2/7/2014 c6 Guest
Love this wens the next chapter plz?
Love this wens the next chapter plz?
6/28/2013 c6 jerrellsgirl112606
Hey i love this i would really love to read more. Please update soon.
Hey i love this i would really love to read more. Please update soon.
6/13/2012 c6 Ihnldy
Just finished your story Chasing the Moon and excited to see where this one goes. I like Eli's character so far; independent, arrogant, controlling, dominant. Please don't turn him into a goofy sweety-pie! I've read too many stories that start out with a strong character, only to have that character turn to mushy idiot. Character develpment is a big deal to me. Develop the characters, don't change them.
You're a good writer. I can actually read without being distracted by incorrect usage or awkward wording. Work on keeping the story in the correct point of view, you tend to switch from first person to third person in the same sentence. I know it's easier for a lot of people to write in the first person because it's easier to get inside the character's head, but you can do the same thing in third person using internal dialogue. And since you have to do that with the other characters anyway, and the main character is the only one told in first person, it makes it obvious that that character is YOU. Consider writing in the first person, then changing to third. Or think in the first person, but write in third.
Just finished your story Chasing the Moon and excited to see where this one goes. I like Eli's character so far; independent, arrogant, controlling, dominant. Please don't turn him into a goofy sweety-pie! I've read too many stories that start out with a strong character, only to have that character turn to mushy idiot. Character develpment is a big deal to me. Develop the characters, don't change them.
You're a good writer. I can actually read without being distracted by incorrect usage or awkward wording. Work on keeping the story in the correct point of view, you tend to switch from first person to third person in the same sentence. I know it's easier for a lot of people to write in the first person because it's easier to get inside the character's head, but you can do the same thing in third person using internal dialogue. And since you have to do that with the other characters anyway, and the main character is the only one told in first person, it makes it obvious that that character is YOU. Consider writing in the first person, then changing to third. Or think in the first person, but write in third.
2/19/2012 c6 2KoriNeko18
This was cool! I liked it and I like Eli's uncertainty. :)
Vera is definitely not my favorite type of character, but she's great when interacting with Eli! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
This was cool! I liked it and I like Eli's uncertainty. :)
Vera is definitely not my favorite type of character, but she's great when interacting with Eli! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
2/19/2012 c6 3Melody'sInMyHead
This is really interesting! I would love a bit more action with Eli and Vera! ;)
This is really interesting! I would love a bit more action with Eli and Vera! ;)
2/4/2012 c5 2KoriNeko18
Cute. :)
I still don't like Vera very much. (Whoa that was weird to type.) She's not the type of character I like...
I do like this chapter, it was cool, even just as a filler!
I'm looking forward to future chapters.
Cute. :)
I still don't like Vera very much. (Whoa that was weird to type.) She's not the type of character I like...
I do like this chapter, it was cool, even just as a filler!
I'm looking forward to future chapters.
1/22/2012 c4 3Melody'sInMyHead
Wow! I loved your other one, following the moon is it? Might have got the name wrong... Anyway! I love this already! I have attached to Vera and wish that Eli could just use Coal's or Anthony's technique!
Wow! I loved your other one, following the moon is it? Might have got the name wrong... Anyway! I love this already! I have attached to Vera and wish that Eli could just use Coal's or Anthony's technique!
1/18/2012 c4 devs
Oh lord. Eli is an idiot! And I mean that in the nicest way possible haha. I can't wait to see how this develops. He must have some extremely redeeming qualities to get Vera to see past his shenanigans eventually. :)
Oh lord. Eli is an idiot! And I mean that in the nicest way possible haha. I can't wait to see how this develops. He must have some extremely redeeming qualities to get Vera to see past his shenanigans eventually. :)
1/17/2012 c4 8Francine Brown
I think Eli is wooing her wrong xD loving it already. Cannot wait for more :)
I think Eli is wooing her wrong xD loving it already. Cannot wait for more :)