for Flight of the Black Swan4/9/2012 c1 
63RedactedNoLongerWriting
Wow, it's been a while since WCC has had a piece with this much backstory and plot. Overall, I think you did a good job telling the whole story. We knew the beginning and the end and a little of the middle, enough to know exactly what the Black Swan was about and why Vanya was looking for her still. I would've liked to maybe see a little bit more of their relationship since it seemed like they were involved at some point, but the middle time jumps passed really quickly. It would be nice in revisions maybe to include some of his in-the-moment observations of her that show how much he cares or why he's so in awe of her, rather than just saying it.
Overall, though, I liked this. Great job and good luck in the WCC!
63RedactedNoLongerWritingWow, it's been a while since WCC has had a piece with this much backstory and plot. Overall, I think you did a good job telling the whole story. We knew the beginning and the end and a little of the middle, enough to know exactly what the Black Swan was about and why Vanya was looking for her still. I would've liked to maybe see a little bit more of their relationship since it seemed like they were involved at some point, but the middle time jumps passed really quickly. It would be nice in revisions maybe to include some of his in-the-moment observations of her that show how much he cares or why he's so in awe of her, rather than just saying it.
Overall, though, I liked this. Great job and good luck in the WCC!
4/7/2012 c1 Cryanth
AWESOME! I LOVE THIS STORY! Every one of your story's Ive read is GREAT! You should finish this story. I really want to find out if Vanya find the Black Swan.
AWESOME! I LOVE THIS STORY! Every one of your story's Ive read is GREAT! You should finish this story. I really want to find out if Vanya find the Black Swan.
4/6/2012 c1 29YasuRan
I like how you structured this story within a story. The best elements of fantasy-adventure are brought out through the Black Swan legend and the narrator. There's a daring quality to Irina that makes her an admirable fever (I guess we all love a rebel, eh?) and though the romantic aspect of her relationship with Vanya felt a bit forced at first, the manner in which it provides an impetus to his faith in her rounds out the story well.
Vanya's little speech addressed to his lost heroine at the end was a nice touch. It reminds us that there is always more to a legend, even as it comes to a close.
Good luck in the competition :)
29YasuRanI like how you structured this story within a story. The best elements of fantasy-adventure are brought out through the Black Swan legend and the narrator. There's a daring quality to Irina that makes her an admirable fever (I guess we all love a rebel, eh?) and though the romantic aspect of her relationship with Vanya felt a bit forced at first, the manner in which it provides an impetus to his faith in her rounds out the story well.
Vanya's little speech addressed to his lost heroine at the end was a nice touch. It reminds us that there is always more to a legend, even as it comes to a close.
Good luck in the competition :)