6/9/2012 c5 Don'tStopMeNow
I like her, she's hilarious. But at the same time if she's a nerd and doesn't talk all that much or whatever then how come she argued with the sexiest man in the universe? (just kidding because the sexiest man in the universe would be Freddie Mercury.)

Ahem, anyways, other than that, I feel like I would be amazing friends with this girl and we would go do stupid things together. And Michaels sounds super cute/hot. :)

Netteluci sounds like a salad or type of bread to me. XD

5/26/2012 c2 6Victoria Best
Hey :)

Oh wow this is such a great chapter! It really made me laugh in places, and you clearly have a really interesting, unique plot developing here, with some almost explosive characters. I love your main character! She is so awesome! I like how she is not the conventional 'Ditzy Princess' type of girl so many writers on here write about. She is clever and witty and won't be insulted by anyone without standing her ground. I was cheering for her all the way through their little tennis match of comebacks. She is definitely my favourite character so far. Girl power all the way! :D I love this story!

I like the way you make her narrate quite colloquially, and she speaks the way you would expect a teenager to, for example "For like... ten whole seconds." I get a clear sense of her voice, and it adds a dimension of realism to the character, as well as making her someone we can understand and empathise with. You have captured her voice perfectly, and it's a pleasure to read her narration, and I was smiling all the way through this. Reading this has really brightened my day :') I love the little elements of humour in this, for example "Greek God, over and over again" and "I'm talking full out massacre." Hee, hee :') How do you come up with this stuff? It's just genius! I was laughing so hard. The dialogue was so funny, but it was also quite believable and I could clearly visualise everything. It also provided a lot of insight into the characters and their personalities. "That's not conceited, babe. That's just the truth." Heh, I love how that sentence just proves he is conceited! This is amazing, and I love all the characters, and I was smiling all the way through this :')

You also show how the characters feel just by their facial expressions, which is great. For example, you state: "The guy in front of me furrows his eyebrows and takes an intimidating step closer." It's a great way of conveying his emotions, and offered great insight into his thoughts and personality. I also like the way you illustrate her emotions. She clearly starts off determined to stay in the seat no matter what, thinking that its 'Owner' is just some regular guy. I love the sharp transition between her initial thoughts and then her reaction when she sees that the person is some Greek God hero. That was brilliant! :D I almost felt sorry for her at first, thinking he was going to humiliate her, but she stood her ground right to the end, which just makes me love and admire her even more. She clearly has some serious morals she stands by, for example refusing to be humiliated by anyone, and she sticks by those morals even in those sorts of situations. She clearly has a lot of respect for herself, which makes me really respect her too. :')

The characters in general are brilliant. I cannot wait to read more about the guy. He's just so unbelievably arrogant, which makes me question whether he is in fact hiding something. No one can become that arrogant. Perhaps he is actually quite a damaged person riddled with secrets. He's quite mysterious, and I like how we haven't learnt a lot about him yet. It acts as a great hook to encourage people to keep reading to find out more about him. He's a great character! Also, I love the teacher. He is just so awesome! Obviously he is used to all those detention kids causing mischief, so he just sits there reading his magazine, not caring about them at all. I wish I had teachers like that at my school! The ones at my school are just really boring and strict. :( And of course, I love the two main characters so much, even though it is only the second chapter. They are perfect for each other! I really hope to see more of their relationship.

Just a small note, but near the end of this chapter, there was too much focus on dialogue, and not enough on how the characters actually looked when saying those things. It got a little hard to visualise the situation and build up a clear image of everything that was happening. Even just describing something small like their gestures can make your characters extremely memorable and can help the reader imagine everything. Sometimes a little note on body language or eye contact can add more depth and meaning to their speech than the words themselves.

Also, keep an eye out for grammar. I hate nagging about this, but it does get a little distracting to read, for example "Smirking and popping there gum like before" should be "Smirking and popping {their} gum" Finally, try not to over-explain. For example, you state "Especially since his eyebrows are now risen due to his surprise." You do not need the ending "Due to his surprise." We get that he is surprised just from the facial expression you have described, but you just over-explain by telling us why he looked that way. You need to allow your readers to build up their own perceptions of the characters' thoughts and emotions and come to their own conclusions, so they can be thinking and questioning rather than just passively reading.

Otherwise, I really like this! You have some great characters, a brilliant plot, and a great story, and I cannot wait to read more. I will try to read more as soon as possible. You are a very talented writer. Keep writing and following your dreams! :D

-Vicky x

5/15/2012 c6 Nephythys
A.m.a.z.i.n.g

I have to say, Michaels, is totally kick-ass. Update soon, or I'll burn in impatience.

Literally (if you knew just how hot it is in my country)

5/15/2012 c6 UnIdenteefyabel
O.M.G. Please update! This made me laugh so hard, I almost fell off my bed reading it! A few errors here and there but other than that, it's great.

5/9/2012 c6 fangirlnostalgia
loving it! update soon :]

5/8/2012 c6 3Anushree
hey! tooo good! loved it! you are a fantastic writer! especially with humour and sarcasm! do upload soon!

5/7/2012 c6 19bookppl93
Haha update quick!