Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for See Her Through Salt Water

11/12/2016 c1 TheNonyMouse
I like a lot of the imagery in this poem. It's very vivid and bleak. However, I think the theme was a little bit unclear. It almost makes me think of a grim Little Mermaid, except that she wouldn't find human flesh familiar. I think if the poem was a bit longer, with a few more concrete images of the characters, it would be a stronger poem.
8/11/2012 c1 10dokidokipanic
last 3 lines are pretty fu ckin amazing,overal good job mate
8/4/2012 c1 3Kat Annie
How is it that everything you write is so beautiful?

"and he drowns her.
Like cigarette smoke
he fills her lungs."

You make me want to find love.
6/17/2012 c1 28a-perpetual-hiraeth
"...he's become her / dirty little habit." Ooh, scandalous! XD

I love the "lids soaked in salt water" bit, as well as the "Like cigarette smoke / he fills her lungs" bit - they really bring out the "water" theme you've got going on.

A very interesting concept and poem. Well done!
11/19/2011 c1 99Dreamers-Requiem
I really like this; I'm not great with reviewing poetry so sorry if the review is lacking, but I just want to say that I really like the use of imagery you have here. It works really well and builds up a great picture. I especially like the

(Like cigarette smoke

he fills her lungs)

lines, and the stanza after that. Really, really good stuff!
11/16/2011 c1 30sophiesix
mmm, watery! how i love you so. ok, but from the begining.

teh begining, it starts almost plainly. not plainly as in ugly, or bare, but style-wise, sort of... almost like a story. i think it's teh adverb that makes me think that, it makes me think ah, chic lit ;) and i wonder where you are going with this.

"dirty little habit." this one has me torn. i didn't like it teh first time i read it, because it seems such a worn phrase. but then, in teh context, that's quite appropriate, isn't it? it does have interest concept-wise too, that pique of illicitness and urban desire. so you've brought me round, i think.

2nd stanza; oh see this is lovely. is it more lovely because teh first one describes, through its style etc, a plain, ordinary world. probably. You clever.

love that image of something seen trhough water: a figure seen from beneath teh surface, or underwater, like a summer hols image: really tugged at the nostalgia in teh nicest way. it wasn't til much later i realised seh might be crying.

3rd and 4th stanza. love both teh concept of drowning in smoke, and the one of him being air/fire and thus a terrible match for her lovely wateryness - such an aching concept!

5th and 6th stanza - oh nice, a return to both the wateriness and teh familiar. such a beautiful sad ending, inevitable and yet resonating, perfect... sad.. yup. le sigh. this was beautiful Liana!
11/15/2011 c1 4lookingwest
YAAAAAAAY a new poem a new poem a new writing omg omg omg *jumps up and down excitedly* This is so exciting. Okay. Serious poet face on, NOW.

I like the structure that you set up as having three lines per each stanza. Even though this is a free verse poem, it just broke everything up rather nicely and I also think it helps wit the rhythm of how this would be read aloud-there's a pattern of pauses and that's a really good thing. I wish I could hear you read it!

I like using the third person too, and using the characters of "she" and "he", I don't know why but I'm always a fan of that when it comes to poetry. I think it's because seeing it done in poetry doesn't happen very often-or it doesn't happen enough, anyway. Oh, right, and on the subject of pauses, I like the enjambments you use for sentences like "breathes through gills / and he drowns her.", it just works well and visually I love how it looks too.

There weren't any bigger allusions here that I could catch which made it something very real and relatable for me, I like how down-to-earth the content is and I love the richness of some of the words, like "salt water", "gills", "lungs", "flesh". If I'm not mistaken you have a theme with "lungs" in your poetry-it's been such a long time but for some reason when I think back on others the word lung, or at least, the concept and act of breathing or smoking a cigarette, etc. seems to be a common trope.

The visuals pertaining to the theme of water and the sea are also carried over in excellent fashion. I really like that this is also a lot different from your other works because for one, it's a lot shorter, and two, I think you play with some poetic elements in the brevity that I haven't seen in awhile. This is as it's labeled, this romantic tragedy, and I think you keep it unique with the sense of body and the sense of sinking or drowning-it gets violent in times that way, especially "He blazes, burns her up", but I like it that way.

The ending leaves me feeling sad but also curious-I know things might not work out for "She" but the way it's related, this idea of washing away-it's kind of familiar too, or relatable. I don't know. Babble babble. Anyway! I really liked this Chanelle and I'm really excited to see an update :3

I demand more! 8D

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service