police tape around everything. They reason they couldn't follow would be because they're frantic digging would've caused an avalanche of rock which would bury the entrance. This might even make the story end faster, because everyone will be outside when they get out of the cave.
All in all, a great, exciting and entertaining story. Well done.
2Whitefire19A very good way to wrap it all up and I really liked how John, who was useless so much of the time before, now has his own dynasty to fight with. I also liked how the ending is open-ended, so you can continue this story any time you want. I've been following this story for over two years now and it was about time for at least act one to finish up.
The only problem with this final chapter is the real-world aspect. The parents of Jenny and John and probably Seth too, wouldn't be sitting around wondering where their kids went after several days of them missing. They would be frantic and suspect that they were kidnapped and if they could somehow find out that they went to this volcanic dig, they would've flown out there and demanded from the scientists where their children were, along with police and detectives. The scientists, especially Seth's Dad, also wouldn't sit around and worry, but rather dig up the whole mountainside trying to find the kids and if they couldn't find them in days, they'd file a report with the local police about it. All of this can be fixed however, by having everyone outside the cave looking for them when they get out, with digging machines and police tape around everything. They reason they couldn't follow would be because they're frantic digging would've caused an avalanche of rock which would bury the entrance. This might even make the story end faster, because everyone will be outside when they get out of the cave.
All in all, a great, exciting and entertaining story. Well done.
2/15/2014 c22 Whitefire19
That twist at the end really got me. I was sure this was going to be the final chapter, but nope. You did a great job with this one, all those goodbye feels to make the reader think it's over and then, say what? Can't wait for the next one.
That twist at the end really got me. I was sure this was going to be the final chapter, but nope. You did a great job with this one, all those goodbye feels to make the reader think it's over and then, say what? Can't wait for the next one.
11/2/2013 c21 Whitefire19
Good one. I love the consequences you added for Seth's superpowers. IT makes it feel a lot more real and exciting, because there's more at stake. Can't wait to see what happens next.
Good one. I love the consequences you added for Seth's superpowers. IT makes it feel a lot more real and exciting, because there's more at stake. Can't wait to see what happens next.
7/26/2013 c20 Whitefire19
That was an epic one, perfectly timed and surprising and with a great ending. I'll be honest. I was expecting this chapter to be the boring wrap-up, but you really got me with that guard turning out to e William. Didn't see that coming. I also really liked how Ferno ended the chapter with dialogue relating to her conversation with Seth earlier, which reminds the reader of the main purpose of this chapter. One thing I've noticed over time however, is that your fight scenes, while cool, aren't totally realistic as far as techniques and movement go (superpowers aside). Do you practice any martial arts or any kind of fighting style?
That was an epic one, perfectly timed and surprising and with a great ending. I'll be honest. I was expecting this chapter to be the boring wrap-up, but you really got me with that guard turning out to e William. Didn't see that coming. I also really liked how Ferno ended the chapter with dialogue relating to her conversation with Seth earlier, which reminds the reader of the main purpose of this chapter. One thing I've noticed over time however, is that your fight scenes, while cool, aren't totally realistic as far as techniques and movement go (superpowers aside). Do you practice any martial arts or any kind of fighting style?
6/19/2013 c19 Whitefire19
Awesome final battle. Though, I think you should describe what's going on around them when Seth and John and everyone are talking in the middle of the battlefield. Afterward Seth just runs and attacks the darkness soldier and there needs to be a reason why the solder and his minions don't just attack them while they're talking. Other than that, no problems. But I wonder, is it really over?
Awesome final battle. Though, I think you should describe what's going on around them when Seth and John and everyone are talking in the middle of the battlefield. Afterward Seth just runs and attacks the darkness soldier and there needs to be a reason why the solder and his minions don't just attack them while they're talking. Other than that, no problems. But I wonder, is it really over?
5/16/2013 c18 Whitefire19
Oh snap! That last part really got me. You did an awesome job setting up for the final fight, but I didn't expect it to start so fast. Excellent build up and delivery. I can't wait to see the final fight!
Oh snap! That last part really got me. You did an awesome job setting up for the final fight, but I didn't expect it to start so fast. Excellent build up and delivery. I can't wait to see the final fight!
5/16/2013 c17 Whitefire19
Good chapter. Seth learned the lesson everyone has to if they want to be a real warrior, a lesson every action story should have. It was also a nice way to check up on John and get in a little character building before the next fight happens and the humor was good too. Well done.
Good chapter. Seth learned the lesson everyone has to if they want to be a real warrior, a lesson every action story should have. It was also a nice way to check up on John and get in a little character building before the next fight happens and the humor was good too. Well done.
5/16/2013 c16 Whitefire19
Wow, you've really grown up as a writer since I first started reading your stories. I felt like I was reading a chapter out of a bestselling novel. It had everything a good book should, action, plot-driving drama, and real life problems with real life solutions. I especially like the message you're sending about war and fighting and death. It's such a simple truth and yet some people will just never learn it. Awesome chapter, perfect except for a few spelling and grammar errors here and there.
Wow, you've really grown up as a writer since I first started reading your stories. I felt like I was reading a chapter out of a bestselling novel. It had everything a good book should, action, plot-driving drama, and real life problems with real life solutions. I especially like the message you're sending about war and fighting and death. It's such a simple truth and yet some people will just never learn it. Awesome chapter, perfect except for a few spelling and grammar errors here and there.
3/10/2013 c15 Whitefire19
Wow, epic ending. Very cool, though the chapter was a bit too long in my opinion. I like how you had them hanging out and everything was fine for a while and then BOOM! John is dying! Action! This other thing is minor, but the phrase "three twins" is self-contradictory. I think you might have meant "three triplets" instead, or "sextuplets" if you meant three pairs of twins.
Wow, epic ending. Very cool, though the chapter was a bit too long in my opinion. I like how you had them hanging out and everything was fine for a while and then BOOM! John is dying! Action! This other thing is minor, but the phrase "three twins" is self-contradictory. I think you might have meant "three triplets" instead, or "sextuplets" if you meant three pairs of twins.
12/28/2012 c14 Whitefire19
It's about time Seth got a weapon and a cool one at that. The fight scenes were good, but I don't think they'd let Seth do any training for fighting until he was fully healed and rested.
It's about time Seth got a weapon and a cool one at that. The fight scenes were good, but I don't think they'd let Seth do any training for fighting until he was fully healed and rested.
12/28/2012 c13 Whitefire19
Sorry I haven't read your stuff in so long. I've been super busy. Anyway, I really liked how the main character just suspected the guard was a traitor and when he mentioned it, he turned out to be right. I think it would be even cooller if the guard and the pterodactyl just straight up attacked him after he mentions plotting agaisnt the king. That would be a dead giveaway by itself. Also, impale means to pierce all the way through, so if Ferno had "impaled" the guard's head with a fireball, he'd be dead.
Sorry I haven't read your stuff in so long. I've been super busy. Anyway, I really liked how the main character just suspected the guard was a traitor and when he mentioned it, he turned out to be right. I think it would be even cooller if the guard and the pterodactyl just straight up attacked him after he mentions plotting agaisnt the king. That would be a dead giveaway by itself. Also, impale means to pierce all the way through, so if Ferno had "impaled" the guard's head with a fireball, he'd be dead.
8/16/2012 c12 Whitefire19
The plot thickens... I really like the mystery of the story about the dragon headed monster and King Astrid. It makes the whole thing seem deeper and more important. Good chapter.
The plot thickens... I really like the mystery of the story about the dragon headed monster and King Astrid. It makes the whole thing seem deeper and more important. Good chapter.
7/14/2012 c11 Whitefire19
I liked how you hinted at what's coming up next with the core's explanation.
I liked how you hinted at what's coming up next with the core's explanation.
7/14/2012 c10 Whitefire19
I think this chapter would have been a lot better if there were descriptions of some of the species that live in the city and the city itself. There's no way to tell what they look like or how they are working together so well.
I think this chapter would have been a lot better if there were descriptions of some of the species that live in the city and the city itself. There's no way to tell what they look like or how they are working together so well.