for Commitment11/26/2011 c1 
99Dreamers-Requiem
I really like this - it feels to be just about the right length, and I like the Romeo and Juliet links. Especially liked the last part about the parents. Overall, a nice, funny short piece. Great stuff.
99Dreamers-RequiemI really like this - it feels to be just about the right length, and I like the Romeo and Juliet links. Especially liked the last part about the parents. Overall, a nice, funny short piece. Great stuff.
11/15/2011 c1 5Dr. Self Destruct
It's been forever since I've read Romeo and Juliet, so I don't really remember the story all that well. However, I do know the basics, and I really like how you incorporated them in here. But first, let me address the beginning line...
I think the opening paragraph here creates a great amount of tension, especially with how you mention they're two warriors about to fight. I can just picture them sitting there, staring at each other, and neither being sheepish about the coming conversation. I think the short, sharp sentences also help build to the conversation.
[A petulant pout had already slipped onto her soft lips, fitting like a glove. "What is it, honey?" said the mouth, while her bluish eyes whined; 'do we have to?']
Heh, really liked this. Shows she isn't as hard on the inside as she is trying to make herself appear on the outside. And I especially enjoyed the remark about her smile fitting like a glove - I think it's a great metaphor that addresses both the physical appearance of her smile and the state of her attitude.
["I'm not comfortable with your constant use of the 'c' word," he confessed.]
When I first read this, I thought about another 'c' word that, um... was definitely NOT commitment, haha. xD My mind is so in the gutter sometimes.
Not too sure they're going to like you, Romeo!
Really love how this plays into the old story in a more recent time-line like setting/feel.
Good job. I think you packed a lot of punch in so few words. I think it would be interesting to see your more modern-day interpretation of this story. :)
5Dr. Self DestructIt's been forever since I've read Romeo and Juliet, so I don't really remember the story all that well. However, I do know the basics, and I really like how you incorporated them in here. But first, let me address the beginning line...
I think the opening paragraph here creates a great amount of tension, especially with how you mention they're two warriors about to fight. I can just picture them sitting there, staring at each other, and neither being sheepish about the coming conversation. I think the short, sharp sentences also help build to the conversation.
[A petulant pout had already slipped onto her soft lips, fitting like a glove. "What is it, honey?" said the mouth, while her bluish eyes whined; 'do we have to?']
Heh, really liked this. Shows she isn't as hard on the inside as she is trying to make herself appear on the outside. And I especially enjoyed the remark about her smile fitting like a glove - I think it's a great metaphor that addresses both the physical appearance of her smile and the state of her attitude.
["I'm not comfortable with your constant use of the 'c' word," he confessed.]
When I first read this, I thought about another 'c' word that, um... was definitely NOT commitment, haha. xD My mind is so in the gutter sometimes.
Not too sure they're going to like you, Romeo!
Really love how this plays into the old story in a more recent time-line like setting/feel.
Good job. I think you packed a lot of punch in so few words. I think it would be interesting to see your more modern-day interpretation of this story. :)