for The Trees3/13/2012 c1 
58Inkspilled
"Another gentle wind sweeps among the trees, and with it, I send with it the elusive emotions that I cannot voice."- repetition of 'with it'
This had a very surreal, dreamlike sense to it. I like the poetic sense of narration and tone, and how the passage of time became such a powerful image in here. It's interesting to note the narrator's mention of the trees which makes me wonder if what the narrator is, exactly. A lovely, poignant little piece. :)
58Inkspilled"Another gentle wind sweeps among the trees, and with it, I send with it the elusive emotions that I cannot voice."- repetition of 'with it'
This had a very surreal, dreamlike sense to it. I like the poetic sense of narration and tone, and how the passage of time became such a powerful image in here. It's interesting to note the narrator's mention of the trees which makes me wonder if what the narrator is, exactly. A lovely, poignant little piece. :)
3/13/2012 c1 11berley
I think you really nailed the tone of the narrator here; it was super effective and generally my favourite part of the piece. The narrator’s voice was so soft and wise sounding, it really added to the piece. I also liked that you kept the language simple and didn’t try to get too flowery here. It was a great balance that again added to the tone and the narrator’s voice.
I personally would have liked to have seen a bit more concrete imagery and details, but overall it was still well done. There were a few lines like “The trees are draped in the golden splendor of fall” that were a bit too abstract for me. I know what you were getting at with that line, and it’s a nice line, but I think more concrete details of what exactly the trees looked like in their “golden splendor of fall” would make the image even more effective.
Your interpretation of the prompt was really original, too. Very interesting piece, and a really beautiful idea. Great job, dude. Best of luck in the WCC!
11berleyI think you really nailed the tone of the narrator here; it was super effective and generally my favourite part of the piece. The narrator’s voice was so soft and wise sounding, it really added to the piece. I also liked that you kept the language simple and didn’t try to get too flowery here. It was a great balance that again added to the tone and the narrator’s voice.
I personally would have liked to have seen a bit more concrete imagery and details, but overall it was still well done. There were a few lines like “The trees are draped in the golden splendor of fall” that were a bit too abstract for me. I know what you were getting at with that line, and it’s a nice line, but I think more concrete details of what exactly the trees looked like in their “golden splendor of fall” would make the image even more effective.
Your interpretation of the prompt was really original, too. Very interesting piece, and a really beautiful idea. Great job, dude. Best of luck in the WCC!
3/9/2012 c1 5Dr. Self Destruct
Oh wow, I really like this Steph. There's a very mysterious air to this, like the tone I'd find in a fable or a folktale or something (if that makes sense, haha). I love how you tied back into the prompt with how there's someone watching the woman through the trees, always telling her it'll be there for her.
This kinda makes me think of this old book I read when I was really little about a tree that grows up with a little boy. It's always there for him, giving him his fruit, a shadow to sit under, even his own trunk so the kid can make a house. Then the kid comes back as an old man and sits on the tree's stump - I think it's how this voice talks about being for this girl her entire life that made me think of that child's story.
I'm left wondering if there really is someone in there in the trees. Is it not just the trees themselves talking, but some type of supernatural being, like a nymph or a druid? I do love the air of mystery you uphold throughout the story, because I think it's a question best left unanswered - leaves much more of an impact that way and lets the reader come up with their own answer.
The last scene was truly beautiful, and so was the last line. It brought me back to when I was a little girl and used to wander around the woods around my house. Very nice and very touching. :)
Good luck in the WCC! ^-^
5Dr. Self DestructOh wow, I really like this Steph. There's a very mysterious air to this, like the tone I'd find in a fable or a folktale or something (if that makes sense, haha). I love how you tied back into the prompt with how there's someone watching the woman through the trees, always telling her it'll be there for her.
This kinda makes me think of this old book I read when I was really little about a tree that grows up with a little boy. It's always there for him, giving him his fruit, a shadow to sit under, even his own trunk so the kid can make a house. Then the kid comes back as an old man and sits on the tree's stump - I think it's how this voice talks about being for this girl her entire life that made me think of that child's story.
I'm left wondering if there really is someone in there in the trees. Is it not just the trees themselves talking, but some type of supernatural being, like a nymph or a druid? I do love the air of mystery you uphold throughout the story, because I think it's a question best left unanswered - leaves much more of an impact that way and lets the reader come up with their own answer.
The last scene was truly beautiful, and so was the last line. It brought me back to when I was a little girl and used to wander around the woods around my house. Very nice and very touching. :)
Good luck in the WCC! ^-^