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for Sometimes Time Travels To You

8/11/2012 c1 10dokidokipanic
i just realized i am the tv you speak of in ur strange/awesome/cool poem!
8/4/2012 c1 3Kat Annie
So cold and naked. Anyone who reads this must feel like they've been stripped down and made vulnerable. But it also reads like a very beautiful aged perfume. So creepy. I love this.
7/8/2012 c1 76The Autumn Queen
I really like the concept of this and the way you've presented it for the most part. The way you've used objects to personify the idea of childhood, and not conventional things like toys but deeper things like furnaces and chests, really helps the idea along, and in a unique way too. That, coupled with the other images like the TV and the bed, real makes a powerful and deep image.

In some parts though, it seems like you've using too many words to describe an idea that can be portrayed in less, and thus minimising its effect. Eg [Time has worn you/ down like the hats/ your grandfather gave you.] - That last "you" is rather dragging. There's a few more examples of that, and a few where you could reword it to make the idea more succinct and thus more powerful.
2/11/2012 c1 99Dreamers-Requiem
Poetry isn't my strong suit, so this won't be too detailed, I'm afraid. Anyway - I really like this, the overall feel of it works really well, especially with the use of second person. The third stanza kind of reminded me of the song 'Handbags and Gladrags', with the idea of clothing being given by grandparents. Overall, I like the isolated feeling throughout this, and the idea of, I guess, only being left with memories. Really good stuff, good imagery and I really enoyed reading it.
2/8/2012 c1 30YasuRan
I can relate to some of the themes implied here: loneliness, the feeling that you don't matter enough to be truly heard. Hence, 'the TV left on in the other room'. An apt allusion.

Another thing I enjoyed was the sense of rhythm. Though subtle, it was felt throughout, with the use of second-person and well-placed structure. The last couple of stanzas bring the concept of being alone full circle. It seems that the 'friend' referred to earlier might have been the protagonist's reflection itself. While insular, it definitely underlines the closed-off aspect of having only your own thoughts for company.

Well done :)
2/7/2012 c1 16Dragon made me do it
I really liked this poem, from title to end.

I pictured when I first read the title 'sometimes time travels to you' that it might be about facing death in your later years, as if the future were travelling so quickly towards you like a steam train about to knock you down and take you to your end. But this is much more about time coming from the opposite direction, about the past coming to meet you, although there is still an aspect of bombardment.

the part that struck me the most was the ending:

'you're back beside the mirror,


for cutting the conversation

short last time.'

This idea that they solitude of the present has more attachment than the warmth of past memories is interesting.

Nice one, and good luck in the contest :-)
2/6/2012 c1 4lookingwest
In the third stanza, the click of heels reminded me of a woman's heels because that's how they're stereotypically described-so then I got the vision of the grandfather in a pair of heels...perhaps another way to phrase it? Nothing too troubling, more my personal ear.

I'm also not sure about the line breaks-I'd be interested to know why you decided to split the lines where you split them, as the enjambments do give the poem a very stilted lurching feeling that doesn't lend well to flow. That being said, I like the tightness of the line length and I like that each stanza is three lines, so some of that did lend well to a good visual, perhaps just not a coherent read aloud.

It took me awhile to settle into this poem, but it really caught me at "Sometimes the ghosts" and became a very personal and relatable kind of narrative. I liked that detail and the imagery was simple but stark.

My favorite part of this poem as a whole is the "childhood playing in the other room"-that's the best stanza and the best line for me. I just love it. The figurative is so spot on and it really struck a cord with me. This really becomes a poem about memory and the ghosts of the past-little things like that. And I think most readers know exactly where the speaker is coming from and that makes it very special.

I love the noise in the second to last stanza of the furnace humming on.

Overall loved this poem, was very happy to see something new from you in the poetry department here over at Fictionpress. Too often I don't take time to mull over your works at tumblr and for some reason on FP I take more time with things (I think that's true with everything though).

Concerning the prompt, you did a fantastic job roping in the idea of madness but then tying it into memories. This whole thing has a very haunting aspect to it magnified with the mention of the mirror too.

Enjoyed this :) Best of luck in the WCC!

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