for Just For A While2/3/2016 c1 
1Tagd
I'm not very good at writing reviews.. But in my opinion the first chapter was written very well and kept me interested in the story.
I could also really feel for Shay.
1TagdI'm not very good at writing reviews.. But in my opinion the first chapter was written very well and kept me interested in the story.
I could also really feel for Shay.
8/7/2013 c3 2Facella
Ugh, I feel so sorry for Shay. Poor thing. :(
I'm glad Toma intervened. That innkeeper was an asshole. Finds a boy running from his stables and immediately decides he's got to be a thief. A bit paranoid, huh?
I think your story really has potential. I know you say on your profile that you can't spell, which is fine. But really, I think your story would benefit immensely from a beta reader. Sometimes it's hard to find out what you're trying to say and that jerks me out of the story, which isn't pleasant. Makes reading a bit of a task at times. I mean this in the most positive way, because I'd hate to see such a good plot being hindered by bad spelling.
2FacellaUgh, I feel so sorry for Shay. Poor thing. :(
I'm glad Toma intervened. That innkeeper was an asshole. Finds a boy running from his stables and immediately decides he's got to be a thief. A bit paranoid, huh?
I think your story really has potential. I know you say on your profile that you can't spell, which is fine. But really, I think your story would benefit immensely from a beta reader. Sometimes it's hard to find out what you're trying to say and that jerks me out of the story, which isn't pleasant. Makes reading a bit of a task at times. I mean this in the most positive way, because I'd hate to see such a good plot being hindered by bad spelling.
8/5/2013 c2 2Facella
Interesting story so far.
But I think you really need to reread what you've written before posting it. There's a lot of typos and it looks like you can't make up your mind on which tense you want your story to be in. Maybe get a beta reader? I think that would be a major improvement for your story.
2FacellaInteresting story so far.
But I think you really need to reread what you've written before posting it. There's a lot of typos and it looks like you can't make up your mind on which tense you want your story to be in. Maybe get a beta reader? I think that would be a major improvement for your story.
8/4/2013 c2 estarianne
"She gave a rye smile, knowing exactly the effect she was having on him."
"rye" is a grain. I think the word you wanted was "wry."
So far so good! Can't wait to see where you go with the story!
"She gave a rye smile, knowing exactly the effect she was having on him."
"rye" is a grain. I think the word you wanted was "wry."
So far so good! Can't wait to see where you go with the story!
2/21/2012 c1 anydayanywhere
Great start so far. I am really excited to find out what happen next now.
Great start so far. I am really excited to find out what happen next now.