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for In Circles

8/15/2013 c1 12GossamerSilverglow
Freebie Review won by lookingwest:

It was any story on lookingwest’s favorite list so I went with the one that had the least amount of reviews. Here goes:

The first sentence drew me in right away and as I continued to read that first paragraph I couldn’t help think “hmm, where have I seen this before?” My mother, my sister, even my uncle (it happens to guys apparently too) are stuck in unhealthy relationships and when that get that moment of sense and break up with that person, it only lasts a matter of days. My point, and back to your story, is that being able to relate so quickly to the first section hiked the likeability up and made me want to keep reading, even if I didn’t have to.

They try so hard to be together for that first initial response, that first couple of weeks where it’s great and everything is okay, but they don’t communicate, which inevitably leads to cheating. That sucks and I hope the narrator finally gives him the boot for good.

Why doesn’t she say it? She needs to, ‘course then he’d end up falling back in love with her and it would start again. While I don’t agree with her decision I can understand it. The fear of being alone is powerful. It must hurt even more for the narrator to know that he probably cheated on her with his best friend, the one she hates so much. How very depressing…on the upside, it was beautifully written, a real emotion jerking piece. Great job!
6/9/2012 c1 28a-perpetual-hiraeth
Gritty and tough like a slice of real life, and I savored every word.
10/15/2011 c1 1DestinyCrusader
That was an amazing read. The main idea of referring to the circle again and again was good, but the way you presented it made it totally awesome.

And the one paragraph of what would happen was a good part of it. Going on and on just to say she did nothing. I liked that.

It's totally great for a first draft. Even a final one, I'd say. It's just the ending that bothers me a bit. I love how its "The Circle is almost complete," and "Except this time I knew it was there." but for some reason, "I knew it was shit" ruins the first two lines, and the flow of the story.

Besides that, I LOVED IT! :)
10/15/2011 c1 30sophiesix
aw Xen this is so cool. i so admire how you can do real stuff. i'm hopeless with it. but you hook teh reader in and keep them glued all teh way through, and not with firebreathing dragons and death defying feats but with reality and achingly true to life characterisation and teh real pain of relationships. i love where teh mc's imagination goes, and i absolutely adore teh ending. in keeping with your theme though, maybe consider having something similar, emotion-wise, but shown/acted out, in teh begining, to get that real sense of a closing circle? loved it.
10/15/2011 c1 4lookingwest
Loved it. Love love love loved it. ...I don't know...this just really hit home with me. Like everything about it. I just kept thinking of last March and everything, and my cheating experience, and I feel so much like this about it, like why don't people just *come out with it*? But no one ever does...

Anyway. I loved the voice. You had me won over towards the end with the larger paragraphs of "this is what would happen" and then up to that ending where nothing was said. I just really relate to that almost 100%. Seriously. I liked that they kept silent and pretended everything was normal-I've experienced that kind of thing, and I think you wrote it wonderfully.

I'm no good with grammar/spelling lately, and find myself reading more for content, but stylistically, I really enjoyed this. Per usual, it's very refreshing to read your work. You really have a way with the human condition, and moments and relationships in people's lives. You do a great job here. I really loved this :)

Don't change that big paragraph, as far as making new ones, or anything. I liked the stream of consciousness effect there. That was my favorite. Gah-I just really loved this. Thank you, Xen. Hope things are well and all since I don't see you too often :)

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