for At The End Of The World11/18/2011 c1 
13Q75
A very strong and vivid poem.
It actually made me think of a game I played, based on WWII D-day.
the use of a simple narrative method and the emotions together depict a great picture of a soldier in war and also in war with himself..is pure genius. I tell you. Beautifully written in a unique prespective. I liked it.
Via the roadhouse.
13Q75A very strong and vivid poem.
It actually made me think of a game I played, based on WWII D-day.
the use of a simple narrative method and the emotions together depict a great picture of a soldier in war and also in war with himself..is pure genius. I tell you. Beautifully written in a unique prespective. I liked it.
Via the roadhouse.
11/5/2011 c1 LastDayOnEarth
it was very vivid...it reminded me a lot of a character from a book that's a Lonestar in my state this year. The book's called Countdown
it was very vivid...it reminded me a lot of a character from a book that's a Lonestar in my state this year. The book's called Countdown
11/4/2011 c1 27Ember Eyed Girl
I really like how visceral this poem was. It had good flow and was very haunting. However, I don't know if you intended your adjectives to be so conflicting in extremes, but it kind was kind of confusing. But other than that, GREAT JOB. I love how haunting this poem is.
27Ember Eyed GirlI really like how visceral this poem was. It had good flow and was very haunting. However, I don't know if you intended your adjectives to be so conflicting in extremes, but it kind was kind of confusing. But other than that, GREAT JOB. I love how haunting this poem is.
11/4/2011 c1 Guest
This poem hit me head-on. I like that in poetry; metaphors and allusions can make for very pretty writing, but there's a different kind of beauty to be found in the more direct aspect of language.
You wrote your poem in the form of a narrative, and you've made it jump from scene to scene between stanzas. That works to your advantage here. Going from one specific, horrific moment to the next so disjointedly adds to the chaotic feeling of battle. It also gives the feel that the speaker is jumping from memory to memory - people don't remember things as if they were movies. They jump from scene to scene, often not even in a particular order. You've captured that.
As a previous reviewer stated, you've done an excellent job of helping the reader visualize the specific scenes of the battle that you're describing. People who haven't seen footage of D-day or played WW2 games might have a hard time getting the big picture of the battle, though. They'd have less of an idea of what's going on and might find your poem harder to follow. That said, the 'big picture' isn't really needed to get the point of your poem across. They'll get the gist of it.
I'd appreciate it if you reviewed my story Memoirs of a Mad Scientist. Thanks!
~via the Roadhouse
This poem hit me head-on. I like that in poetry; metaphors and allusions can make for very pretty writing, but there's a different kind of beauty to be found in the more direct aspect of language.
You wrote your poem in the form of a narrative, and you've made it jump from scene to scene between stanzas. That works to your advantage here. Going from one specific, horrific moment to the next so disjointedly adds to the chaotic feeling of battle. It also gives the feel that the speaker is jumping from memory to memory - people don't remember things as if they were movies. They jump from scene to scene, often not even in a particular order. You've captured that.
As a previous reviewer stated, you've done an excellent job of helping the reader visualize the specific scenes of the battle that you're describing. People who haven't seen footage of D-day or played WW2 games might have a hard time getting the big picture of the battle, though. They'd have less of an idea of what's going on and might find your poem harder to follow. That said, the 'big picture' isn't really needed to get the point of your poem across. They'll get the gist of it.
I'd appreciate it if you reviewed my story Memoirs of a Mad Scientist. Thanks!
~via the Roadhouse
11/4/2011 c1 Old xRayneWolfx account
This reminded me of Dean and Sam from the supernatural series but it was in the world war 2 setting. Like I told you on twitter, I loved it and I hope to see more stuff like this from you soon :)
~Rayne
This reminded me of Dean and Sam from the supernatural series but it was in the world war 2 setting. Like I told you on twitter, I loved it and I hope to see more stuff like this from you soon :)
~Rayne
11/3/2011 c1 8jj1027
beautiful work as always, Kobra. Your wording is excellent, and it has a great amount of emotion. Good to see more stuff from you. See you soon.
8jj1027beautiful work as always, Kobra. Your wording is excellent, and it has a great amount of emotion. Good to see more stuff from you. See you soon.
11/3/2011 c1 5Dr. Self Destruct
I'm not the greatest at critiquing poetry, but I'll give it a shot. :D
You have some very vivid images in this poem, right from the start. I think the blunt violence of it, how you mention the blood and the scarlet painted sand, really drives home the severity of the situation. Obviously this is a trying time, and there are many people dying for their beliefs, and I like that you don't take the time to sugar-coat everything, you tell it as it is and don't pull any punches. You show us the brutality of war, the pain of loss, and the madness of watching countless friends/brothers die while defending their country.
I thought this poem had a nice flow to it, and I like that you didn't use a lot of punctuation. Dashes and excessive commas can sometimes distract me (I think that's why I don't read a lot of poetry xD) so this read very smoothly for me.
I'm sensing a feeling of not only loss from this narrator, but also regret. Apparently he blames himself for his friend dying, and in a fit of despair, he rushes to go save him only to be overpowered by the enemy. It is indeed a very sad ending, but I also see him as being incredibly valiant in his effort to help his friend (regardless if there's no hope). The fact he's willing to sacrifice himself so his friend is not alone is very touching... I can't think of many people who would jump into danger for the sake of someone else.
But that's the beauty of people like this. They dedicate their lives to save others. It's why I always gets so angry when people disrespect the military - they can say what they want, but when everything is said and done, these guys will gladly sacrifice themselves to save total strangers. And lord knows this world needs more people like that.
Anyways, I really enjoyed this poem. Thanks for the great read. :D
5Dr. Self DestructI'm not the greatest at critiquing poetry, but I'll give it a shot. :D
You have some very vivid images in this poem, right from the start. I think the blunt violence of it, how you mention the blood and the scarlet painted sand, really drives home the severity of the situation. Obviously this is a trying time, and there are many people dying for their beliefs, and I like that you don't take the time to sugar-coat everything, you tell it as it is and don't pull any punches. You show us the brutality of war, the pain of loss, and the madness of watching countless friends/brothers die while defending their country.
I thought this poem had a nice flow to it, and I like that you didn't use a lot of punctuation. Dashes and excessive commas can sometimes distract me (I think that's why I don't read a lot of poetry xD) so this read very smoothly for me.
I'm sensing a feeling of not only loss from this narrator, but also regret. Apparently he blames himself for his friend dying, and in a fit of despair, he rushes to go save him only to be overpowered by the enemy. It is indeed a very sad ending, but I also see him as being incredibly valiant in his effort to help his friend (regardless if there's no hope). The fact he's willing to sacrifice himself so his friend is not alone is very touching... I can't think of many people who would jump into danger for the sake of someone else.
But that's the beauty of people like this. They dedicate their lives to save others. It's why I always gets so angry when people disrespect the military - they can say what they want, but when everything is said and done, these guys will gladly sacrifice themselves to save total strangers. And lord knows this world needs more people like that.
Anyways, I really enjoyed this poem. Thanks for the great read. :D
11/3/2011 c1 10Katerzzz
I think I've died and gone to poetry heaven! This was GREAT! And it was set in my favourite time period...so well done :P
This was very Auden-esque for me, I assume you've heard of Auden? If not, he's like my most favourite poet everr, and I adore him because of his style of writing. It's beautiful and your poetry really resonates his beauty :) Speaking of Auden, he will soon be appearing in MDD... :D
Yeah, it was quite poignant for me. It seems that the closest bonds are tied in war, and if you already have close bonds before you go into war, seeing them severed can be hard. My granddad, even though he was German (please don't judge :[), lost his brother in the war, and according to family legend, my granddad buried his brother where he had been shot. Bit o' my family history there...but this poem was very poignant and very, very beautifully written...
Fantastic.
~Katzzz
10KaterzzzI think I've died and gone to poetry heaven! This was GREAT! And it was set in my favourite time period...so well done :P
This was very Auden-esque for me, I assume you've heard of Auden? If not, he's like my most favourite poet everr, and I adore him because of his style of writing. It's beautiful and your poetry really resonates his beauty :) Speaking of Auden, he will soon be appearing in MDD... :D
Yeah, it was quite poignant for me. It seems that the closest bonds are tied in war, and if you already have close bonds before you go into war, seeing them severed can be hard. My granddad, even though he was German (please don't judge :[), lost his brother in the war, and according to family legend, my granddad buried his brother where he had been shot. Bit o' my family history there...but this poem was very poignant and very, very beautifully written...
Fantastic.
~Katzzz