for Outsider6/9/2014 c16 
2Luti Faube
Once again, a wonderful chapter with a great amount of detail and characterisation. I do wonder what's up with Asher's change of personality though.
2Luti FaubeOnce again, a wonderful chapter with a great amount of detail and characterisation. I do wonder what's up with Asher's change of personality though.
6/6/2014 c15 Luti Faube
I know that was a short chapter, but I love love loved it. And I'm glad you're going to update soon, and very excited for that. I love Malachi, and I absolutely adore how you write. Anna's completely believable, and it's nice how her personality isn't Mary Sue or overly aggressive or cocky.
I know that was a short chapter, but I love love loved it. And I'm glad you're going to update soon, and very excited for that. I love Malachi, and I absolutely adore how you write. Anna's completely believable, and it's nice how her personality isn't Mary Sue or overly aggressive or cocky.
5/8/2014 c14 Luti Faube
Great chapter, although there wasn't too much action and no Malachi, I still liked it. Only thing I do warn against is giving Anna too much power because it happens in so many stories. It seems unfair and disjointed for there to be one special character who, not out of choice, is the most powerful. You've read RosieRoo's His Queen and His Captive, right?
Great stories, other than the fact it's all down to inheritance that they should be so special, and that Faolan and Aeron weren't as powerful for some unknown reason. Still, loving the originality of this story.
Great chapter, although there wasn't too much action and no Malachi, I still liked it. Only thing I do warn against is giving Anna too much power because it happens in so many stories. It seems unfair and disjointed for there to be one special character who, not out of choice, is the most powerful. You've read RosieRoo's His Queen and His Captive, right?
Great stories, other than the fact it's all down to inheritance that they should be so special, and that Faolan and Aeron weren't as powerful for some unknown reason. Still, loving the originality of this story.
5/7/2014 c14 Lady Morrighan
I'm so happy this sory got a new chapter, it would be nice if the updates were made more often .
I'm so happy this sory got a new chapter, it would be nice if the updates were made more often .
3/29/2014 c13 Luti Faube
A refreshingly original story. Great so far, awesome descriptions and this blood bond seems very interesting indeed. I really like Malachi's character and his and Anna's interaction so far, and I do hope they'll be together and have a happy ending - because most stories would've made Anna leave with the Prince and kill Malachi?
A refreshingly original story. Great so far, awesome descriptions and this blood bond seems very interesting indeed. I really like Malachi's character and his and Anna's interaction so far, and I do hope they'll be together and have a happy ending - because most stories would've made Anna leave with the Prince and kill Malachi?
3/29/2014 c13 Lady Morrighan
This story is so well written, so much detail in every scene and I really enjoyed reading it from start to end. It's really interesting and I hope we get more scenes with Malachi and Ana , I'm curious about their bond and what exactly he wants from her. Can't wait for the next chapter!
This story is so well written, so much detail in every scene and I really enjoyed reading it from start to end. It's really interesting and I hope we get more scenes with Malachi and Ana , I'm curious about their bond and what exactly he wants from her. Can't wait for the next chapter!
3/25/2014 c12 2Karategirl422
Got to say Stephanie, this one got my interest. Had a feeling about Evans identity but I'm glad it was revealed at a proper time. Asher is a unique character. It's understandable why he is the way he is. Anna seems like a likeable character, believable mannerisms and relatable. Malachi makes a great sexy bad guy, curious to see what his plans are. Multi- world domination perhaps? Lol anyway, I like it a lot so far and can't wait to see where it goes. :)
2Karategirl422Got to say Stephanie, this one got my interest. Had a feeling about Evans identity but I'm glad it was revealed at a proper time. Asher is a unique character. It's understandable why he is the way he is. Anna seems like a likeable character, believable mannerisms and relatable. Malachi makes a great sexy bad guy, curious to see what his plans are. Multi- world domination perhaps? Lol anyway, I like it a lot so far and can't wait to see where it goes. :)
2/9/2014 c12 1BrownEyedCutie99
I was NOT expecting that. Usually I predict these things before they happen, but you surprised me there. Good job!
1BrownEyedCutie99I was NOT expecting that. Usually I predict these things before they happen, but you surprised me there. Good job!
1/31/2014 c1 4Veronica Fay
Hi! This was a intense and exciting prologue! I love how well you describe how their magic was interacting! Really amazing!
4Veronica FayHi! This was a intense and exciting prologue! I love how well you describe how their magic was interacting! Really amazing!
5/15/2013 c2 4ellision
i finally have the chance to come back to this. stupid exams getting in the way of fun time.
i know the feeling of working on something for so long and then it being the last day and freaking out about it. coffee definitely helps if it doesn't send you into the jitters.
i really enjoy the pace at which i can read this. your writing is very fluid and the moments of narration and description go together well.
my main suggestions for you are to watch your comma usage. i've run across quite a few sentences that begin with prepositions or prepositional phrases without a comma separating them from the main clause. for example: "Finally I plucked the right key and pushed it into the deadlock." here, you would need a comma after the 'finally'. also, i noticed that some of your descriptions also need commas. it happens mostly when you're describing a noun with two adjectives. for example, "It was only me, after all, and I had bigger goals right now than living in a fancy uptown flat." here, you need a comma between 'fancy' and 'uptown' as both are describing 'flat' rather than 'fancy' describing 'uptown'. it would make sense that way as well, but for this intention, it doesn't.
i was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen when we meet this mysterious guy again. and bam. he's there.
good first chapter. i'll be reading more soon!
4ellisioni finally have the chance to come back to this. stupid exams getting in the way of fun time.
i know the feeling of working on something for so long and then it being the last day and freaking out about it. coffee definitely helps if it doesn't send you into the jitters.
i really enjoy the pace at which i can read this. your writing is very fluid and the moments of narration and description go together well.
my main suggestions for you are to watch your comma usage. i've run across quite a few sentences that begin with prepositions or prepositional phrases without a comma separating them from the main clause. for example: "Finally I plucked the right key and pushed it into the deadlock." here, you would need a comma after the 'finally'. also, i noticed that some of your descriptions also need commas. it happens mostly when you're describing a noun with two adjectives. for example, "It was only me, after all, and I had bigger goals right now than living in a fancy uptown flat." here, you need a comma between 'fancy' and 'uptown' as both are describing 'flat' rather than 'fancy' describing 'uptown'. it would make sense that way as well, but for this intention, it doesn't.
i was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen when we meet this mysterious guy again. and bam. he's there.
good first chapter. i'll be reading more soon!
5/6/2013 c1 ellision
your summary really intrigued me when i ran across it in the new chapters section. i also really like your opening line. reminds me of a time i like remembering. tambien, the present tense is refreshing. it's not very often i see things in present tense that are meant to be in present tense, so i'm curious to see how that plays out in future chapters, should it continue in present tense.
the magic creeping across the floor bit is neat. i just wish i had more of an idea of what magic actually looks like-or feels like in this case. is it a damp feeling? the verb 'creeping' gives a good description of it, but i think that there could be a bit more packed into that sentence to help it along.
you have me on the edge of my seat while anna is running, and i'm not even sure why yet. i like that a lot!
the only real question i have with this opening is the final line about 'they are all dead'. who is they? it's not a question of who exactly they are, but rather that i don't think there was mention of them not being alone. to me, the whole prologue felt like a solitary event, meaning i figured they were alone. just something to think about.
i'm looking forward to reading more of this story. you'll definitely be hearing from me again.
your summary really intrigued me when i ran across it in the new chapters section. i also really like your opening line. reminds me of a time i like remembering. tambien, the present tense is refreshing. it's not very often i see things in present tense that are meant to be in present tense, so i'm curious to see how that plays out in future chapters, should it continue in present tense.
the magic creeping across the floor bit is neat. i just wish i had more of an idea of what magic actually looks like-or feels like in this case. is it a damp feeling? the verb 'creeping' gives a good description of it, but i think that there could be a bit more packed into that sentence to help it along.
you have me on the edge of my seat while anna is running, and i'm not even sure why yet. i like that a lot!
the only real question i have with this opening is the final line about 'they are all dead'. who is they? it's not a question of who exactly they are, but rather that i don't think there was mention of them not being alone. to me, the whole prologue felt like a solitary event, meaning i figured they were alone. just something to think about.
i'm looking forward to reading more of this story. you'll definitely be hearing from me again.
4/27/2013 c7 23fatbird33
Really interesting story so far! I'm super excited to see where you take this. The world that you have created is wonderful!
-Fatbird :)
23fatbird33Really interesting story so far! I'm super excited to see where you take this. The world that you have created is wonderful!
-Fatbird :)
3/26/2013 c7 wisedec4u
For RG-Easy
I really love your descriptions. You a wonderful joy of letting us see everything through Anna's eye. Though I haven't read the previous chapter, I was able to easily get a feel for the characters and the atmosphere.
I also like the manner of speech. It makes the story sound more authentic and believable.
I also like the cliff hanger at the end. Malachi sounds like fearsome man with great power who obviously will stop at nothing to capture Anna. Not sure what her connection is to Malachi because I haven't ready chapters 1-5, but it obvious something major if he willing to go through an army to get to her. Great way to end the chapter. It certainly made me want read more.
For RG-Easy
I really love your descriptions. You a wonderful joy of letting us see everything through Anna's eye. Though I haven't read the previous chapter, I was able to easily get a feel for the characters and the atmosphere.
I also like the manner of speech. It makes the story sound more authentic and believable.
I also like the cliff hanger at the end. Malachi sounds like fearsome man with great power who obviously will stop at nothing to capture Anna. Not sure what her connection is to Malachi because I haven't ready chapters 1-5, but it obvious something major if he willing to go through an army to get to her. Great way to end the chapter. It certainly made me want read more.