for Impossible Possibilities
12/11/2012 c5 True Talker
This was definately different and it was written quite well and it was extremely creative. You have some add in's there that are a bit different however the shows; "The Outer Limits" and "The Twilight Zone" also had some odd add in's - so technically a story can have basically anything in it as long as the story has flow - it flows.
This was most definately is interesting and it appears that you have a head for business not just an extremely creative mind.
This was really very good and creative - quite honestly especially considering the fact that you had come up with things and ideas that I have never even heard of.
Critique; Paragraph 26 down from the top - basically said that "the" people who use the restroom wil jointly... - You have "they" instead of the.
- Paragraph 27 up from the bottom - I remember my first visit to the mountain, I was "a" young boy of twelve..." - You are missing "a" - it should be there in this sentence.
- Paragraph 18 up from the bottom - Some of the poles even "extended" up to almost four thousand feet. - You have extend - proper sentence structure should be - extended.
- Paragraph 8 up from the bottom - I held onto the armrest for dear life "as" it sped up. - You have "the" in this sentence which is not needed.
- Paragraph 5 up from the bottom - quickly getting washed off by the buckets "of" water falling through the now broken glass. - You need "of" in this sentence, your sentence doesn't have it.
- Paragraph 3 up from the bottom - Everything rattled as the ship I was on boosted away "in" the distance, - You need "in" - here and you don't have it here.
Thank you for sharing this story.
This was definately different and it was written quite well and it was extremely creative. You have some add in's there that are a bit different however the shows; "The Outer Limits" and "The Twilight Zone" also had some odd add in's - so technically a story can have basically anything in it as long as the story has flow - it flows.
This was most definately is interesting and it appears that you have a head for business not just an extremely creative mind.
This was really very good and creative - quite honestly especially considering the fact that you had come up with things and ideas that I have never even heard of.
Critique; Paragraph 26 down from the top - basically said that "the" people who use the restroom wil jointly... - You have "they" instead of the.
- Paragraph 27 up from the bottom - I remember my first visit to the mountain, I was "a" young boy of twelve..." - You are missing "a" - it should be there in this sentence.
- Paragraph 18 up from the bottom - Some of the poles even "extended" up to almost four thousand feet. - You have extend - proper sentence structure should be - extended.
- Paragraph 8 up from the bottom - I held onto the armrest for dear life "as" it sped up. - You have "the" in this sentence which is not needed.
- Paragraph 5 up from the bottom - quickly getting washed off by the buckets "of" water falling through the now broken glass. - You need "of" in this sentence, your sentence doesn't have it.
- Paragraph 3 up from the bottom - Everything rattled as the ship I was on boosted away "in" the distance, - You need "in" - here and you don't have it here.
Thank you for sharing this story.
2/6/2012 c1 True Talker
You are very descriptive I want to say almost eerily so - NO this isn't me putting you down this is actually a compliment again WOW! YOU are so amazing at this and it just blows me away. YOU are definately gifted without doubt and without question.
Thank you for sharing this with everyone.
You are very descriptive I want to say almost eerily so - NO this isn't me putting you down this is actually a compliment again WOW! YOU are so amazing at this and it just blows me away. YOU are definately gifted without doubt and without question.
Thank you for sharing this with everyone.
2/1/2012 c4 Trydurum
no, Skeeew oooo!
:) at least he destroyed his arch enemy the beeping machine trying to keep him alive!
no, Skeeew oooo!
:) at least he destroyed his arch enemy the beeping machine trying to keep him alive!
2/1/2012 c3 Trydurum
HA HA HA I'm not sure if i should be laughing for slightly disturbed, does he have no care for what's going on? love how the narrator only seems to care about the noise - but I can see where the "blinded" part comes in.
It's funny cause I've always hated the beeping whenever I watch house or other t.v shows... I'll keep reading, pretty well written and interesting, thanks for telling me about this on DA - I'll follow this, totally worth reading.
HA HA HA I'm not sure if i should be laughing for slightly disturbed, does he have no care for what's going on? love how the narrator only seems to care about the noise - but I can see where the "blinded" part comes in.
It's funny cause I've always hated the beeping whenever I watch house or other t.v shows... I'll keep reading, pretty well written and interesting, thanks for telling me about this on DA - I'll follow this, totally worth reading.
2/1/2012 c2 Trydurum
O.o
O.o
2/1/2012 c1 Trydurum
Obviously not blind yet, but interesting to say the least, I'll keep reading :)
Obviously not blind yet, but interesting to say the least, I'll keep reading :)