for I am not a wolf1/29/2012 c1 Bri
First off, I really like the concept! It's something that I've never actually seen before, and you executed it very well.
"Another brandishes a glinting cross – the wolf can tell from his eyes what it's made of."
I think this is just a little bit redundant. You could change it to "the wolf can see what it's made of" because it's a bit unnecessarily wordy in my opinion.
I think the sentence length and structure could stand to be a bit more varied as well, since you have a lot of short, choppy sentences.
Other than that, you did an excellent job! And the ending was really amazing. Short, but powerful. Good job!
First off, I really like the concept! It's something that I've never actually seen before, and you executed it very well.
"Another brandishes a glinting cross – the wolf can tell from his eyes what it's made of."
I think this is just a little bit redundant. You could change it to "the wolf can see what it's made of" because it's a bit unnecessarily wordy in my opinion.
I think the sentence length and structure could stand to be a bit more varied as well, since you have a lot of short, choppy sentences.
Other than that, you did an excellent job! And the ending was really amazing. Short, but powerful. Good job!
1/28/2012 c1 
1Z.N. Singer
Impressive. Very powerful, simple prose, and a piece that ultimately comes to great effect while being very short (I am not good at short. As in, I can't even stay short, let alone do it well). It was very effectively told.
1Z.N. SingerImpressive. Very powerful, simple prose, and a piece that ultimately comes to great effect while being very short (I am not good at short. As in, I can't even stay short, let alone do it well). It was very effectively told.
1/28/2012 c1 1Myra Lleans
I love the twist of a wolf being bitten my a were-wolf instead of the other way around. It really caught my eye. It's really a refreshing look on thing. The one thing I'm curious about is his the end? Or does he some how survive the human attack?
1Myra LleansI love the twist of a wolf being bitten my a were-wolf instead of the other way around. It really caught my eye. It's really a refreshing look on thing. The one thing I'm curious about is his the end? Or does he some how survive the human attack?
1/28/2012 c1 I Kind of Deleted My Account
This was a nice, short piece. I really liked the unique ideas your presented here, since most of the stuff on FictionPress that I've seen is "high-school-girl-meets-high-school-boy-they-fall-in-love" stories. It's amazing how you conveyed all the information in a few short words.
Also, you didn't have any grammar or punctuation errors that I could pick up, and the vocabulary you used was easy to understand, but creative at the same time.
Now to the constructive part!
1) Sorry, but I'm going to be very picky here. It might have been just me, but the thoughts of the werewolf, shown in italics, were a bit confusing at first. I didn't know that it was the werewolf thinking, and where it says "Ever thought" (in italics) I mistook it for a different wolf thinking. Maybe you could make it more clear by saying "the wolf thinks" once in the beginning.
2) I had a slight problem with your sentence variety, although it may just be your style. You were great with the different lengths and the fragments for effect, but sometimes clauses or phrases at the beginning were needed.
Example 1: I walked away, tears streaming from my eyes. Jake didn't say anything. He just stood there. I felt like running as fast as I could, away from the place, but I couldn't.
-We can make this flow a lot better by doing this:
Example 2: Tears streaming from my eyes, I walked away. Jake didn't say anything. He just stood there, his expression unreadable. Although I felt like running as fast I could, away from the place, I strode away slowly with my head held high.
(This is not a very good example, but I hope it helps)
Of course, not all of the sentences have to have clauses or phrases at the beginning.
Keep up the good work! I enjoyed the story!
This was a nice, short piece. I really liked the unique ideas your presented here, since most of the stuff on FictionPress that I've seen is "high-school-girl-meets-high-school-boy-they-fall-in-love" stories. It's amazing how you conveyed all the information in a few short words.
Also, you didn't have any grammar or punctuation errors that I could pick up, and the vocabulary you used was easy to understand, but creative at the same time.
Now to the constructive part!
1) Sorry, but I'm going to be very picky here. It might have been just me, but the thoughts of the werewolf, shown in italics, were a bit confusing at first. I didn't know that it was the werewolf thinking, and where it says "Ever thought" (in italics) I mistook it for a different wolf thinking. Maybe you could make it more clear by saying "the wolf thinks" once in the beginning.
2) I had a slight problem with your sentence variety, although it may just be your style. You were great with the different lengths and the fragments for effect, but sometimes clauses or phrases at the beginning were needed.
Example 1: I walked away, tears streaming from my eyes. Jake didn't say anything. He just stood there. I felt like running as fast as I could, away from the place, but I couldn't.
-We can make this flow a lot better by doing this:
Example 2: Tears streaming from my eyes, I walked away. Jake didn't say anything. He just stood there, his expression unreadable. Although I felt like running as fast I could, away from the place, I strode away slowly with my head held high.
(This is not a very good example, but I hope it helps)
Of course, not all of the sentences have to have clauses or phrases at the beginning.
Keep up the good work! I enjoyed the story!