for Revenge7/9/2012 c3 
2Whitefire19
Nice and actiony, just the way I like it. I especially enjoyed that bit at the end where you explained Bria and added a lot of suspense about the UnderWorld and what's gonna happen next. The way you described the scenery was great too, short, sweet and not taking up any unneeded space. I wonder though, if you're going to explain this special asylum, that takes in people with superpowers and has armed guards instead of orderlies.
2Whitefire19Nice and actiony, just the way I like it. I especially enjoyed that bit at the end where you explained Bria and added a lot of suspense about the UnderWorld and what's gonna happen next. The way you described the scenery was great too, short, sweet and not taking up any unneeded space. I wonder though, if you're going to explain this special asylum, that takes in people with superpowers and has armed guards instead of orderlies.
1/21/2012 c3 12TheShadow666
Ooooohh this story is really kewl and I really wanna keep reading itso if your continuing this then I hope you update soon!
12TheShadow666Ooooohh this story is really kewl and I really wanna keep reading itso if your continuing this then I hope you update soon!
1/20/2012 c2 3mtorchic
Wow! This is AMAZING! You should get this published! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
-mtorchic
3mtorchicWow! This is AMAZING! You should get this published! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
-mtorchic
1/15/2012 c2 2Whitefire19
That. Was. Masterful. Wow, so well done, there isn't really that much to critique. It's completely realistic and believable except for the wings, which is the key to any good urban fantasy (that's a fantasy in the modern real world). The main character is totally relateable too.
Thank you so much for acknowledging me in the new chapter. That means so much to me and I'm honored. Would it be okay If I asked a friend of mine to add this story to our community? It's plenty good enough.
Did you get the idea to describe the fighting from my story? With the neck chop and roundhouse kick? If so, I'm deeply honored by that too.
I'd like to know a little bit more about the girl's family and why they didn't care about her and despised her. A little more background info on that would make her actions so much more jsutifiable. That is, unless your saving that to explain later.
Do the wings stay on her all the time, or do they only appear when she gets mad? That was a bit unclear?
Also, I'm pretty sure you can't say the f word in a T rated story. The lesbian cell mate was okay I think, but f-boms are for M rated stories. This seems like a T rated story and If I were you I'd just replace that with a bad word that's not that bad. But you could also up the rating if you want.
I know I gave this story a harsh rap befpore, but you've obviously worked really hard and now it's amazing. I'm adding it to my favorites and I can't wait to read more.
2Whitefire19That. Was. Masterful. Wow, so well done, there isn't really that much to critique. It's completely realistic and believable except for the wings, which is the key to any good urban fantasy (that's a fantasy in the modern real world). The main character is totally relateable too.
Thank you so much for acknowledging me in the new chapter. That means so much to me and I'm honored. Would it be okay If I asked a friend of mine to add this story to our community? It's plenty good enough.
Did you get the idea to describe the fighting from my story? With the neck chop and roundhouse kick? If so, I'm deeply honored by that too.
I'd like to know a little bit more about the girl's family and why they didn't care about her and despised her. A little more background info on that would make her actions so much more jsutifiable. That is, unless your saving that to explain later.
Do the wings stay on her all the time, or do they only appear when she gets mad? That was a bit unclear?
Also, I'm pretty sure you can't say the f word in a T rated story. The lesbian cell mate was okay I think, but f-boms are for M rated stories. This seems like a T rated story and If I were you I'd just replace that with a bad word that's not that bad. But you could also up the rating if you want.
I know I gave this story a harsh rap befpore, but you've obviously worked really hard and now it's amazing. I'm adding it to my favorites and I can't wait to read more.
1/10/2012 c1 WitchMae135
whoa. that was amazing. you're going to write more, right? this is the first story I've read on this site and i'm in love! great job!
whoa. that was amazing. you're going to write more, right? this is the first story I've read on this site and i'm in love! great job!
1/10/2012 c1 Whitefire19
I see what you're trying to do here, but honestly, this chapter does not appeal to me or make me want to read more. You wrote nine lines. I'm gonna need a little more information than this to be interested. why is there? Why won't he speak? You can't have suspense without enough info to get the reader hooked.
Say, would you please review my story, Firepower? I haven't had a single review yet and I really want to know what people think.
I see what you're trying to do here, but honestly, this chapter does not appeal to me or make me want to read more. You wrote nine lines. I'm gonna need a little more information than this to be interested. why is there? Why won't he speak? You can't have suspense without enough info to get the reader hooked.
Say, would you please review my story, Firepower? I haven't had a single review yet and I really want to know what people think.