for Magic of Love8/13/2012 c1 Anxious Axolotl
I think this is a very good prologue, a bit cliche but that's not always a bad thing! I think the opening sentence is a little too cliche though, especially calling her hair raven. My suggestion would be focus on the birth in the opening line rather than the queen's appearance. There are also too many characters left unnamed for most of this.
The dialogue was quite well done I thought, other than a few lines which seemed a little out of character/out of place. Such as ["Did my mother say good bye to me? If yes, then why?"] seemed really formal for a young boy, especially for a young boy thinking to himself. Maybe something like ["Did my mother say good bye to me? I wonder what she'd say goodbye to me for"] would sound more natural. Also, I think the guard who was meant to be guarding the queen might have more to say than 'I'm sorry' if the queen was discovered missing on his watch (the security in this castle seems pretty sketchy!).
There were a few minor errors I'll list so you can fix them if/when you choose to edit:
- [The raven haired young woman laid on her bed] - 'laid' should be 'lay
- [What do you meant] - 'mean', not 'meant'
- ["My King, she was gone. I sorry!"] - I said before, I think something like 'my sincerest apology' might be better, but if you really want to keep this line, it should read 'I'm sorry'
There didn't seem to be a lot of method as to what was italicized and what wasn't, or maybe I just didn't figure it out. I thought this was a pretty good introduction and I look forward to reading the rest of this when I have time! I'm not usually one for romance stores, but this looks quite intriguing.
I think this is a very good prologue, a bit cliche but that's not always a bad thing! I think the opening sentence is a little too cliche though, especially calling her hair raven. My suggestion would be focus on the birth in the opening line rather than the queen's appearance. There are also too many characters left unnamed for most of this.
The dialogue was quite well done I thought, other than a few lines which seemed a little out of character/out of place. Such as ["Did my mother say good bye to me? If yes, then why?"] seemed really formal for a young boy, especially for a young boy thinking to himself. Maybe something like ["Did my mother say good bye to me? I wonder what she'd say goodbye to me for"] would sound more natural. Also, I think the guard who was meant to be guarding the queen might have more to say than 'I'm sorry' if the queen was discovered missing on his watch (the security in this castle seems pretty sketchy!).
There were a few minor errors I'll list so you can fix them if/when you choose to edit:
- [The raven haired young woman laid on her bed] - 'laid' should be 'lay
- [What do you meant] - 'mean', not 'meant'
- ["My King, she was gone. I sorry!"] - I said before, I think something like 'my sincerest apology' might be better, but if you really want to keep this line, it should read 'I'm sorry'
There didn't seem to be a lot of method as to what was italicized and what wasn't, or maybe I just didn't figure it out. I thought this was a pretty good introduction and I look forward to reading the rest of this when I have time! I'm not usually one for romance stores, but this looks quite intriguing.
7/20/2012 c31 CrystalGW34
I hope there is some way to break the curse. Can't wait to read more. Please update soon. :)
I hope there is some way to break the curse. Can't wait to read more. Please update soon. :)
7/16/2012 c30 Guest
Great chapter. Can't wait to read more. Please update soon. :)
Great chapter. Can't wait to read more. Please update soon. :)
7/16/2012 c29 Guest
I don't like the sound of that curse. I hope it doesn't come to true. Poor Sumlalee and Joo - chan.
I don't like the sound of that curse. I hope it doesn't come to true. Poor Sumlalee and Joo - chan.
7/13/2012 c28 CrystalGW34
I wish Xiaojie would just disappear and leave Joo - chan and Sumlalee alone. Anyway, can't wait to read more. Please update soon. Great chapter. :)
I wish Xiaojie would just disappear and leave Joo - chan and Sumlalee alone. Anyway, can't wait to read more. Please update soon. Great chapter. :)
6/25/2012 c27 CrystalGW34
Great chapter. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Please update soon. :)
Great chapter. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Please update soon. :)
66/16/2012 c26 CrystalGW34
Great chapter. I always enjoy the scenes with Joo - chan and Sumlalee. Can't wait until they get married. Please update again soon. :)
Great chapter. I always enjoy the scenes with Joo - chan and Sumlalee. Can't wait until they get married. Please update again soon. :)
6/14/2012 c25 Curlysquirt95
Hopefully she doesn't die from the poison covering her wedding dress. :( nice chapter! :)
Hopefully she doesn't die from the poison covering her wedding dress. :( nice chapter! :)
6/14/2012 c24 Curlysquirt95
I'm glad Sumlalee got her voice back and her gift sounds wonderful. :) great chapter :)
I'm glad Sumlalee got her voice back and her gift sounds wonderful. :) great chapter :)
6/14/2012 c23 Curlysquirt95
Hopefully Sumlalee's voice comes back and she likes her Christmas gift. Nice chapter! :)
Hopefully Sumlalee's voice comes back and she likes her Christmas gift. Nice chapter! :)
6/10/2012 c25 CrystalGW34
Glad you were able to update. Did I mention that I hate Xiaojie? Anyway, can't wait to read more. Please update soon. :)
Glad you were able to update. Did I mention that I hate Xiaojie? Anyway, can't wait to read more. Please update soon. :)
6/3/2012 c23 CrystalGW34
Someone really needs to get rid of Xioajie. Anyway, great chapter. I hope Sumlalee gets her voice back soon. Can't wait to read more. Looking forward to the update on Wednesday. :)
Someone really needs to get rid of Xioajie. Anyway, great chapter. I hope Sumlalee gets her voice back soon. Can't wait to read more. Looking forward to the update on Wednesday. :)