for The Glade6/28/2012 c1 
4Road to Rhodes
I like the shape of your poem. Kind of looks like an arrow.
The dove made me think of Chekov's gun. Does the dove have a purpose? if it doesn't it probably shouldn't be there. I really appreciate the use of internal rhyme, because it give a stronger sense of synchronicity.
4Road to RhodesI like the shape of your poem. Kind of looks like an arrow.
The dove made me think of Chekov's gun. Does the dove have a purpose? if it doesn't it probably shouldn't be there. I really appreciate the use of internal rhyme, because it give a stronger sense of synchronicity.
6/12/2012 c1 76The Autumn Queen
The imagery in this is beautiful. I especially love how quietly and gently you painted the image - really represents the mourning in the last sentence.
It's a little difficult to read though because of the length of some of your lines. Since you're breaking it up with commas anyway, I wonder if it's really necessary for you to have lines that long with no paragraph breaks. I'd be able to read it a lot easier and see the images better if it was shorter and split into paragraphs. It would also help you vary the pauses a little as well - you start losing the effect of the whispering wind you had at the beginning there. The middle somewhat loses its texture (middle of line, not middle of poem). My screen actually didn't fit the lines on one line. It's a small point though. It might not have been so obvious if it hadn't been for my screen.
76The Autumn QueenThe imagery in this is beautiful. I especially love how quietly and gently you painted the image - really represents the mourning in the last sentence.
It's a little difficult to read though because of the length of some of your lines. Since you're breaking it up with commas anyway, I wonder if it's really necessary for you to have lines that long with no paragraph breaks. I'd be able to read it a lot easier and see the images better if it was shorter and split into paragraphs. It would also help you vary the pauses a little as well - you start losing the effect of the whispering wind you had at the beginning there. The middle somewhat loses its texture (middle of line, not middle of poem). My screen actually didn't fit the lines on one line. It's a small point though. It might not have been so obvious if it hadn't been for my screen.
11/16/2011 c1 119SomeRandomScribbles
Beautiful imagery in this piece - I love you how build up the setting, and only reveal the story at the very end of the piece.
119SomeRandomScribblesBeautiful imagery in this piece - I love you how build up the setting, and only reveal the story at the very end of the piece.