for War5/12/2012 c1 
15Natari Mirumura
I LOVEEEEE this poem! But honestly, turth be told, it was more like a story. I think you should transform it into one. About three mistakes, but the description and passion was breathtaking! Outstanding, keep it up! .
15Natari MirumuraI LOVEEEEE this poem! But honestly, turth be told, it was more like a story. I think you should transform it into one. About three mistakes, but the description and passion was breathtaking! Outstanding, keep it up! .
5/1/2012 c1 46SwimmingThroughExistance
i liked this piece, the formatting was interesting to- it's inspired me to try writing a piece of 'prose-poetry'. keep writing:D
46SwimmingThroughExistancei liked this piece, the formatting was interesting to- it's inspired me to try writing a piece of 'prose-poetry'. keep writing:D
4/17/2012 c1 12Pinchen
This is beautifully written.
"I emerge unbreakable only to stumble each time."
I really loved that line. I grew up with my parents living divorced, so that was never really an issue for me, but I know a girl who lived through allt hat and it was horrible.
No kid should ever face that.
Well done (:
Best wishes, Pinchen
12PinchenThis is beautifully written.
"I emerge unbreakable only to stumble each time."
I really loved that line. I grew up with my parents living divorced, so that was never really an issue for me, but I know a girl who lived through allt hat and it was horrible.
No kid should ever face that.
Well done (:
Best wishes, Pinchen
4/1/2012 c1 24Pzychotic
"I survive, only to fall again."
Yes, that's the truth about life. Again, amazing imagery. Love violent and angsty pieces!
24Pzychotic"I survive, only to fall again."
Yes, that's the truth about life. Again, amazing imagery. Love violent and angsty pieces!
3/26/2012 c1 1H0ld1ngH0p3
When parents fight, it's not only the parents themselves that suffer; it's the children, too. Your "War" does an amazing job at emphasizing that point!
1H0ld1ngH0p3When parents fight, it's not only the parents themselves that suffer; it's the children, too. Your "War" does an amazing job at emphasizing that point!
3/25/2012 c1 336TheGlycoprotein
That's really deep. The way you've described it mirrors the situation perfectly. I understand because my parents split when I was younger. I can still remember their arguments. This also sort of reminds me of Tracy Chapman's song "Behind the Wall". Ever heard it? You should give it a listen if not. Great piece :)
336TheGlycoproteinThat's really deep. The way you've described it mirrors the situation perfectly. I understand because my parents split when I was younger. I can still remember their arguments. This also sort of reminds me of Tracy Chapman's song "Behind the Wall". Ever heard it? You should give it a listen if not. Great piece :)
3/8/2012 c1 5kingofgoblins
Not a bad story, though I would recommend a slight bit of proof-reading before posting. I understand the excitement of having something, but a going over will improve the overall quality. I dig the metaphors to war and soldiers, and it works well in context to the kind of story you are writing. Secondly, I would attempt to break this up into possibly two paragraphs, for the sole and simple purpose of making it more pleasing to the eye, and being simpler to read. This is definitely a good start, and with some practice, you've got the potential to write great things. Keep writing. :)
5kingofgoblinsNot a bad story, though I would recommend a slight bit of proof-reading before posting. I understand the excitement of having something, but a going over will improve the overall quality. I dig the metaphors to war and soldiers, and it works well in context to the kind of story you are writing. Secondly, I would attempt to break this up into possibly two paragraphs, for the sole and simple purpose of making it more pleasing to the eye, and being simpler to read. This is definitely a good start, and with some practice, you've got the potential to write great things. Keep writing. :)