for For Your Eyes Only12/16/2011 c1 ThatGirlWhoDoesn'tLikeToRead
So...I read this before i read your original heartbreaker story... Not one of my best ideas considering your authors note at the end of the story/chapter/whatever this is suppose to be!
Now I'm wondering if i should read heartbreaker or not. I mean...it has a million reviews and it sounds awesome and everyone loved it...my sister read it and told me how awesome it was (idk if she reviewed, but she doesn't have an account so if she did, she left her name without signing in (forgot what that word was...and I'm feeling reall stupid now...))
Should i? I kind of know the ending now. Not everything but I still know alot. But if I do I'll have you know that it's the first novel I'll ever read that has over 20 chapters. I don't really like reading but this just sounds good.
Oh, and my favorite part is the "Drive faster!"
"I'm going 10 miles over the speed limit!"
"Drive even faster!"
"Do you want me to get pulled over?"
"…Yes!"
...part. (: Your funny!
So...I read this before i read your original heartbreaker story... Not one of my best ideas considering your authors note at the end of the story/chapter/whatever this is suppose to be!
Now I'm wondering if i should read heartbreaker or not. I mean...it has a million reviews and it sounds awesome and everyone loved it...my sister read it and told me how awesome it was (idk if she reviewed, but she doesn't have an account so if she did, she left her name without signing in (forgot what that word was...and I'm feeling reall stupid now...))
Should i? I kind of know the ending now. Not everything but I still know alot. But if I do I'll have you know that it's the first novel I'll ever read that has over 20 chapters. I don't really like reading but this just sounds good.
Oh, and my favorite part is the "Drive faster!"
"I'm going 10 miles over the speed limit!"
"Drive even faster!"
"Do you want me to get pulled over?"
"…Yes!"
...part. (: Your funny!
12/11/2011 c1 Shadow Kissed Twilight
Oh wow. Love how Sean (because I prefer it spelled that way) had the same sense of humor. How you described Kristi was prefect for someone like their freakish Uncle Steve- ugly and a bitch!~ What a winning combination.
Wait, wait... A story with no stoner Joey?
No.
Glad he came into play.
The dog sounded awesome though. :)
All in all, glad you unearthed this little gem.
Oh wow. Love how Sean (because I prefer it spelled that way) had the same sense of humor. How you described Kristi was prefect for someone like their freakish Uncle Steve- ugly and a bitch!~ What a winning combination.
Wait, wait... A story with no stoner Joey?
No.
Glad he came into play.
The dog sounded awesome though. :)
All in all, glad you unearthed this little gem.
11/19/2011 c1 Alice in Reality
This wasn't what I expected at all. Adam's pretty much the same, but Sean (yes, *Sean*; I don't like the other spelling) seems...different. I don't know how. He just seems kind of immature in this version. True, he was always goofy and immature, but he seemed immature in a weird way in this chapter. Maybe it was due to how overdramatic he was. He made snide remarks and was sarcastic in the original Heartbreaker, but he seemed to be more childish here.
Ok, my focus on Sean is over. I obviously don't like Kristi and I, like I'm sure many of your other reviewers would have done, would have wished death or just plain suffering on her throughout the story. Steve didn't seem as annoying here, but I'm sure he would've gotten worse as the story progressed. As for Jackie, I would've loved the addition of a dog. I'm disappointed now that I realized that you took that part of the story out. And the other stuff (Sean's snake bites, the Mayfields living next door, ect.) I have no opinion on that. I wouldn't have cared either way.
Oh, and Garrett and Joey? I would've been very upset if you left them out. Then again...I wouldn't have realized they were missing if you never created them because they never would have appeared in the story... It's strange how the human mind works.
Great job! I loved seeing this bonus chapter! I'll make sure to check my e-mail on a regular basis again so I'll know when you update How to Catch a Killer. :)
This wasn't what I expected at all. Adam's pretty much the same, but Sean (yes, *Sean*; I don't like the other spelling) seems...different. I don't know how. He just seems kind of immature in this version. True, he was always goofy and immature, but he seemed immature in a weird way in this chapter. Maybe it was due to how overdramatic he was. He made snide remarks and was sarcastic in the original Heartbreaker, but he seemed to be more childish here.
Ok, my focus on Sean is over. I obviously don't like Kristi and I, like I'm sure many of your other reviewers would have done, would have wished death or just plain suffering on her throughout the story. Steve didn't seem as annoying here, but I'm sure he would've gotten worse as the story progressed. As for Jackie, I would've loved the addition of a dog. I'm disappointed now that I realized that you took that part of the story out. And the other stuff (Sean's snake bites, the Mayfields living next door, ect.) I have no opinion on that. I wouldn't have cared either way.
Oh, and Garrett and Joey? I would've been very upset if you left them out. Then again...I wouldn't have realized they were missing if you never created them because they never would have appeared in the story... It's strange how the human mind works.
Great job! I loved seeing this bonus chapter! I'll make sure to check my e-mail on a regular basis again so I'll know when you update How to Catch a Killer. :)
11/6/2011 c1 
2LDS Dreamer
I actually just read this. I feel bad because I didn't check sooner. I loved this and the last one! I will now go and read How to catch a killer now that I have a some free time.
2LDS DreamerI actually just read this. I feel bad because I didn't check sooner. I loved this and the last one! I will now go and read How to catch a killer now that I have a some free time.
10/30/2011 c1 5Krisadilli
Cute! Unlike a lot of writers I know, I'm one of the few people who likes rereading their stuff. XD Especially if it's old. *shudders*
But yeah. Nice little bonus chapter. :)
- Krissie
5KrisadilliCute! Unlike a lot of writers I know, I'm one of the few people who likes rereading their stuff. XD Especially if it's old. *shudders*
But yeah. Nice little bonus chapter. :)
- Krissie
10/17/2011 c1 Evil Dr. Yoho
Well, hello there! Look who's back! I was honestly starting to think you gave up, which was pretty sad considering your stories are one of the only forms of amusement I have left right now. Sad, I know, but true.
If it means anything, I found stories that I wrote when I was younger that I forgot about. Given, I was about ten years old or so when I wrote said stories, but I still forgot about them. Do those count? Or are we talking stories/chapters that we wrote within the past year or past five years? Because I think you're alone there. XD
To be honest, I'm not sure which version of Sean's name I like more. I like both. I guess I'll stick with Sean because you used it that way in the original story and I'm just fond of that spelling now due to it.
I obviously hate Kristi. Anyone who likes her needs to get their head checked. Was Steve still the oldest Parker sibling if he was only in his early 40s? I can't see that, because that would mean Will would be REALLY young when he "had the twins", if you get what I mean. I don't know if you stuck with your original twist ending with Ryan Tarentella being in the picture, but still. I'm guessing Will would've been older in this situation.
I'm overthinking, aren't I? Sorry, I do that a lot!
Hmm...anything else I want to overthink? Or just comment on? Well, I kind of like Eve just having her bangs dyed. I can't imagine her whole head being black and blue. It would be a little too much. I could live without the red tint in the twins' hair, though. But no Joey! The story wouldn't be the same without him!
Umm...Adam killing Steve. I wouldn't have liked that. The person you had do it (won't say it here just in case someone who didn't read Heartbreaker reads this) was a much better choice. I think Jack would've been a good choice, though, considering he killed Will too and it would've been ironic that he killed two of the three Parkers. Unless you had him kill Mark in the story too and he killed all three. Then that would be too dramatic for me.
Damn it Yoho! Stop overthinking! Your review is too long! (Haha...damn it Yoho probably sounded really funny.)
Ok, so that's all I have to say. And I said a lot. So I'm going to read HtCaK next and hopefully I won't blab too much about those chapters! Unless you want me to. Then I will. :)
Well, hello there! Look who's back! I was honestly starting to think you gave up, which was pretty sad considering your stories are one of the only forms of amusement I have left right now. Sad, I know, but true.
If it means anything, I found stories that I wrote when I was younger that I forgot about. Given, I was about ten years old or so when I wrote said stories, but I still forgot about them. Do those count? Or are we talking stories/chapters that we wrote within the past year or past five years? Because I think you're alone there. XD
To be honest, I'm not sure which version of Sean's name I like more. I like both. I guess I'll stick with Sean because you used it that way in the original story and I'm just fond of that spelling now due to it.
I obviously hate Kristi. Anyone who likes her needs to get their head checked. Was Steve still the oldest Parker sibling if he was only in his early 40s? I can't see that, because that would mean Will would be REALLY young when he "had the twins", if you get what I mean. I don't know if you stuck with your original twist ending with Ryan Tarentella being in the picture, but still. I'm guessing Will would've been older in this situation.
I'm overthinking, aren't I? Sorry, I do that a lot!
Hmm...anything else I want to overthink? Or just comment on? Well, I kind of like Eve just having her bangs dyed. I can't imagine her whole head being black and blue. It would be a little too much. I could live without the red tint in the twins' hair, though. But no Joey! The story wouldn't be the same without him!
Umm...Adam killing Steve. I wouldn't have liked that. The person you had do it (won't say it here just in case someone who didn't read Heartbreaker reads this) was a much better choice. I think Jack would've been a good choice, though, considering he killed Will too and it would've been ironic that he killed two of the three Parkers. Unless you had him kill Mark in the story too and he killed all three. Then that would be too dramatic for me.
Damn it Yoho! Stop overthinking! Your review is too long! (Haha...damn it Yoho probably sounded really funny.)
Ok, so that's all I have to say. And I said a lot. So I'm going to read HtCaK next and hopefully I won't blab too much about those chapters! Unless you want me to. Then I will. :)
10/15/2011 c1 Live4Lolz
Sorry for falling asleep on you last night! One minute I was like "Yay I'll read Heartbreaker next!" and then I disappeared! Now I'm in college too and I feel your pain in terms of how tiring it is.
I have to agree with *most* of your other reviewers. I like Sean better than Shawn, but maybe that's because I read 50 chapters worth of his name spelled like that. And my room mate's boyfriend is named Shawn (spelled that way) and I'm not a huge fan of him.
And Kristi! Omg! I'm so glad you got rid of her, because if you didn't, I would've killed her! Or asked you to kill her! But obviously you wouldn't have. :( That's disappointing.
I'm not sure how I feel about Eve living next door. I think that would've been really cute (like Adam climbing through her window, maybe? ;)) but at the same time, it IS kind of cliched, as one of your other reviewers said. I think I would've ended up liking it, though.
I really like the idea of posting additional chapters like this. If you have any more, I wouldn't have a problem with you posting them! You're an awesome writer and I love reading everything you write, no matter how short/long/weird/random/crazy! :D
Sorry for falling asleep on you last night! One minute I was like "Yay I'll read Heartbreaker next!" and then I disappeared! Now I'm in college too and I feel your pain in terms of how tiring it is.
I have to agree with *most* of your other reviewers. I like Sean better than Shawn, but maybe that's because I read 50 chapters worth of his name spelled like that. And my room mate's boyfriend is named Shawn (spelled that way) and I'm not a huge fan of him.
And Kristi! Omg! I'm so glad you got rid of her, because if you didn't, I would've killed her! Or asked you to kill her! But obviously you wouldn't have. :( That's disappointing.
I'm not sure how I feel about Eve living next door. I think that would've been really cute (like Adam climbing through her window, maybe? ;)) but at the same time, it IS kind of cliched, as one of your other reviewers said. I think I would've ended up liking it, though.
I really like the idea of posting additional chapters like this. If you have any more, I wouldn't have a problem with you posting them! You're an awesome writer and I love reading everything you write, no matter how short/long/weird/random/crazy! :D
10/14/2011 c1 InsecureButFun
Okay here we go. I was actually surprised you posted this, this early. I thought it was going to much later xD.
Okay so I have to say, I love the original more, including how Sean's name is spelt Sean instead of Shawn I can't really imagine it any other way. But still love the one-liners and jokes throughout the one chapter. Like, Adam denying thinking about kissing Sean (yeah sure you weren't), And Sean actually seems much more childish in this.
And Kristi, gosh, she's a bitch. But I already like her dog :).
Especially after reading he/she would've attacked her later on.
And I actually like how the Parker's lived next door to the Mayfield's. It defiantly would've made some parts very interesting if the Mayfield's were right next door.
Wow, I really forgot how much I missed this story.
Anyway thanks for uploading :)
Okay here we go. I was actually surprised you posted this, this early. I thought it was going to much later xD.
Okay so I have to say, I love the original more, including how Sean's name is spelt Sean instead of Shawn I can't really imagine it any other way. But still love the one-liners and jokes throughout the one chapter. Like, Adam denying thinking about kissing Sean (yeah sure you weren't), And Sean actually seems much more childish in this.
And Kristi, gosh, she's a bitch. But I already like her dog :).
Especially after reading he/she would've attacked her later on.
And I actually like how the Parker's lived next door to the Mayfield's. It defiantly would've made some parts very interesting if the Mayfield's were right next door.
Wow, I really forgot how much I missed this story.
Anyway thanks for uploading :)
10/14/2011 c1 3thenutrunningthenuthouse
Ahem, if I may, Sean is wayyy better than Shawn. Thanksies. XD
Dr. Payne, oh Adam, of course you'd get an ortho named that. XD Forgot how much I loved your writing. Ah, how I've missed you! :D
Hahah, of course Adam, of course you wouldn't think about kissing your brother. But he does have a point...wouldn't that be kind of hard?
["Nooo, you're my legal guardian. Kristi's just your bitch!" Shawn replied icily.] - Sean (sorry, refused to change) and i were thinking the exact same thing!
I find it kind of hilarious how different our stories are. In the series I'm currently writing, one of the characters lives with his aunt, yet they're really close and when she gets married, he starts by disliking him but ends up bonding over hunting. XD Goes to show just how amazing fiction is and how many different combinations we can work with.
["That's apparent, you ungrateful little troll."] - TROLLFACE! and it's even funnier because Sean is the poser child for trollface! XD
Now I can't remember the original story, but were they always neighbors? -_- Well if not, cool addition...err part that was taken away...
I like the way Adam and Eve met in the revised story better. The whole neighbor thing is kind of cliche. Well, I'm off to start reading HTCAK! :D
3thenutrunningthenuthouseAhem, if I may, Sean is wayyy better than Shawn. Thanksies. XD
Dr. Payne, oh Adam, of course you'd get an ortho named that. XD Forgot how much I loved your writing. Ah, how I've missed you! :D
Hahah, of course Adam, of course you wouldn't think about kissing your brother. But he does have a point...wouldn't that be kind of hard?
["Nooo, you're my legal guardian. Kristi's just your bitch!" Shawn replied icily.] - Sean (sorry, refused to change) and i were thinking the exact same thing!
I find it kind of hilarious how different our stories are. In the series I'm currently writing, one of the characters lives with his aunt, yet they're really close and when she gets married, he starts by disliking him but ends up bonding over hunting. XD Goes to show just how amazing fiction is and how many different combinations we can work with.
["That's apparent, you ungrateful little troll."] - TROLLFACE! and it's even funnier because Sean is the poser child for trollface! XD
Now I can't remember the original story, but were they always neighbors? -_- Well if not, cool addition...err part that was taken away...
I like the way Adam and Eve met in the revised story better. The whole neighbor thing is kind of cliche. Well, I'm off to start reading HTCAK! :D
10/14/2011 c1 7SapphireofMystery
I knew you were going to post this, but this was even more different than I thought. It was still kind of funny, though not as funny as the original. It was kind of unsettling. First of, Sean's name. I actually like the name Shawn spelled that way better, and I know you said you spelled it that way originally but after seeing Sean spelled this way for so long...well, I can't exactly handle seeing it spelled any other way. What I can't understand is how you can change names the way you did. Rebecca to Courtney? I can't change names of characters like that. I wouldn't even be able to change Shawn to Sean. Anyway, I think Courtney fits better than Rebecca for the character anyway. And I think Rebecca is a good name for HtCaK's antagonist. She seems more like a Rebecca than a Courtney anyway. Sean wasn't as sarcastic as he was, but the chapter was still funny. Kristi is a bitch, but Jackie seems like a cutie. Gotta love dogs! If this was the original second chapter, then what was the original first chapter because that obviously didn't happen. Eve met Adam while she was walking home in the first chapter, but the first chapter can't be the same in this version. If the shopping trip was before Eve's walking journey (which it seems it was), then Eve would've recognized him when he helped her get home. And if her walking journey was first, then they both would've recognized each other. They don't have the red tint? So sad. I liked that. The snake bites bit was...interesting. I think I probably would've liked the story just as much if you'd written it this way since I wouldn't have known any other way, and this chapter is more interesting than the original second chapter anyway, but maybe not because you said chapter five wouldn't have happened and that is still my favorite chapter. I think it's the funniest, and it was the one that got me hooked onto the story in the first place. Anyway, that's all I'll say for now. I hope this review wasn't too long (the screen didn't go wonky so I don't think it was, unless it just doesn't do that anymore. Anyway, I'm gonna go read HtCaK now...bye!
7SapphireofMysteryI knew you were going to post this, but this was even more different than I thought. It was still kind of funny, though not as funny as the original. It was kind of unsettling. First of, Sean's name. I actually like the name Shawn spelled that way better, and I know you said you spelled it that way originally but after seeing Sean spelled this way for so long...well, I can't exactly handle seeing it spelled any other way. What I can't understand is how you can change names the way you did. Rebecca to Courtney? I can't change names of characters like that. I wouldn't even be able to change Shawn to Sean. Anyway, I think Courtney fits better than Rebecca for the character anyway. And I think Rebecca is a good name for HtCaK's antagonist. She seems more like a Rebecca than a Courtney anyway. Sean wasn't as sarcastic as he was, but the chapter was still funny. Kristi is a bitch, but Jackie seems like a cutie. Gotta love dogs! If this was the original second chapter, then what was the original first chapter because that obviously didn't happen. Eve met Adam while she was walking home in the first chapter, but the first chapter can't be the same in this version. If the shopping trip was before Eve's walking journey (which it seems it was), then Eve would've recognized him when he helped her get home. And if her walking journey was first, then they both would've recognized each other. They don't have the red tint? So sad. I liked that. The snake bites bit was...interesting. I think I probably would've liked the story just as much if you'd written it this way since I wouldn't have known any other way, and this chapter is more interesting than the original second chapter anyway, but maybe not because you said chapter five wouldn't have happened and that is still my favorite chapter. I think it's the funniest, and it was the one that got me hooked onto the story in the first place. Anyway, that's all I'll say for now. I hope this review wasn't too long (the screen didn't go wonky so I don't think it was, unless it just doesn't do that anymore. Anyway, I'm gonna go read HtCaK now...bye!