for Tonight Let's Be Lovers4/21/2013 c1 Taint.Revile.Elude
The situation, the characters, the mention of San Francisco and a Holiday Inn! Grand job, really. It was such a real moment, it felt like being an invisible intruder in a room inhabited by true friends, as opposed to reading about them.
That said, I hate cheaters and a voice in my head is saying these two must suffer. If never a follow-up is written, I shall simply choose to believe those "changes" were unplanned parenthood, divorce and shame so potent it keeps these two separate for at least five years.
:-D
The situation, the characters, the mention of San Francisco and a Holiday Inn! Grand job, really. It was such a real moment, it felt like being an invisible intruder in a room inhabited by true friends, as opposed to reading about them.
That said, I hate cheaters and a voice in my head is saying these two must suffer. If never a follow-up is written, I shall simply choose to believe those "changes" were unplanned parenthood, divorce and shame so potent it keeps these two separate for at least five years.
:-D
1/28/2012 c1 Torn-n-Frayed
What the hell was in that veggie pizza?
He walked into that room with no expectations, and walked out with none, even though what they did changes everything.
What the hell was in that veggie pizza?
He walked into that room with no expectations, and walked out with none, even though what they did changes everything.
1/28/2012 c1 
4Hellaine
Writing about hotels and love... Hi, are you me? Haha. There's something so dirty about sex in a hotel room and then when you mix in a little real actual emotion, the juxtaposition is lovely. I love these kinds of decadent romance stories, these 'real world' encounters, these written encounters where you don't need to jazz it up to make the reader feel something real.
Also, I dig how you very smoothly added some background information that's not only super relevant but adds some darkness to the story... without creating an info dump anywhere. There's also a pretty nice and subtle amount of tension, what with the amount of words given to them watching television, while we the reader wait for the climax (literally and figuratively, eh? huh huh). Not too long and not too short.
Not too much criticism to give except a lot of small words are missing, nothing a quick edit wouldn't fix. I like this and I think it works well as a short piece.
4HellaineWriting about hotels and love... Hi, are you me? Haha. There's something so dirty about sex in a hotel room and then when you mix in a little real actual emotion, the juxtaposition is lovely. I love these kinds of decadent romance stories, these 'real world' encounters, these written encounters where you don't need to jazz it up to make the reader feel something real.
Also, I dig how you very smoothly added some background information that's not only super relevant but adds some darkness to the story... without creating an info dump anywhere. There's also a pretty nice and subtle amount of tension, what with the amount of words given to them watching television, while we the reader wait for the climax (literally and figuratively, eh? huh huh). Not too long and not too short.
Not too much criticism to give except a lot of small words are missing, nothing a quick edit wouldn't fix. I like this and I think it works well as a short piece.