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5/10/2012 c1 99Dreamers-Requiem
Aww, that was really sad. I kind of had mixed feelings about the very end bit - although I like how it links to the start with the out of body experiences, I did feel her thoughts came across as a little cheesy, maybe a little cliche. But that's just a personal feeling. As for the rest, I really enjoyed it, although a few things nagged at me. I don't know anything about medical stuff, but I was wondering how much research you did about what happened to her and what happened to Jordan? I think the thing with Jordan stuck out to me more, as personally, it's hard to see one pack having that much effect on someone so suddenly. Smoking-related diseases tend to be more...slow, as far as I'm aware, and yeah, it's hard to see many people smoking that much after a first try. (And I'm saying this as a smoker, so yeah...)

I did think you could show a bit more of her parents, especially when they come in about the will. Around that point, they came across as just a little cold, and to me it seems quite a big change from how they were originally.

Anyway, just a few things I noticed that I was wondering about. Other than that, I really liked the way you used description and the dialogue between her and Jordan, the way their relationship was built up, was done really well. Good stuff.
2/8/2012 c1 12LivieRose
Everytime I read one of your stories, it takes my breath away. The emotion is so powerful! Reading this, I probably came closer than ever to crying over a story. It was incredible!

Keep writing!

2/2/2012 c1 anaa-pixie
Amazing tear-jerker. I am crying, so hard right now! This is amazing and beautiful!
2/2/2012 c1 46SwimmingThroughExistance
this was beautiful and sad and at the same time so hopeful. i liked the pace and the writing style. good job
2/2/2012 c1 6I am An Omnivore
This is a beautiful, beautiful story. It's breathtakingly touching :)

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