for Firepower5/27/2014 c7 Wendy Thompson135th
A nice change on the standard discovery story. The characters are individual and coherent. -I'm not saying they're realistic, just that they're well-depicted and consistent.
The style is readable and the skills, good; it's a pleasure to read something as well presented as this is.
I felt that only after reaching the 7th chapter was there enough story to comment on; but, then, I like long chapters.
A nice change on the standard discovery story. The characters are individual and coherent. -I'm not saying they're realistic, just that they're well-depicted and consistent.
The style is readable and the skills, good; it's a pleasure to read something as well presented as this is.
I felt that only after reaching the 7th chapter was there enough story to comment on; but, then, I like long chapters.
8/21/2013 c27 
2fang foxblood
That's a very... angled perspective to add to the story: the ability that people have evil in their hearts but hold it in cause they know that it is wrong, that part got me the most. Good Job.
2fang foxbloodThat's a very... angled perspective to add to the story: the ability that people have evil in their hearts but hold it in cause they know that it is wrong, that part got me the most. Good Job.
7/23/2013 c26 fang foxblood
The plot thickens! *dun dun duuuuuuuunnn* anyway, really good chapter, this one. I like how it explains all the different abilites that do with firepower. I also like how Jake's power is increasing... the problem is this: at this rate, Jake's screwed. But i also cant wait to see how the meeting with his parents is gonna work out. Great job as usual, keep it up.
The plot thickens! *dun dun duuuuuuuunnn* anyway, really good chapter, this one. I like how it explains all the different abilites that do with firepower. I also like how Jake's power is increasing... the problem is this: at this rate, Jake's screwed. But i also cant wait to see how the meeting with his parents is gonna work out. Great job as usual, keep it up.
7/19/2013 c25 fang foxblood
He's gonna attract A LOT of attention being all famous like that. Oh, and nice job making that teacher look arrogant, kinda reminds me of my teachers. Good work, this chapter really made me think of TMH, maybe i should start revising and editing it again, breathe some life into it y'know? Keep it up, can't wait to see whats next. Again, good job.
He's gonna attract A LOT of attention being all famous like that. Oh, and nice job making that teacher look arrogant, kinda reminds me of my teachers. Good work, this chapter really made me think of TMH, maybe i should start revising and editing it again, breathe some life into it y'know? Keep it up, can't wait to see whats next. Again, good job.
7/12/2013 c23 1Alex The Dragon
pretty awesome ending of the chapter with tree. I like the martial arts explanation that Jake gives. I hope that in the further we will see an specific reason why Charlie doesn't want to fight like something that happened in the past or something like that
1Alex The Dragonpretty awesome ending of the chapter with tree. I like the martial arts explanation that Jake gives. I hope that in the further we will see an specific reason why Charlie doesn't want to fight like something that happened in the past or something like that
7/12/2013 c24 Alex The Dragon
I like the intro of this chapter and the setting is really good, i like how you put not one but two things to let the reader wonder about. Why everybody likes Charlie so much and to what class he is going that way you make the reader to follow the story more carefully. And your dialog is getting better :D
I like the intro of this chapter and the setting is really good, i like how you put not one but two things to let the reader wonder about. Why everybody likes Charlie so much and to what class he is going that way you make the reader to follow the story more carefully. And your dialog is getting better :D
7/4/2013 c1 Alex The Dragon
the first chapter gives a promise of what's gonna happen in the future and that way you will read farther into the story than usual.
the first chapter gives a promise of what's gonna happen in the future and that way you will read farther into the story than usual.
6/18/2013 c1 1MistressLiv
Oooh... a short chapter but as a prologue, very intriguing! Honestly, the only advice I can give is look into the length of your sentences in the first few paragraphs, they're a bit short and read that way... whacking in a semicolon might make it a little smoother...
Aside from that, liking the imagery, and it definitely gave me more than enough of a taste to keep going :)
1MistressLivOooh... a short chapter but as a prologue, very intriguing! Honestly, the only advice I can give is look into the length of your sentences in the first few paragraphs, they're a bit short and read that way... whacking in a semicolon might make it a little smoother...
Aside from that, liking the imagery, and it definitely gave me more than enough of a taste to keep going :)
6/4/2013 c8 6Hunter of the Wicked
Interesting Charlie has another personality and that is what gave him his power.
6Hunter of the WickedInteresting Charlie has another personality and that is what gave him his power.
5/22/2013 c6 Hunter of the Wicked
Great job the premise is great and you know how to make a long fight scene.
Great job the premise is great and you know how to make a long fight scene.
3/29/2013 c23 2fang foxblood
Saw the last paragraph and i nearly fell out of my seat... great job buddy, keep it going.
2fang foxbloodSaw the last paragraph and i nearly fell out of my seat... great job buddy, keep it going.
3/15/2013 c22 fang foxblood
Now we're getting busy! Good job. Only 1 spelling mistake, but i wont bother you about it. We're making some major progress here, and Jake seems to be getting the hang of using his physical abilities and firepower as a mix. Keep on going, and i await to see more. Again, good job.
Now we're getting busy! Good job. Only 1 spelling mistake, but i wont bother you about it. We're making some major progress here, and Jake seems to be getting the hang of using his physical abilities and firepower as a mix. Keep on going, and i await to see more. Again, good job.
3/12/2013 c21 fang foxblood
Uhh... wow that was in depth... amazing back story. This is the first time you ever described what really went on when Charlie was captured. The government hiring this guy? that issue is still a little iffy in my head, but everything else is great. 1 spelling mistake... or at least i think it was a mistake, nothing major but at the beginning you said That's why he's able to take the way you heard at such a young age. i think you meant talk... unless you really meant take which also makes my thinking iffy. but dont let my inner critic get you down, this was amazing and i look forward to seeing more! Incoryable, vraiment incroyable! Amazing, truly amazing!
Uhh... wow that was in depth... amazing back story. This is the first time you ever described what really went on when Charlie was captured. The government hiring this guy? that issue is still a little iffy in my head, but everything else is great. 1 spelling mistake... or at least i think it was a mistake, nothing major but at the beginning you said That's why he's able to take the way you heard at such a young age. i think you meant talk... unless you really meant take which also makes my thinking iffy. but dont let my inner critic get you down, this was amazing and i look forward to seeing more! Incoryable, vraiment incroyable! Amazing, truly amazing!
3/11/2013 c20 fang foxblood
Bravado Sir! The plot thickens. Its about time you got out with another chapter, and let me tell you, this isn't half bad. We finally get a back story on Gabriel, although, not a really long one, and now Jake and Charlie know what they need to do. They just need to figure out how to do it. Great Job all around, and keep up the good work. Looking forward to more!
Bravado Sir! The plot thickens. Its about time you got out with another chapter, and let me tell you, this isn't half bad. We finally get a back story on Gabriel, although, not a really long one, and now Jake and Charlie know what they need to do. They just need to figure out how to do it. Great Job all around, and keep up the good work. Looking forward to more!