3/11/2012 c12 2fang foxblood
i wonder whats gonna happen next.

3/7/2012 c11 1Critically Endangered
I'm happy to come back and find more of the story for me to read :) It's progressing very nicely.

I find the tone of the piece overall to be very hopeful and optimistic, which had a bit of dissonance with Charlie's story about his parents and the other kids. It's not necessarily a /problem/, just something I found interesting.

I don't know if you play Mass Effect, but Charlie's story reminds me a lot of Jack in the second game and how they had a facility testing on children with biotic abilities. I like it especially because Charlie is such a contrast to her, unable to fight while she enjoyed nothing but being in the ring. This fact about Charlie also adds to the overall tone of optimism and provides a very interesting counterpoint to all the tragedy that's been happening. I am very excited to see how you develop this further.

1/21/2012 c9 3SweetPeatheWingedSinger16
I liked this chapter! Great job, Whitefire3627! I like the fact that you added another facet of the Firepower in this chapter... Skillfully done.

Update soon... However soon that may be.

1/20/2012 c9 2Vampdragon
jakes acting as if Firepower is a new toy... i love it! but as for the place with water... I'm guessing lake in an isolated valley with only one or two entrances... but still this is turning out nicely... can't wait for the training

1/19/2012 c1 3mtorchic
That's really good! The writing is so detailed I can picture the scene perfectly in my head. You opened the story nicely. I can never figure out how to start. Can't wait to look at the next chapter!

1/18/2012 c1 3Strawhatfan10
Hey Whitefire thanks for reviewing my story School Wars I like your story when I read chapter one I was really instrested in the story it made me want to read more. P.S. I uploaded chapter 3 of School Wars tell me what you think.

1/16/2012 c1 yetanotherauthortobe
Overall, this isn't a bad first chapter. I was confused at first because I assumed the unnamed boy was the main character and when I read the part about Jake, I wasn't sure if he was the skinny boy or simply a bystander. The pronouns make it a bit confusing by having the unnamed boy fighting a bunch of other men, so the multiple forms of "he" made it difficult to follow at first. Fight scenes by themselves are very difficult to write (in my opinion), and ultimately I think you did quite nicely. I would've liked to know how old Jake is in this part, but there are more chapters and I'm betting I'll find out very soon. Good job! :)