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1/21/2012 c8 1Luckcharm
Okay, let's just get this straight... I think at the start of the chapter you should put who's POV it is, because it took me until about "Miss Preston" to fully realize that it wasn't Max's POV xD But that just might be because it's the school holidays for us Southern Hemisphere-ers, and my brain's quite slow at the moment xP

Other than that, GREAT CHAPTER! ^_^b I really see a quality about this story like it's a real fictional book that's been published! Though it lacked a bit of dialogue, the description was really highly written~

Update soon~! Can't wait to find out what happens to Max! (Is it just me, or does that sound mean? O.o)
1/7/2012 c7 113th-Star
This is so good. I have many things to wonder about so far :) Please don't let Max die now. I really want him to give Calib his just desserts.
1/6/2012 c7 Luckcharm
Hah, yeah it's me xD I just can't be stuffed logging in right now :P

HOLY CRAP. DON'T FREAKING DIE NOW! DDDD:

xD Anyways... Could you just elaborate more about Max's feelings and more about the explanations of the "dark magic"? It just feels like (to me) that things are just happening too fast in too less time. I mean, the kiss that they shared... You didn't really write any emotion, just what happened :/ You know what I'm getting at?

Okay, other than my really picky self (currently because I'm grouchy and I'm sleepy... I'm staying up so I can draw :P), it was GREAT!

Update soon~! Keep it up! :D
12/20/2011 c6 1Luckcharm
Honestly, the grandma appearing (did she pass? You didn't really clarify, or I just wasn't paying attention), but that really made me go teary eyed!

And I totally agree with Arrowcorpse! It was hard to put down what I really liked about your story, but as I read more chapters, I can really start to pin point the aspects I like! ^_^b Though yeah, I can spot a little grammatical error from here to there, but it didn't confuse me to a point where I couldn't understand at all :P Just be careful around these things! I too, have to work on grammar (I think), so you're not alone!

Anyways, sorry for not reviewing lately mTT_TTm My browser keeps crashing randomly, and it has a MASSIVE dislike to FPnet D:

Keep it up!
12/5/2011 c4 1Arrowcorpse
This story is really starting to unfold. I at first wasn't sure why I liked it, since it seemed sort of like a love story that could be turned into a chick flick, but now my liking for it is becoming clearer. It's well written, but the grammar really needs to be fixed.
11/14/2011 c3 1Luckcharm
:P Sorry to say, but my eyes STILL disagree with the format xDDD But I'm writing my thingy, which is quite spaced out, so that's probably the problem :P

Anyways... THAT WAS AWESOME MAN! x33 I absolutely LOVE your description skills! I'll definitely be aiming to get to this stage! :D

Update soon~! ^_^b
11/5/2011 c2 Luckcharm
xD I still find it a little hard to imagine myself in a boy's body, though I still get the feel for it!

I don't really think you can improve on something (from what I can tell), but I think that the only thing is maybe a little more flowing with your sentences. I too, have to work on this, so you're not alone xD

Update soon~!
10/19/2011 c1 Luckcharm
Wow O_O I was practically hugging my moniter screen when I read that first paragraph xDD

But I find it hard to relate to... Since it's in first person and I'm a girl xDDD I find it hard to relate, though the story is AWESOME. (as far as I can tell currently :P). But I'm sure that my problem doesn't apply to everyone though xD It's just that I'm so accustomed to reading Girl 1st person, if it ever is 1st person, so it's not your skill level! Actually, you should probably be blaming me xDDDD

And just one more thing that MIGHT put people off (because it certainly put my brother off). Every time a different character speaks, it should be on a new line. Eg, instead of:

"Where are you going to take me: movies, dinner, or bowling?" Kali asked leaning toward me. Her boobs were pressed against the table, almost popping out of her black zip-up dress. "Um, it's a surprise," I said trying to look her in the face but my eyes kept on straying to her huge chest. She leaned even closer, stretching out her fingers to touch my hand, and purred, "I love surprises!"

It should be:

"Where are you going to take me: movies, dinner, or bowling?" Kali asked leaning toward me. Her boobs were pressed against the table, almost popping out of her black zip-up dress.

"Um, it's a surprise," I said trying to look her in the face but my eyes kept on straying to her huge chest. She leaned even closer, stretching out her fingers to touch my hand, and purred, "I love surprises!"

Now, the last one doesn't count because you're quoting her. So everytime you say: "Hi!" xyz said happily. Abc replied a few minutes later with a quick "sup".

Get it? I'm sure you do, since your writing is good. But if you need more help or something, search it up on google, my friends always say that my explanations are too confusing xD Though in my mind they make perfect sense O.o

Update soon~!
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