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10/23/2011 c1 8urtenshii
I don't exactly read the spiritual stuff but I made an exemption this time.

Plot-wise, this is better than the other one. Phases is cuter, though. But this is quite deeper, for me anyway. Once again, your descriptive skills about the environment was an A. It was just confusing how he was the protector of the place when he was in coma for only six days. Unless, of course, if the place was entirely created in his mind or he just felt like being in it forever. That was the only confusing part. The time frame.

Anyway, I had fun reading this though. And once again, I wouldn't get technical. I seriously don;t do that kind of stuff. I'm more on the plot, the characters and the settings.

Oh, by the way, I like the kid. Her appearance was unexpected but I liked her presence in the story :)

Once again, good luck.

~ Jessa :)

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