for Makoto Kagori6/23/2012 c12 
1Nori-san
Hello again friend.
It's about time that you've uploaded a new chapter. Without further ado, let's jump straight into this review section.
I'm glad that to have remained consistent in your words, or maybe even improved on. I like the idea of introduction to the main Antagonist, Kazuma. He is Confident of his ability, although I find it quite surprising that the strong Kazuma have only limited power in using fire.
Okay, that aside, we go on to the king and Lilliana. She definitely have a certain agenda but I would like to see how are you going to bring It up. The king's trust for Makoto seems a bit too, over the top? For someone they had just tested, the king was so readily to entrust the precious sword to him. For me, I find that it was too much of a coincidence with a tint of cliqueness (but who isn't? )
To sum it up, you still have some word structure problems but nonetheless improved a lot. Your descriptive parts are well written. All the best in your publishing efforts! Would love to hear the good news from you.
Keep on writing!
1Nori-sanHello again friend.
It's about time that you've uploaded a new chapter. Without further ado, let's jump straight into this review section.
I'm glad that to have remained consistent in your words, or maybe even improved on. I like the idea of introduction to the main Antagonist, Kazuma. He is Confident of his ability, although I find it quite surprising that the strong Kazuma have only limited power in using fire.
Okay, that aside, we go on to the king and Lilliana. She definitely have a certain agenda but I would like to see how are you going to bring It up. The king's trust for Makoto seems a bit too, over the top? For someone they had just tested, the king was so readily to entrust the precious sword to him. For me, I find that it was too much of a coincidence with a tint of cliqueness (but who isn't? )
To sum it up, you still have some word structure problems but nonetheless improved a lot. Your descriptive parts are well written. All the best in your publishing efforts! Would love to hear the good news from you.
Keep on writing!
6/23/2012 c12 wetdrtertedrtertert
Nice chapter; good to see the general length is getting bigger. Keep up the good work and you will get better.
Also about publishing; be careful I was offered once but turned it down. Make sure the people you may be publishing with aren't ripping you off.
Nice chapter; good to see the general length is getting bigger. Keep up the good work and you will get better.
Also about publishing; be careful I was offered once but turned it down. Make sure the people you may be publishing with aren't ripping you off.
6/15/2012 c11 wetdrtertedrtertert
I'm interested in seeing how this will proceed. I imagine that Makoto will do something about the fire since he's a fire mage. Keep up the good work!
I'm interested in seeing how this will proceed. I imagine that Makoto will do something about the fire since he's a fire mage. Keep up the good work!
6/13/2012 c11 Nori-san
Hello Again my friend.
Good to see that your story is growing with a lot of followers :) as for the poll, I'm going with Aoi for reasons being my gut tells me that she is more of a suitable female cast in the story.
Hmmm As for my review to your story, it is actually interesting to see some action again. I do find that the last sentence at the end to be quite weird. Maybe you would want to take a look Into it .
Masked man, interesting addition to your enemies. The chapter is rather short but the points are definitely there for us to understand the flow.
There are some parts that I find it rather abrupt, around the first half of the story if I remembered correctly.
Overall is a good one, and I am looking forward to the next chapter.
Keep writing! :)
Hello Again my friend.
Good to see that your story is growing with a lot of followers :) as for the poll, I'm going with Aoi for reasons being my gut tells me that she is more of a suitable female cast in the story.
Hmmm As for my review to your story, it is actually interesting to see some action again. I do find that the last sentence at the end to be quite weird. Maybe you would want to take a look Into it .
Masked man, interesting addition to your enemies. The chapter is rather short but the points are definitely there for us to understand the flow.
There are some parts that I find it rather abrupt, around the first half of the story if I remembered correctly.
Overall is a good one, and I am looking forward to the next chapter.
Keep writing! :)
6/12/2012 c11 1CynthiaAAndi
Yay! Finally able to review!
I've read this yesterday, but I couldn't log in.
Ok, here goes:
Are u kidding me? Aoi ftw! definitely!
Although, seeing Liliana trying to seduce Makoto would be an interesting scene.
I'm looking forward to finding who's behind this kidnapping thing, and the reason why.
See u in the next review!
1CynthiaAAndiYay! Finally able to review!
I've read this yesterday, but I couldn't log in.
Ok, here goes:
Are u kidding me? Aoi ftw! definitely!
Although, seeing Liliana trying to seduce Makoto would be an interesting scene.
I'm looking forward to finding who's behind this kidnapping thing, and the reason why.
See u in the next review!
6/11/2012 c11 WilliamShatner
review... hmm. whats a review? oh right. this.
This chapter was a little short, but at least we got past the last cliffhanger... and into another cliffhanger.
also, Lilliana FTW
review... hmm. whats a review? oh right. this.
This chapter was a little short, but at least we got past the last cliffhanger... and into another cliffhanger.
also, Lilliana FTW
6/11/2012 c10 WilliamShatner
review, review, review, etc. good chapter, although not very much happened. LillianaHAWT.
review, review, review, etc. good chapter, although not very much happened. LillianaHAWT.
6/7/2012 c10 wetdrtertedrtertert
Interesting chapter, sorry for late review, been busy. I'm interested in the whole lore behind this world and more. Keep up the good work.
Interesting chapter, sorry for late review, been busy. I'm interested in the whole lore behind this world and more. Keep up the good work.
6/6/2012 c10 1Nori-san
Hello again friend!
Damm you made me feel bad for not reading your story for a long time!
Haha I'm kidding but in all honesty, I was really packed with assignments to do.
Hmmm after reading your OOC, I guess I kinda understand where you are coming from, seeing that you did mention this to me once quite some time ago. Story wise, my favorite is still Corack and with the backstory of him, I'm more than sure that he's the kind of badass fighter.
It seems that Satashi trusts Makoto a lot as seen in this chapter . I would like to see how all this stem out from and what would happen from it. And the abrupt appearance of the man, nice ending for the chapter.
On a side note, I believe that you will be able to publish this story and I really do hope to see this on the shelf someday :) I, for one, shares the same dream as you too so lets work hard in making it come true!
Keep writing !:)
1Nori-sanHello again friend!
Damm you made me feel bad for not reading your story for a long time!
Haha I'm kidding but in all honesty, I was really packed with assignments to do.
Hmmm after reading your OOC, I guess I kinda understand where you are coming from, seeing that you did mention this to me once quite some time ago. Story wise, my favorite is still Corack and with the backstory of him, I'm more than sure that he's the kind of badass fighter.
It seems that Satashi trusts Makoto a lot as seen in this chapter . I would like to see how all this stem out from and what would happen from it. And the abrupt appearance of the man, nice ending for the chapter.
On a side note, I believe that you will be able to publish this story and I really do hope to see this on the shelf someday :) I, for one, shares the same dream as you too so lets work hard in making it come true!
Keep writing !:)
6/6/2012 c10 1CynthiaAAndi
Well, this mission seems rather exciting!
This princess seems very intriguing.. You know, this is nothing of importance, but somehow I was surprised to find out she was wearing black, despite her "white" image! xD
I wonder why this palace replica is so empty.. Well, if it's supposed to be that way, then I guess it's fine. But I imagined there should be some maids tending to the princess, and probably some guards outside her door.
And don't be sad about reviews.. The last chapter wasn't technically a "chapter" anyhow.. You still have more reviews than I do.. I found in my stats that people have been reading, but they don't leave reviews nor subscribe.. Then my story must be lousy..
But as long as there's 1 person following my story, I'll keep writing and improving :)
Looking forward to the next chapter..
1CynthiaAAndiWell, this mission seems rather exciting!
This princess seems very intriguing.. You know, this is nothing of importance, but somehow I was surprised to find out she was wearing black, despite her "white" image! xD
I wonder why this palace replica is so empty.. Well, if it's supposed to be that way, then I guess it's fine. But I imagined there should be some maids tending to the princess, and probably some guards outside her door.
And don't be sad about reviews.. The last chapter wasn't technically a "chapter" anyhow.. You still have more reviews than I do.. I found in my stats that people have been reading, but they don't leave reviews nor subscribe.. Then my story must be lousy..
But as long as there's 1 person following my story, I'll keep writing and improving :)
Looking forward to the next chapter..
5/31/2012 c7 minimildew
lol kyuubi, you say Burly and Chest Cavity too much xD
lol kyuubi, you say Burly and Chest Cavity too much xD
5/31/2012 c1 Minimildew
Brilliantly written Kyuubi, although I would ask someone to proofread and correct some of the grammar and spelling. Plenty of descriptive language, and a rather intriguing plot, so far. Good work.
Brilliantly written Kyuubi, although I would ask someone to proofread and correct some of the grammar and spelling. Plenty of descriptive language, and a rather intriguing plot, so far. Good work.
5/29/2012 c9 CynthiaAAndi
This isn't a chapter, so there's really no need for me to review this.. but first of all, my pleasure! xD
I'm getting more interested in Corack, someone I honestly haven't cared much about. I hope we'll get to know the reason why he prefers to kill his opponents. I mean, I know that he just doesn't want them to trouble him later, but somehow I've wondered if there was a specific thing happening in the past, like someone that REALLY came back and caused him lots of trouble. Well, feel free to disregard this if you already thought of something about it, or if you think it's not necessary.. lol
I do somewhat love Makoto's naiveness.. The whole idea of someone so nauseatingly innocent isn't really uncommon, but I hope that he wouldn't change that part of him easily. I don't want him to have nightmares, and I know he would eventually need to learn to throw his emotions aside when he's doing his job for the sake of defeating Kazuma, but I feel that it's wonderful for a hero to never forget how many things and people he had sacrificed for his ultimate goal. It's a lot easier to sympathize with Makoto since he views his victims as "people (with family, friends, and things they want to protect)", not "the opponent's pawns," or "something that might trouble me later."
And as always, *thanks to my girly preference*, I'd love to see more Aoi moments..
Sorry if you get tired of hearing that..
This isn't a chapter, so there's really no need for me to review this.. but first of all, my pleasure! xD
I'm getting more interested in Corack, someone I honestly haven't cared much about. I hope we'll get to know the reason why he prefers to kill his opponents. I mean, I know that he just doesn't want them to trouble him later, but somehow I've wondered if there was a specific thing happening in the past, like someone that REALLY came back and caused him lots of trouble. Well, feel free to disregard this if you already thought of something about it, or if you think it's not necessary.. lol
I do somewhat love Makoto's naiveness.. The whole idea of someone so nauseatingly innocent isn't really uncommon, but I hope that he wouldn't change that part of him easily. I don't want him to have nightmares, and I know he would eventually need to learn to throw his emotions aside when he's doing his job for the sake of defeating Kazuma, but I feel that it's wonderful for a hero to never forget how many things and people he had sacrificed for his ultimate goal. It's a lot easier to sympathize with Makoto since he views his victims as "people (with family, friends, and things they want to protect)", not "the opponent's pawns," or "something that might trouble me later."
And as always, *thanks to my girly preference*, I'd love to see more Aoi moments..
Sorry if you get tired of hearing that..
5/26/2012 c8 wetdrtertedrtertert
Interesting, I like the whole idea of seeing a character possibly go from soft hearted to something else/more. keep up the good work!
Interesting, I like the whole idea of seeing a character possibly go from soft hearted to something else/more. keep up the good work!
5/26/2012 c8 CynthiaAAndi
Poor Makoto. It sure didn't seem alike a normal nightmare. I wish he would appear more anguished as he watched Aoi's life nearing its end. I know that the "Makoto" in the vision was supposedly dead already, but I suddenly imagined Makoto hearing Aoi begging for him to save her through her heart guard..
Forgive my overactive imagination.. xD
But overall, good job! Can't wait to find out about their new assignment!
Poor Makoto. It sure didn't seem alike a normal nightmare. I wish he would appear more anguished as he watched Aoi's life nearing its end. I know that the "Makoto" in the vision was supposedly dead already, but I suddenly imagined Makoto hearing Aoi begging for him to save her through her heart guard..
Forgive my overactive imagination.. xD
But overall, good job! Can't wait to find out about their new assignment!