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for Resilience: Blood and Fortitude

3/3/2013 c13 1Englishman22
Firstly, great job! Please keep it up, I love this world you've created, it is...awesometacular. I can't think on anything negative about this other then what can be edited out easily. I reckon if you could increase the length of it(I know, I know, it's difficult for a writer to keep on writing) but nonetheless thank you for another...ya get the point :)
2/25/2013 c12 Englishman22
I found this chapter an interesting opening to...yea I got nothing to say :(
1/22/2013 c11 Englishman22
Excellent chapter. Effective use of suspense and humour to lure the reader in...to a cliffhanger. I didn't really want it to end. Poor Syphilis- sorry Silthis being cruely mcoked by everyone. This is very good, I can't pick out anything bad :(.
11/24/2012 c1 1Insane Art Girl
This is so good *looks down* could you read my stories?

11/14/2012 c1 1Dick Thomas
First of all, your poetry has brought me here to read your fiction. I read some fantasy, and am currently working my way through George RR Martin's Storm of Swords. I've looked at about a dozen stories here on Fiction Press, and yours is the first one I've cared enough about to comment on, so that says something for your writing in my opinion.

In the first chapter, I see you have a few grammatical errors. At one point you write "

In the fourth paragraph, next-to-last line, you use "it's" when "its" is called for.

The General's speech was very well executed, IMO.

In the seventh paragraph, you write "There was a few moments" when it should have been "There were a few moments"

You have a tendency to use some trite phrases such as "the sickening crunch" and "he felt the adrenaline pumping through his veins" (Would people of this era even have any concept of "adrenaline"?).

But the action is very well written. I had no trouble visualizing what you were describing. It was not in the least bit confusing. I'd like to see a stronger end to the chapter, though to make the reader want to see what's going to happen next. Very good work, and I'll review more of it as I get the time.
11/3/2012 c10 Link Roc
I liked how you split apart the forces from different nations based on their abilities and disadvantages in the battlefield. Really creates a sense of diversity and a need to help one another out in some way. I'm sure training would help as well, but once one knows what his troops can do and cannot do, cogs will start to move!

I get the feeling that Urchin and the boat trips gonna be really interesting. I can just imagine what can happen on the open water with a guy that can't really be trusted.

And to fall asleep with the image of a severed head instead of a beautiful woman -shakes head- Rough, but that is the horror of war, I suppose.
11/3/2012 c9 Link Roc
Haha! -claps- YES! We've seen battles, we've seen spearmen, swordsman, horsemen, men-getting-kicked-in-the-groin, but now we're finally seeing some mages! Fantastic, when it comes to fantasy, I love both the blade and the magic for a sword and sorcery saga. This is gonna be REALLY interesting, I can tell. Loved how you described them and the King, not to mention having that old fart in the audience. He made me chuckle just by giving me a mental image of him complaining, then for no reason, fall over and break his hip.

I can't wait to see the hopeful allies. I can't help but imagine that they're the equivalent of an african kingdom or something from your world. I could be SERIOUSLY wrong in this assumption, but hey, we'll see, won't we?
11/3/2012 c7 Link Roc
Oh man, I was so rooting for Necro and his guys after the first group was taken out! Thus is the way of war, I suppose, can be good one time, then slaughter the next. Well, at least he went out bravely, fighting for homeland and loved ones. My respects to you, Necro, you old badass.

Also, a fair amount of groin strikes in this one XD Everytime I read a part like that, I swear I could feel the others pain XD
11/3/2012 c6 Link Roc
A military promotion AND an escape plan in the SAME chapter? I'm SHOCKED! Hehe, in all seriousness, I enjoyed this! I like the fight scenes as much as the next fantasy lover, but I'm glad to read about some other business about civilians. I mean, sure, we can see soldiers talk between battles, leaders discuss plans and all, but it's really nice to see what's going on with those who can't fight in wars. I mean, they are the ones that warriors fight for, whether it be dominance or salvation. I can't wait to see how the plan goes!

Obsidian swords, eh? -rubs chin- So, I'm not the only one who used that idea -grins-
11/3/2012 c5 Link Roc
Wow, great battle! I can see more strategic uses here XD I love how in fantasy, people have not just interesting names, but interestingly LONG names! Ever see the new Conan the Barbarian movie that was made recently? When that one guy gave his full name, it reminded me of a scene in that movie, hehe. But I really enjoyed the chapter and I've seen a few interesting people in here, particularly the rapier warrior and the Shadow guy.

Also, love the burn about breeding with horses XD
10/28/2012 c4 Link Roc
I'm rather impressed with the military strategy thought process here. I admit, I don't read or write much of the same type of thing in stories (I DO, but not constantly, is what I mean to say), but I had a pretty clear mental image of the meeting and their plan itself. I gotta ask, you study any military tactics before writing this chapter, or what, Inky? Hehe.
10/22/2012 c9 1Englishman22
I'll be critical for once: First and foremost there was a large amount of common English mistakes(They can be edited out easily though so don't worry.) Secondly the introduction of a whole new order took me by a bit of shock-perhaps you could've hinted at them before? Still very good and creative though, I would appreciate it if you would expand on the concept of magic a bit as i'm lost: Fake magic which is only to fool people or is it actually real? Other than the above i loved it. I finally understand lol.
10/9/2012 c1 686Jave Harron
Okay, the detail in this first chapter is fairly well done. However, there's very little in the ways of metaphors. Those would definitely help make the battle more graphic and brutal. Reading this, I'm reminded of Glen Cook's Black Company, and I recommend you check those books out if you're interested in military style fantasy. There's little in the way of politics covered here, although your point of view character's a grunt, so he probably doesn't have such knowledge on the topic. As far as the strategist goes, however, we're only told of his abilities and not shown much. I hope we see more actual strategy from him in coming chapters.
10/5/2012 c3 Link Roc
A nice little detour to show a glimpse into the enemy's mindset as well as a few powerful figures in the army. I can only predict what's gonna happen to his followers!
10/3/2012 c2 Link Roc
For the most part, Inky, this is a good backstory chapter on Darrom on where he came from and how he got into the army, and I liked the change. I personally expected the second chapter to immediately follow the first and have him shown recovering from the battle with the wounded dead or dying.

The only problem I see is that a number of sentences suddenly cut off and begin anew right below. These are some examples.

Darrom grasped Josué's hand, and led her outside where a cook's assistant who could

play the lute was doing so excellently. They began dancing, and did not stop for nigh

on an hour, then Josuéled Darrom away to a quiet barn, and they lay and talked for hours. A one point, Darrom sat up and looked Josuéstraight in the eye and said

"Don't wait for me if things go wrong at Fortocus, don't wait. You are too lovely to spend your life waiting on a false hope. If the battle is lost, don't wait, my dear." At this, Josué trembled with a controlled sob, then shook as she began weeping. Darrom wrapped his arms around her, and there they slept, in silent embrace.

I would just say that you look over these chapters and keep an eye out for sentences like these, that way you can fix them and make it flow better instead of just having it look like it's been chopped about. But, other than that, I am enjoying this story!
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