for Blood, Sweat and Moronic Teachers!8/9/2013 c3 
4Lolitroy
It's weird to see authors like you on Fictionpress anymore.
Sure, there may have been one or two as bold as to go around doing what you did, but to your extent? Nah.
I saw them. Lots of people saw them. You went around Fictiopress spamming entries saying "this story is amazing!" and stuff. You went around Fictionpress deeming everyone as "excellent writers". You went around Fictionpress begging for reviews. And let me tell you, it's pitiful.
The moment I noticed your review, well, I swear I was stranged. Because for one, my story is FAR from amazing. But then I noticed other stories with the exact same review... and well, words couldn't describe my awe. Seriously? Just seriously?
And the worst part is so many people fell for it. But, thank god, some went out and stopped you from continuing. I remember reviewing this complaining about you-know-what, but alas, my comment was mysteriously vanished.
The story isn't even that awesome! I mean, for one, typos are endless. The characters are as shallow as it goes. Stererotypes, stereotypes all over the place, plus there is no plot whatsoever.
If you're honestly planning on publishing something, first of all make sure it's worth publishing. And even if you'll try something as cheap as spamming begs for reviews, do it with class. As a real farsant would.
Anyway this is my first flame. Feel happy that I wasted my time doing this. And I only did, believe me, because I have the policy to return reviews. Else this would've just died as one of those stories not even worth peeing on.
4LolitroyIt's weird to see authors like you on Fictionpress anymore.
Sure, there may have been one or two as bold as to go around doing what you did, but to your extent? Nah.
I saw them. Lots of people saw them. You went around Fictiopress spamming entries saying "this story is amazing!" and stuff. You went around Fictionpress deeming everyone as "excellent writers". You went around Fictionpress begging for reviews. And let me tell you, it's pitiful.
The moment I noticed your review, well, I swear I was stranged. Because for one, my story is FAR from amazing. But then I noticed other stories with the exact same review... and well, words couldn't describe my awe. Seriously? Just seriously?
And the worst part is so many people fell for it. But, thank god, some went out and stopped you from continuing. I remember reviewing this complaining about you-know-what, but alas, my comment was mysteriously vanished.
The story isn't even that awesome! I mean, for one, typos are endless. The characters are as shallow as it goes. Stererotypes, stereotypes all over the place, plus there is no plot whatsoever.
If you're honestly planning on publishing something, first of all make sure it's worth publishing. And even if you'll try something as cheap as spamming begs for reviews, do it with class. As a real farsant would.
Anyway this is my first flame. Feel happy that I wasted my time doing this. And I only did, believe me, because I have the policy to return reviews. Else this would've just died as one of those stories not even worth peeing on.
12/29/2012 c3 1MusicalEyes
I'm really sorry, but this really did not seem like a story. You're not really developing a plot or anything really. It is just the main character complaining and complaining. First, the main character is complaining about how cruel the teacher is, then he becomes hypocritical by belittling another person. It really was hard to read because it felt like a waste of time.
1MusicalEyesI'm really sorry, but this really did not seem like a story. You're not really developing a plot or anything really. It is just the main character complaining and complaining. First, the main character is complaining about how cruel the teacher is, then he becomes hypocritical by belittling another person. It really was hard to read because it felt like a waste of time.
9/26/2012 c3 5J. Sabo
Good story. The teacher creeps me out. Keep on Keeping On!
-Imagination Publications
5J. SaboGood story. The teacher creeps me out. Keep on Keeping On!
-Imagination Publications
8/28/2012 c1 5Wjiaei
Hey, it's Wjiaei. You read my story a really long time ago and gave me a really nice review. :)
You asked me to read your story, and I'm sorry it took me so long. My account was having problems. For example, I couldn't log on. :(
But I've read it and I think it's a really great idea! Also very well written!
My only problem is at the beginning, when you said "This is not the freaky teddy bear from Toy Story Two" I don't think that was necessary.
But so far I love it and I can't wait to read more! :D
5WjiaeiHey, it's Wjiaei. You read my story a really long time ago and gave me a really nice review. :)
You asked me to read your story, and I'm sorry it took me so long. My account was having problems. For example, I couldn't log on. :(
But I've read it and I think it's a really great idea! Also very well written!
My only problem is at the beginning, when you said "This is not the freaky teddy bear from Toy Story Two" I don't think that was necessary.
But so far I love it and I can't wait to read more! :D
7/30/2012 c3 MindlessApricot
Okay, uhm. Firstly, this is a pretty okay little story so far...However (Brace yourself, I might get a bit harsh here. Deal with it.) are you twelve? Youre not serious about this are you? Have you ever read a proper novel?
Youre exploiting and using every boarding school cliche in existence.
the phrase, Moronic nerd...dont think you thought that one through at all.
When you describe something, dont use 5 different adjectives. Use one or two and make them very effective. Like this, The rolling crystal ocean sounds better than the deep, blue, beautiful, foamy ocean.
The overuse of typical, boring language and cliches make me want to vomit.
You want to write? Then write. Do it well. I hope you use this story for practice and can improve in future. If you love writing then keep going, but please dont write drivel like this. You can utilize humour quite well, continue with that and youll improve.
Okay, uhm. Firstly, this is a pretty okay little story so far...However (Brace yourself, I might get a bit harsh here. Deal with it.) are you twelve? Youre not serious about this are you? Have you ever read a proper novel?
Youre exploiting and using every boarding school cliche in existence.
the phrase, Moronic nerd...dont think you thought that one through at all.
When you describe something, dont use 5 different adjectives. Use one or two and make them very effective. Like this, The rolling crystal ocean sounds better than the deep, blue, beautiful, foamy ocean.
The overuse of typical, boring language and cliches make me want to vomit.
You want to write? Then write. Do it well. I hope you use this story for practice and can improve in future. If you love writing then keep going, but please dont write drivel like this. You can utilize humour quite well, continue with that and youll improve.
7/25/2012 c3 2Viola Chambers
Oh my goodness! (W) Your story was so humorous! Please let there be more (hehe) My favorite line was:
' "Really? My life is in danger...because of a nerd?" ' I loved that part:D All I got to say is...(drumroll)...Love it!
2Viola ChambersOh my goodness! (W) Your story was so humorous! Please let there be more (hehe) My favorite line was:
' "Really? My life is in danger...because of a nerd?" ' I loved that part:D All I got to say is...(drumroll)...Love it!
6/17/2012 c1 44professional griefer
Alright, well, I'm not really here to review your story.
A while ago, you reviewed one of my stories. I thought the review you gave was odd, because you complimented the details. I suck at details. So I thought maybe it was a spam review, or maybe you had low expectations.
Then, the other day, I was reading through someone's reviews, and I found a review you gave them that was exactly the same review you gave me.
Are you so desperate for attention that you would say anything to people? Really, maybe if you put a bit of thought into the review and didn't ask for people to read your story, then maybe you would get more reviews.
Congratulations, though, because obviously a lot of other people have fallen for it.
(by the way, you need better punctuation, spelling, dialogue and plot. just thought you should know)
44professional grieferAlright, well, I'm not really here to review your story.
A while ago, you reviewed one of my stories. I thought the review you gave was odd, because you complimented the details. I suck at details. So I thought maybe it was a spam review, or maybe you had low expectations.
Then, the other day, I was reading through someone's reviews, and I found a review you gave them that was exactly the same review you gave me.
Are you so desperate for attention that you would say anything to people? Really, maybe if you put a bit of thought into the review and didn't ask for people to read your story, then maybe you would get more reviews.
Congratulations, though, because obviously a lot of other people have fallen for it.
(by the way, you need better punctuation, spelling, dialogue and plot. just thought you should know)
6/13/2012 c3 Queen NekoChan
*strokes chin thoughtfully* Well, I spotted a few mistakes, but nothing too serious. A few needed commas here, some misplaced periods there, and a bit of missing apostrophes. Otherwise, THIS STORY IS EPIC! :D
*strokes chin thoughtfully* Well, I spotted a few mistakes, but nothing too serious. A few needed commas here, some misplaced periods there, and a bit of missing apostrophes. Otherwise, THIS STORY IS EPIC! :D
6/13/2012 c1 7SunnyA
This is an amazing story! I can't wait to read the rest of it! I am so captivated by the plot and the characters.
One question: how old is he?
7SunnyAThis is an amazing story! I can't wait to read the rest of it! I am so captivated by the plot and the characters.
One question: how old is he?
6/11/2012 c1 Queen NekoChan
O.O EVIL! *runs away screaming*
O.O EVIL! *runs away screaming*
6/10/2012 c1 2writersmind101
This chapter is very well written but i think you can work more on using some figurative language to amp up the detail. Also, i think the plot line is fantastic. i cant wait to see whaat the climax is going to be. i can feel the makings of an amazing story. Please read and review my stories, The Last Chance, and Life or Death
2writersmind101This chapter is very well written but i think you can work more on using some figurative language to amp up the detail. Also, i think the plot line is fantastic. i cant wait to see whaat the climax is going to be. i can feel the makings of an amazing story. Please read and review my stories, The Last Chance, and Life or Death
6/3/2012 c3 10Vivace.Assai
Okay, sorry for the late review but then looking at how many reviews you got, I don’t think I’m in too much trouble for being several weeks late. But still, the explanation is simple. If you’ve looked at my profile during the month of May, I posted an explanation saying I needed to study for exams and finish final projects so I withdrew from FictionPress for that month. But now I’m back! So let’s begin. :D
[Mrs Penny, ever the 'sweetheart'] Okay. Italicizing and quotation marking the word “sweetheart” is a bit excessive. By this chapter, I’ve already established that Mrs. Penny is hated by Raidan and that he wouldn’t think of her as a sweetheart. I know this is a finicky notice but it can be distracting and the extra add-ons to the word only propelled my attention away from the rest of the sentence and interrupted the flow of the entire statement (what made it sarcastic).
[Wow what the hell am I talking about horses winning Oscars someone's having a late nights well lets continue (normally).] This is a long run-on sentence. I notice that sometimes you write a sentence like how we’d write a stream of thought, which is continuing and long-winding. It does make sense what you’re doing. However, though it doesn’t happen with this sentence, this manner of writing can sometimes lead to confusion for the readers. Adding punctuation helps make this sentence a lot clearer. For example: [Wow, what the hell am I talking about? Horses winning Oscars someone's having a late nights? Well, lets continue (normally).] Much better flow and also it separates the question from the statement.
["Timothy I know {who} we are going to go to today."] I believe it is “how” not “who.”
[The answer to leave this school is, Big Ben, you, me, Rodrigo and Ramon Saviero, Rocco, Salvador, Shinichi, Ziggy, Carl, Reggie and Andre, Stewie, Dylan Ryder. Well what do you think about that?] I suggest revising the sentence in a manner like this: [“The answer to {leaving} this school {is: you, me, Big Ben, Rodrigo, Ramon, Rocco, Salvador, Shinichi, Ziggy, Carl, Reggie, Andre, Stewie, and Dylan Ryder.} {Well, what} do you think about that?] The revisions I made are in brackets. With the list, I just changed the order because thinking about it, if you were listing out names, you would remember the people in front of you (in other words, “you and me” before moving onto others. So it’s just more realistic to list it out that way.
["Well you could try but be careful about that Salvador guy he can get really emotional."] Punctuation appears to the largest grammar error you make so watch out on that. Suggested fix: ["Well{,} you could try but be careful about that Salvador guy{.} {He} can get really emotional."]
But anyways, aside the technical notices, I thought this was a nice chapter. There were a few grammatical and formatting errors but the story was interesting enough I ignored them. I found it nice how you started the chapter with a nerd appearing in the darkness instead of the menace great in continuing the humor you’ve set up. I was actually surprised – pleasantly so. So I liked that turn in plot. I also enjoyed where this plot is leading with Raidan deciding to plan an escape. Overall a nice chapter. All you need is improvement in the technical aspect of writing and this story will be pretty great.
Thanks for the great read and can’t wait for the next update!
Signing off…
P.S.: I hope I didn’t sound too harsh in this review. I’ve been gone for awhile so I’ve lost my reviewing touch – I might sound too blunt. I’m even more uncertain since looking at all your recent reviews, they’ve mostly been just support… though I think concrit is good, right?
10Vivace.AssaiOkay, sorry for the late review but then looking at how many reviews you got, I don’t think I’m in too much trouble for being several weeks late. But still, the explanation is simple. If you’ve looked at my profile during the month of May, I posted an explanation saying I needed to study for exams and finish final projects so I withdrew from FictionPress for that month. But now I’m back! So let’s begin. :D
[Mrs Penny, ever the 'sweetheart'] Okay. Italicizing and quotation marking the word “sweetheart” is a bit excessive. By this chapter, I’ve already established that Mrs. Penny is hated by Raidan and that he wouldn’t think of her as a sweetheart. I know this is a finicky notice but it can be distracting and the extra add-ons to the word only propelled my attention away from the rest of the sentence and interrupted the flow of the entire statement (what made it sarcastic).
[Wow what the hell am I talking about horses winning Oscars someone's having a late nights well lets continue (normally).] This is a long run-on sentence. I notice that sometimes you write a sentence like how we’d write a stream of thought, which is continuing and long-winding. It does make sense what you’re doing. However, though it doesn’t happen with this sentence, this manner of writing can sometimes lead to confusion for the readers. Adding punctuation helps make this sentence a lot clearer. For example: [Wow, what the hell am I talking about? Horses winning Oscars someone's having a late nights? Well, lets continue (normally).] Much better flow and also it separates the question from the statement.
["Timothy I know {who} we are going to go to today."] I believe it is “how” not “who.”
[The answer to leave this school is, Big Ben, you, me, Rodrigo and Ramon Saviero, Rocco, Salvador, Shinichi, Ziggy, Carl, Reggie and Andre, Stewie, Dylan Ryder. Well what do you think about that?] I suggest revising the sentence in a manner like this: [“The answer to {leaving} this school {is: you, me, Big Ben, Rodrigo, Ramon, Rocco, Salvador, Shinichi, Ziggy, Carl, Reggie, Andre, Stewie, and Dylan Ryder.} {Well, what} do you think about that?] The revisions I made are in brackets. With the list, I just changed the order because thinking about it, if you were listing out names, you would remember the people in front of you (in other words, “you and me” before moving onto others. So it’s just more realistic to list it out that way.
["Well you could try but be careful about that Salvador guy he can get really emotional."] Punctuation appears to the largest grammar error you make so watch out on that. Suggested fix: ["Well{,} you could try but be careful about that Salvador guy{.} {He} can get really emotional."]
But anyways, aside the technical notices, I thought this was a nice chapter. There were a few grammatical and formatting errors but the story was interesting enough I ignored them. I found it nice how you started the chapter with a nerd appearing in the darkness instead of the menace great in continuing the humor you’ve set up. I was actually surprised – pleasantly so. So I liked that turn in plot. I also enjoyed where this plot is leading with Raidan deciding to plan an escape. Overall a nice chapter. All you need is improvement in the technical aspect of writing and this story will be pretty great.
Thanks for the great read and can’t wait for the next update!
Signing off…
P.S.: I hope I didn’t sound too harsh in this review. I’ve been gone for awhile so I’ve lost my reviewing touch – I might sound too blunt. I’m even more uncertain since looking at all your recent reviews, they’ve mostly been just support… though I think concrit is good, right?
6/3/2012 c3 3penschooler
I sense a plan coming on! I do ever so love plans (And trying to figure out how the heck they are going to operate)!
3penschoolerI sense a plan coming on! I do ever so love plans (And trying to figure out how the heck they are going to operate)!