for Broken2/12/2012 c8 Australia
I really love this story. I've just finished reading the old version and have say this one I think is a lot more well written. I think the old version was kind of rushed exspically at the end felt like you just wanted to finish the story and be done with it, where as now I think that yourve got the basic plot line worked out your actually telling the story a lot better. I find this version a lot easier to follow and read than the pervious one. Keep it up :D
I really love this story. I've just finished reading the old version and have say this one I think is a lot more well written. I think the old version was kind of rushed exspically at the end felt like you just wanted to finish the story and be done with it, where as now I think that yourve got the basic plot line worked out your actually telling the story a lot better. I find this version a lot easier to follow and read than the pervious one. Keep it up :D
2/4/2012 c7 Australia
Love it keep going :D
Love it keep going :D
1/16/2012 c3 Oedipa
Well, damn. I'm actually really glad you mentioned this story in your review, because I love it. The descriptions are spot-on throughout, the story moves along at a great pace, and in general, this is the kind of writing I like to read just to see how you phrase things. And that's not to say that you sacrifice substance for style, either- you handle character very well.
In particular, I like how you've portrayed Blake. I completely buy him both as an abusive boyfriend and as someone who'd manage to lure Kristen out of her comfort zone, because initially, he seems very appealing and she's just insecure enough to be flattered by his attention. Until you moved out of the flashback at the beginning, I just assumed he'd be her love interest, because you make him out to be so attractive to her (I really liked the phrase 'heart-throbbingly low', describing his voice. Awesome.)
The only real suggestion I have is to cut out the descriptions of clothing- this might just be my personal preference, but I think the only one of these descriptions that was really relevant to the story was of the over-formal outfit Kristen wore to Blake's party.
Also, on the nitpick side of things, there's a few points near the end of chapter 1 where "I" isn't capitalized.
Anyway, I'll cut this off here since it's turning into kind of a novel in itself. I could definitely go on about the things that are working here, though. Excellent story.
Well, damn. I'm actually really glad you mentioned this story in your review, because I love it. The descriptions are spot-on throughout, the story moves along at a great pace, and in general, this is the kind of writing I like to read just to see how you phrase things. And that's not to say that you sacrifice substance for style, either- you handle character very well.
In particular, I like how you've portrayed Blake. I completely buy him both as an abusive boyfriend and as someone who'd manage to lure Kristen out of her comfort zone, because initially, he seems very appealing and she's just insecure enough to be flattered by his attention. Until you moved out of the flashback at the beginning, I just assumed he'd be her love interest, because you make him out to be so attractive to her (I really liked the phrase 'heart-throbbingly low', describing his voice. Awesome.)
The only real suggestion I have is to cut out the descriptions of clothing- this might just be my personal preference, but I think the only one of these descriptions that was really relevant to the story was of the over-formal outfit Kristen wore to Blake's party.
Also, on the nitpick side of things, there's a few points near the end of chapter 1 where "I" isn't capitalized.
Anyway, I'll cut this off here since it's turning into kind of a novel in itself. I could definitely go on about the things that are working here, though. Excellent story.