for The Shell7/15/2012 c1 
76The Autumn Queen
I like the soft manter you've built up with this. Almost like a shell singing...but some words did impede on that, like "spat" - perhaps a softer word. The ending, with "wreck" also did a little.
I also really like the repetition of "still waiting in the" followed by one of nature's forces. It served to emphasise the power of nature and its force, particularly as the poem centred around the poor shell being battered by all variations...superficially of course. I'm sure I spot some deeper possibilities. Use and abuse for one. The mask of beauty...shells really are beautiful.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
76The Autumn QueenI like the soft manter you've built up with this. Almost like a shell singing...but some words did impede on that, like "spat" - perhaps a softer word. The ending, with "wreck" also did a little.
I also really like the repetition of "still waiting in the" followed by one of nature's forces. It served to emphasise the power of nature and its force, particularly as the poem centred around the poor shell being battered by all variations...superficially of course. I'm sure I spot some deeper possibilities. Use and abuse for one. The mask of beauty...shells really are beautiful.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
5/25/2012 c1 Shadows of a Dream
Goes from peaceful to depressing. :P Nevertheless, nice poetry. I can see it as a book with big illustrations! :D
Goes from peaceful to depressing. :P Nevertheless, nice poetry. I can see it as a book with big illustrations! :D