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11/4/2013 c2 1Nooriginalitywhatsoever
I WANT THE NEXT CHAPTER.
PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE?
2/3/2013 c2 1blackandbluewolf727
Great story...I love it! Please continue it! :D
12/30/2011 c1 Boreeeed
I like this, though it needs more detail. Also, I got confused on some parts about what was happening. Though the idea is great and will go far.
12/28/2011 c1 5emmrZep
This is really good! I love it :) especially the part with the 'handsome' waiter... I'm kinda like that; flat-chested! :P

haha :) I noticed on your profile that your 14 and you've loved writing and stuff since you were 5, well thats the same with me! :D YAY!

you're awesome as! keep writing :)
12/28/2011 c2 1Alexandria Darcy
Great. Great. Great. Liking it so far. :D

Gosh, I'm late. I wasn't able to see this earlier. :))

But, wait, why did her parents call her Ashia instead of Lemon? :O

Anyways, keep it up. You are amazing. ;)

-Alex. :) x
12/22/2011 c2 3Karin09
nice chapter I just wonder why is she afraid of dolls and who pushed her in the pool?
12/21/2011 c1 2Justjessx1x
Heyyy,

I really like the plot, it's really creative.

You need to be careful with your grammar but that's nothing because your plot is really good! :-)

xx
12/20/2011 c1 2AgentSunny
Hey! I'm reviewing this just like I said I would. :)

I'm liking the story so far. The plot is creative.

There are a few problems with grammar but it's nothing

that can't be fixed. Good luck and keep writing! :)

-Sunny X
12/19/2011 c2 1Ember Vee
Yo babe this is good. Haha. So much You. XD

But careful with the cases and grammar. Proofread it several times. ;)
12/10/2011 c1 16audacityofmymind
I really like it :) The plot was really creative. Though, you have to work on your grammar. Other than that, it's really good!

Keep writing :)
12/9/2011 c1 3Karin09
Hello Ashia Blue your story is so cute hahaha, the guy is a thief but a cute thief I expect more of your story so please update! :)
12/1/2011 c1 1Faded-Whisper
Hey Ashia

True to my word, I'm reviewing this and I have to say I'm glad you asked me to.

The story is really nice so far - with the basic, fun lines, witty characters but a great, original approach.

I think there were a couple of issues with grammar but other than that - great job! :)

Keep writing.

~Faded-Whisper~

xoxo
12/1/2011 c1 1Alexandria Darcy
Great story. :)

You may be a beginner, or so you say, but, your plot is great. Your story line is great. A few mistakes on grammar and stuff here and there but it's amazing nonetheless. Keep it up. :)

love lots, A.D.
12/1/2011 c1 2Crosscode Trustgraphics
It was nice, funny and I liked it, I don't usually read short stories, but I like your writing style so far. I hope to see more stories from you in the future.
11/30/2011 c1 4alexandrinikkus readman
Hey, nice work. considering this is your first time to write a story. You're good with the specifics i.e. car name, foods and the such. That's nice, I commend you for that. But, I believe you can further integrate your style by considering to take note and brushing up the following.

1. Be mindful of your grammar, subject verb agreements, tenses and the likes. Be mindful of punctuation and redundancies as these are common mistakes of even the most seasoned of writers. A wonderful mastery at this will be your prime key into becoming a better writer.

2. Story progression and way of narration: Yours is still a bit rough as it is for every new writer (even me). The key here is to Read. Just read, you can learn many things from other authors. You don't need to copy their way and style of writing but you can base and/or pattern yours to theirs. Try the classics like F. Scott Fitzgerald, Virginia Woolf, Garcia, etc. But if they're not your type you can go contemporary like Stephen King, Anne Rice and the ever venerable J.K Rowling.

3. After reading, write. Write whenever you can. Keep a pen and notebook with you; even a small one will do. Make writing a habit. Whenever a idea will strike you, write it down on paper. For a writer, writing is as important as any other essential activities needed for living.

I am but a mere fellow writer who wants to help other writers into becoming better. What I gave you are not criticisms but rather points to ponder upon (or friendly advice if you may).I hope this helps. You can do it. Keep it up! :D *pats your head*
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