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for The Winding Path

6/14/2012 c1 12ahorizonforthenewbirds
I really like it. I love the imagery you use in this, as well as the lines "The sun always at my back." and "Rain pours and burns my skin". You've managed to use beautiful descriptions to create a vivid image in my mind I love the poem. The theme is nice, too, but overall, I think the best part is your descriptive sense. I love the way the narrator is looking backwards at the beginning and forward near the end, it's a really cool effect, whether intentional or not. I don't know about anything to change, except the form, I think it would be nicer were it divided into different stanzas, but a) that's just my preference and b) I don't know if you tried and fictionpress messed it up haha. Another excellent poem, good job :)
6/14/2012 c1 76The Autumn Queen
I loved your ending. And the line "Moving forward step by step,". It showed a deeper meaning to the image you've build up, almost humanitarian. Perseverance, trials and tribulations, all that stuff. I wasn't too happy with your beginning though; it was somewhat flat compared to the rest of your writing, both in terms of the way you've written it and the imagery it portrays. It's not really inviting me to read on, you know?

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