for Prejudices Lying10/22/2012 c1 
62YFIQ
Somewhat interesting but it is rather creepy.
Guess something's going on in this town and something needs to be done to stop it. The screaming part was kind of funny though, but that's probably because of...well.
62YFIQSomewhat interesting but it is rather creepy.
Guess something's going on in this town and something needs to be done to stop it. The screaming part was kind of funny though, but that's probably because of...well.
7/22/2012 c13 4Solomon Sia
Warning spoiler ALERT:
WELL. That was terrible and teasing of S. It's impossible to figure out about the 'resting' part without knowledge that the Auraelise clocked the same footprint once every hour. Once that was figured out, I could think: "No it can't be. Oh yes but then it must be!" and then bang! Basic premise of the story is overturned, and we have our murderer! Onward to catch the poloevinae stvorenjie!
I'm thinking that D. Valerie must also be a type of stvorenjie, considering how fast she heals and moves. Milleau and S. were obvious singled out to be too cool to be social, of course this means they are key members of the group.
Deeply enjoyed this so far, the variety of interrogation styles kept the story going, and looks like we're going to end this in a rush.
Awesome.
4Solomon SiaWarning spoiler ALERT:
WELL. That was terrible and teasing of S. It's impossible to figure out about the 'resting' part without knowledge that the Auraelise clocked the same footprint once every hour. Once that was figured out, I could think: "No it can't be. Oh yes but then it must be!" and then bang! Basic premise of the story is overturned, and we have our murderer! Onward to catch the poloevinae stvorenjie!
I'm thinking that D. Valerie must also be a type of stvorenjie, considering how fast she heals and moves. Milleau and S. were obvious singled out to be too cool to be social, of course this means they are key members of the group.
Deeply enjoyed this so far, the variety of interrogation styles kept the story going, and looks like we're going to end this in a rush.
Awesome.
7/16/2012 c3 Solomon Sia
Argh my review got eaten. Here's another.
I enjoyed your portrayal of the town, especially the sense of beauty from harmony, since everything blends so well with each other and the surrounding landscape. Too bad it's the scene of such ghastly murders.
I was somewhat surprised to learn that the tall, well-dressed man with the skilled, elegant voice was after all Sir Erza Khayan. I felt that since he is a known character, he might be better of introduced by his name, but I appreciate the fact that he is being seen from the Group's perspective.
I like how you add a special meaning to the fragment travellers, this highlights the group as a bunch of special individuals. however, I'd like to know more about the Group's composition, specifically, how many there are. Good to see that their detective skills are perfect for this case, though!
You drew attention to the softly accented voice, and yes it's S. doing the talking. So I'm looking forward to learning more about him, since he sticks out like a sore thumb with an initial for a name.
I found the description of death slightly uneasy, with the combination of savage and experts. Well...I'm also starting to draw up some suspects for the murder!
Argh my review got eaten. Here's another.
I enjoyed your portrayal of the town, especially the sense of beauty from harmony, since everything blends so well with each other and the surrounding landscape. Too bad it's the scene of such ghastly murders.
I was somewhat surprised to learn that the tall, well-dressed man with the skilled, elegant voice was after all Sir Erza Khayan. I felt that since he is a known character, he might be better of introduced by his name, but I appreciate the fact that he is being seen from the Group's perspective.
I like how you add a special meaning to the fragment travellers, this highlights the group as a bunch of special individuals. however, I'd like to know more about the Group's composition, specifically, how many there are. Good to see that their detective skills are perfect for this case, though!
You drew attention to the softly accented voice, and yes it's S. doing the talking. So I'm looking forward to learning more about him, since he sticks out like a sore thumb with an initial for a name.
I found the description of death slightly uneasy, with the combination of savage and experts. Well...I'm also starting to draw up some suspects for the murder!
7/16/2012 c2 Solomon Sia
Yes, Rowan is naturally intriguing, considering he died at the age of thirteen yet is still walking around. It's an interesting first look at the groupp, from an insider/outsider's perspective.
Hurray for Dmitriv, he's here already! Although I'd like some more description about him, I'm happy to wait as the story flows.
The thing I like most about this story is the description of the town, because it's just so beautiful and idyllic, the choice of words was well done to demonstrate its harmony with nature. Too bad it's the source of such chaos!
Interesting foreshadowing of the big big bad guy. I would have waited until this short scene was over before introducing him, though!
Yes, Rowan is naturally intriguing, considering he died at the age of thirteen yet is still walking around. It's an interesting first look at the groupp, from an insider/outsider's perspective.
Hurray for Dmitriv, he's here already! Although I'd like some more description about him, I'm happy to wait as the story flows.
The thing I like most about this story is the description of the town, because it's just so beautiful and idyllic, the choice of words was well done to demonstrate its harmony with nature. Too bad it's the source of such chaos!
Interesting foreshadowing of the big big bad guy. I would have waited until this short scene was over before introducing him, though!
7/16/2012 c1 Solomon Sia
I feel that Khayan is not going to be a main character, but I like the weight of responsibility on his shoulders The descriptive scene is a good way to open up this story.
Reading this, I gain an appreciation for how you've developed as a writer. This start is more naked wrt. expression and action, which isn't bad, considering you usually want to cut to the chase!
Lasuna is right. "Ah!" is a very sexual scream. Perhaps try something more horrifying?
Several minor errors
Bug fixes:
The moon shone brightly in the night sky.
Reputation for being calm and collected
It's tough to get ambushed by a wild error at the start of the story!
beware the phrase killings of domestic animals!
killings of domestic animals - domenstic animals are performing killings!.
killing of domestic animals - domestic animals are being killed
An uproar had naturally ensued
I feel that Khayan is not going to be a main character, but I like the weight of responsibility on his shoulders The descriptive scene is a good way to open up this story.
Reading this, I gain an appreciation for how you've developed as a writer. This start is more naked wrt. expression and action, which isn't bad, considering you usually want to cut to the chase!
Lasuna is right. "Ah!" is a very sexual scream. Perhaps try something more horrifying?
Several minor errors
Bug fixes:
The moon shone brightly in the night sky.
Reputation for being calm and collected
It's tough to get ambushed by a wild error at the start of the story!
beware the phrase killings of domestic animals!
killings of domestic animals - domenstic animals are performing killings!.
killing of domestic animals - domestic animals are being killed
An uproar had naturally ensued
4/21/2012 c16 1NataFirefly
The endong was pretty good! I will definitely read 'A Cry for Trust' at some point soon.
1NataFireflyThe endong was pretty good! I will definitely read 'A Cry for Trust' at some point soon.
4/21/2012 c15 NataFirefly
I was like "Millieu's a chick'? Okay...I can't believe Yuriy killed Kelki! That scene was so scary! Anyone ever tell you that when they read your writing their heart pounds? Well, it does. And what did Yuriy mean by 'ninety-five'? Did he kill ninety-five people? Whoa!
I was like "Millieu's a chick'? Okay...I can't believe Yuriy killed Kelki! That scene was so scary! Anyone ever tell you that when they read your writing their heart pounds? Well, it does. And what did Yuriy mean by 'ninety-five'? Did he kill ninety-five people? Whoa!
4/21/2012 c13 NataFirefly
I guessed it was Khayan in the first chapter. Then I forgot, because I'm an idiot. I bet Khayan isn't really evil. Is he?
I guessed it was Khayan in the first chapter. Then I forgot, because I'm an idiot. I bet Khayan isn't really evil. Is he?
4/21/2012 c10 NataFirefly
You actually execute fight scenes very well. I'm really happy with this story so far- maybe I can convince my english teacher to assign this as opposed to terrible books like April Morning. I wonder if the monster is a werewolf.
You actually execute fight scenes very well. I'm really happy with this story so far- maybe I can convince my english teacher to assign this as opposed to terrible books like April Morning. I wonder if the monster is a werewolf.
4/1/2012 c3 NataFirefly
This is amazing so far! You are now my favorite author! I'll read more later!
This is amazing so far! You are now my favorite author! I'll read more later!
3/24/2012 c16 1mingsquared
Just finished reading this story. I must say I'm impressed, the writing was excellent and so was the plot. And you didn't lack character development either, especially considering how many POV characters there were. Thanks for the excellent read, I will start on your other story as soon as possible.
1mingsquaredJust finished reading this story. I must say I'm impressed, the writing was excellent and so was the plot. And you didn't lack character development either, especially considering how many POV characters there were. Thanks for the excellent read, I will start on your other story as soon as possible.
3/22/2012 c2 6Michodell
Interesting chapter. It made me curious as to who the Group is.
Now for the CC: I would refrain from using exclamation points too often. It makes it seem a bit unprofessional and you could instead describe that he is shouting or speaking loudly.
Also, I'm sure you would have found this error earlier, but I thought I'd point it out to you.
[I presume we'll go down to that town down at that hill]. This bit from a piece of dialogue just sounds a bit repetitive. I would try something like "I presume we'll go to the town at the bottom of the hill"
Nice story so far :)
6MichodellInteresting chapter. It made me curious as to who the Group is.
Now for the CC: I would refrain from using exclamation points too often. It makes it seem a bit unprofessional and you could instead describe that he is shouting or speaking loudly.
Also, I'm sure you would have found this error earlier, but I thought I'd point it out to you.
[I presume we'll go down to that town down at that hill]. This bit from a piece of dialogue just sounds a bit repetitive. I would try something like "I presume we'll go to the town at the bottom of the hill"
Nice story so far :)
3/22/2012 c1 Michodell
What an awesome prologue!
It actually had me a bit scared as he walked through the house checking everything. Well done!
Just a few pieces of CC:
When he hears the screams, after a couple "Ah!", I would simply get rid of that bit of dialogue and just include it in the narrative. "The scream resounded ceaselessly as he ran.." or something like that.
And this [Somehow, it had been able to penetrate past the dark, storm clouds] As the narrator, I think you should always be certain as to what and why things are happening in your world. So instead of "Somehow, it had been able to penetrate" I would write "The moonlight penetrated past the dark storm clouds..."
Great chapter otherwise :) It really grabbed my attention
What an awesome prologue!
It actually had me a bit scared as he walked through the house checking everything. Well done!
Just a few pieces of CC:
When he hears the screams, after a couple "Ah!", I would simply get rid of that bit of dialogue and just include it in the narrative. "The scream resounded ceaselessly as he ran.." or something like that.
And this [Somehow, it had been able to penetrate past the dark, storm clouds] As the narrator, I think you should always be certain as to what and why things are happening in your world. So instead of "Somehow, it had been able to penetrate" I would write "The moonlight penetrated past the dark storm clouds..."
Great chapter otherwise :) It really grabbed my attention
3/12/2012 c16 3Lasura
Hello again :)
last chapter and I really enjoyed it all, i especially like chapter 16, how you ended it all with the group's member reflections. a really good, personal touch.
i am extremely confused about Millieu, when how and why did he become a woman? o.O am i confusing something? cuz if that actually happened i think that one needs some explanation xD
another thing is that i cannot see how they had like 5 mins in chapter 15 before the warewolf got to them, i was left having to assume the bullets or the spell slowed her down. well the long speeches certaily made me sit at the edge of my seat going: "stop talking! ur all gonna dieee!" but i think it beggs a bit of explanation since theres no way a man could outrun a half wolf thing xD
other than that i loved it! brilliant :)
cannot wait to find out more about the group,
lasura
3LasuraHello again :)
last chapter and I really enjoyed it all, i especially like chapter 16, how you ended it all with the group's member reflections. a really good, personal touch.
i am extremely confused about Millieu, when how and why did he become a woman? o.O am i confusing something? cuz if that actually happened i think that one needs some explanation xD
another thing is that i cannot see how they had like 5 mins in chapter 15 before the warewolf got to them, i was left having to assume the bullets or the spell slowed her down. well the long speeches certaily made me sit at the edge of my seat going: "stop talking! ur all gonna dieee!" but i think it beggs a bit of explanation since theres no way a man could outrun a half wolf thing xD
other than that i loved it! brilliant :)
cannot wait to find out more about the group,
lasura