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1/23/2012 c1 24Amethystars
Love it! The imagery and emotion were right at the forefront of this vignette. I could feel her fear, and just see the man emerging from the mist, freaking her out without realizing it. I don't often visualize as I read, but this kept me seeing all the way through.
1/12/2012 c1 21Sercus Kaynine
Ah, a different kind of ghost than we're used to, I see. I liked the build up of tension, and how you didn't know the truth about the "ghosts" until late in the game.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
1/9/2012 c1 16Dragon made me do it
I think you have really captured the essence of the prompt here, but still shaped it to your own unique style.

I am liking this misty veil business. a great visual and connects to the prompt. you are also getting very creative with your metaphors (in a good way), for example: 'Ahead, one of the tall streetlights flickered uncertainly, humming loudly in protest as it fought back against the invading darkness.' you have really given depth of character to inanimate objects in this kind of description, while some stories struggles to give it even to human characters.

just one thing - 'menacing faces ...the faces she always hoped to escape ... handsome faces' - I thought the third 'faces' was not quite appropriate for the context because it makes it look like you are saying she remembered the faces, and saying 'their handsome faces' as if the faces were a component of the faces (rather than of the creatures as a whole)

Another great story from you :-)
1/7/2012 c1 58Inkspilled
Oh, what severe subject matter for this. I think you wrote it very well, mixing imagery and events with memories and her own consuming fears. Such a short, quick moment, but very well handled. It's well narrated with so few words. Nice work! :)

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