for MENTAL7/16/2013 c1 
1twiinklex
Great, well thought out characters you established there. Can't wait for updates and to see them meet and interact with each other.
1twiinklexGreat, well thought out characters you established there. Can't wait for updates and to see them meet and interact with each other.
9/25/2012 c3 Luz
Thanks!
Thanks!
9/24/2012 c1 2Felicia Huey
What is this? A guy who actually writes? Lol, ima girl but whatever.
This reminds me of the book "Clean", have you read it? You should if you haven't.
I don't have time right now to read the entirety of what you wrote, but I will. I promise :P
2Felicia HueyWhat is this? A guy who actually writes? Lol, ima girl but whatever.
This reminds me of the book "Clean", have you read it? You should if you haven't.
I don't have time right now to read the entirety of what you wrote, but I will. I promise :P
9/24/2012 c3 4sanguine eyes
Hey! Ohmigod, YESSS! This was completely awesome! :3 I love it. Hopefully you can update soon...Oh well, I can sympathize with you on having a busy schedule :P
By the way, I changed my penname on FanFiction to awkwardxcamelxproductions, and I'm soon going to do the same on here...)
xSanityxIsxFleetingx
4sanguine eyesHey! Ohmigod, YESSS! This was completely awesome! :3 I love it. Hopefully you can update soon...Oh well, I can sympathize with you on having a busy schedule :P
By the way, I changed my penname on FanFiction to awkwardxcamelxproductions, and I'm soon going to do the same on here...)
xSanityxIsxFleetingx
8/11/2012 c1 1Dearest Enemy
Well, after having read your profile and discovering you're a 14 year old, I wasn't going to bother with reading this. In my (very stereotypical) opinion, people under the age of 16 shouldn't be using this site to write stories; they should be watching Spongebob or something...
But I'm glad I did read this.
The way you write is incredibly sophisticated, and I'm impressed by the multi-monologues.
One tiny suggestion - try to not get sucked into the world of teenage cliches. Example being Bella: rape victim turned self harmer. Very common in this sub-genre of writing. This is by no means a bad thing, as long as her character is more than what people will expect her to be like. Make her different, shocking. Say, give her dark inner demons that cause bouts of uncharacteristic rage. Things that will make the readers go "I can't believe that just happened!"
I appreciate the irony of me telling you not to be cliched when my only story published on here is about a teenage girl getting pregnant.
Still, I hope this helps somewhat, and this has the premise to be a very good story!
Ginger Fingers.
1Dearest EnemyWell, after having read your profile and discovering you're a 14 year old, I wasn't going to bother with reading this. In my (very stereotypical) opinion, people under the age of 16 shouldn't be using this site to write stories; they should be watching Spongebob or something...
But I'm glad I did read this.
The way you write is incredibly sophisticated, and I'm impressed by the multi-monologues.
One tiny suggestion - try to not get sucked into the world of teenage cliches. Example being Bella: rape victim turned self harmer. Very common in this sub-genre of writing. This is by no means a bad thing, as long as her character is more than what people will expect her to be like. Make her different, shocking. Say, give her dark inner demons that cause bouts of uncharacteristic rage. Things that will make the readers go "I can't believe that just happened!"
I appreciate the irony of me telling you not to be cliched when my only story published on here is about a teenage girl getting pregnant.
Still, I hope this helps somewhat, and this has the premise to be a very good story!
Ginger Fingers.
6/16/2012 c2 19Luzith
Loved it. You develop the characters fully and distinctly. You also explain the various disorders/behaviors very well. I look forward to reading more.
19LuzithLoved it. You develop the characters fully and distinctly. You also explain the various disorders/behaviors very well. I look forward to reading more.
6/5/2012 c2 6LaMindy
I've meant to review for a long time now, but I'm so lazy... Anyway, amazing chapter! Isabella and Jason's parts were my favorites, but I really liked Savannah's too! Everything is so well written, and I like how the story is developing. It such a sad theme, but it's so beautifully written at the same time. It's so much emotion behind your words, I can actually feel it. That gives the story life in a amazing way, it's like I'm in your story myself. Your words just suck the readers in xD
Oh, by the way, if the songs Isabella was listening to is songs you like yourself, we have a pretty similar taste in music. I like 3 Doors Down, and love Evanescence!
I'm really looking forward to read more of this :3
6LaMindyI've meant to review for a long time now, but I'm so lazy... Anyway, amazing chapter! Isabella and Jason's parts were my favorites, but I really liked Savannah's too! Everything is so well written, and I like how the story is developing. It such a sad theme, but it's so beautifully written at the same time. It's so much emotion behind your words, I can actually feel it. That gives the story life in a amazing way, it's like I'm in your story myself. Your words just suck the readers in xD
Oh, by the way, if the songs Isabella was listening to is songs you like yourself, we have a pretty similar taste in music. I like 3 Doors Down, and love Evanescence!
I'm really looking forward to read more of this :3
6/2/2012 c1 2Truthfully Spoken-xo
I just wanted to let you know I always love to read stories with different characters narrating and telling their view on things. Good description, and way to keep it intense.
I do think a few of them need a little more details and if I didn't have to run I would elaborate. I will make sure to get on later and explain!
All in all; great! I look forward to more (
2Truthfully Spoken-xoI just wanted to let you know I always love to read stories with different characters narrating and telling their view on things. Good description, and way to keep it intense.
I do think a few of them need a little more details and if I didn't have to run I would elaborate. I will make sure to get on later and explain!
All in all; great! I look forward to more (
5/25/2012 c2 WordsxOfxWisdom Not Logged On
Ah yes, another wonderful chapter. I feel so bad for Isabella; having someone like that in your life, someone you love that much, and then having them turn around and rape you...Wow, unbelievable. She's stronger than she realizes, I think.
Unfortunately, I don't have much else to say, other than that you should get started on the next chapter xD
WordsxOfxWisdom
Ah yes, another wonderful chapter. I feel so bad for Isabella; having someone like that in your life, someone you love that much, and then having them turn around and rape you...Wow, unbelievable. She's stronger than she realizes, I think.
Unfortunately, I don't have much else to say, other than that you should get started on the next chapter xD
WordsxOfxWisdom
5/23/2012 c1 3TheSecretAuthor
Honestly, this is amazing. You're a really good writer. I actually suffer from depression and cutting and was in a mental hospital for attempting suicide this year, and I think you did a really good job capturing what myself and some of the other people I met there felt. I'm excited to read more, great job!
3TheSecretAuthorHonestly, this is amazing. You're a really good writer. I actually suffer from depression and cutting and was in a mental hospital for attempting suicide this year, and I think you did a really good job capturing what myself and some of the other people I met there felt. I'm excited to read more, great job!
5/18/2012 c1 BipolarRaInBoW
This is really interesting so far! I can't wait to see how they all meet! Please continue! :D
This is really interesting so far! I can't wait to see how they all meet! Please continue! :D