for Poem7/15/2012 c1 
76The Autumn Queen
I love the ending of this. It was somehow self-encompassing, capturing the theme, the list and the title in that one word. And I like how you led up to it as well, starting with a general image and going to a general list and at last to something specific.
And working in gender bias again. Feminist?
[There were: lyrics, sonnets and poems, held within,] - goes better as [there were lyrics, sonnets and poems held within.]
[But when I got to the final page, and saw to my surprise,] - I think you could put an extra comma after "saw". It somehow gets muddled up otherwise. A little extra flowy, like it doesn't stay long enough to catch it.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
76The Autumn QueenI love the ending of this. It was somehow self-encompassing, capturing the theme, the list and the title in that one word. And I like how you led up to it as well, starting with a general image and going to a general list and at last to something specific.
And working in gender bias again. Feminist?
[There were: lyrics, sonnets and poems, held within,] - goes better as [there were lyrics, sonnets and poems held within.]
[But when I got to the final page, and saw to my surprise,] - I think you could put an extra comma after "saw". It somehow gets muddled up otherwise. A little extra flowy, like it doesn't stay long enough to catch it.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
6/13/2012 c1 12ahorizonforthenewbirds
Very creative! I like it :) The rhymes sound great but I think you can put a period at the end of each rhyming couplet. I enjoyed the theme because it was very original, but I kind of disliked the ending. It was very different from the rest of the poem, and I suppose it sort of jarred me. If you can, I would recommend making it a bit more similar to the whole poem, but leave the last line as it is. It was excellent and the perfect way to end the poem. :)
12ahorizonforthenewbirdsVery creative! I like it :) The rhymes sound great but I think you can put a period at the end of each rhyming couplet. I enjoyed the theme because it was very original, but I kind of disliked the ending. It was very different from the rest of the poem, and I suppose it sort of jarred me. If you can, I would recommend making it a bit more similar to the whole poem, but leave the last line as it is. It was excellent and the perfect way to end the poem. :)