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for 35 The Lying Game

4/29/2012 c1 27himawarixxsandz
There's no way I'll be able to write an essay for you the way Teresa did but okay here I go 3

So, like I already told you before, at first, I thought this was about two people who once had everything good-were happy with each other and how they were together, but then, feelings fade-or they think that their feelings fade, and they're just kind of there with each other. They're not talking to each other, just talking AT each other and it's like they have to wear masks around a person they used to be able to be truthful and happy with.

Especially the line on "How did these fake smiles even begin?" this really made me think about a breaking relationship that could be fixed if the two people just tried to understand each other again, because it's like with that line, you put a distinction between when they were truly happy and trusted each other, to when the relationship kind of stagnated.

But after you told me what the subject actually was, I started to see different parts of the poem emerge more. The lines about how it's pointless to hide behind masks separately when there's a possibility of being truthful and actually happy together start to jump out more, and I really like how, regardless of what interpretation is used, the way you ended it has it bittersweet and positive.
4/25/2012 c1 TeeReeses24
Amazing message that you decided to put up there. At first, I thought it was going to be about how strong you decided to be, but then as it progressed, I recognized the real meaning in it. Your frustration and the beginning was only the effects on you. You really dragged me all the way through and I truly believe it's one of your absolute bests and I fell in love with it the first time. I fell really hard. I love all your poems but there's something about this one. Maybe it's the amount of emotion you put in it, because we all can tell that you feel very strongly about this. It's evident in your writing and it really seeped through to me and affected me even though I can't relate to this currently. Your words are very powerful. It's not complex but actually fairly simple but what transformed it into such a beautiful piece was your passion and props to you for that because this is very, very good.

I decided to critique and review in a different way than I usually review for you to prove to you that yes, even though I'm your friend, I'm not opted to say IT'S AMAZING just because I love you but because I really do believe it and I'm 100% sincere. I didn't say anything bad or that you needed to fix anything because I don't think you do. It's literally so perfect the way it is. You have that type of talent so cherish it :)

I actually can feel what you're feeling just by reading this poem and it just makes me... a few moments, cynical, now my heart is aching for you.

Ooh yeah, I also loved how you didn't end with some bang or explosion but with a question. Finally that thing in English makes sense, "Not with a bang but with a whimper" referring to the end of the world. I think your ending is ... beautiful. It's not powerful. Maybe it is in it's own way but I don't get that. I just get... hope and everything beautiful, actually and like all my negative feelings just turn to a smile.

T.T I'm crying over here how beautiful this is, seriously. I felt like you needed a true review from me and not just immense love. Btw, I love the title. I didn't get that vibe that it fit but now I see how it's perfect. Honestly, I have no constructive criticism and I won't reinforce this recommendation, but since the diction in this poem is simple (which I think might essentially make up the emotion) I think you should change up some words a bit and maybe not make the meaning so blatant but let someone read it and be like "wait, wtf" and re-read it. It's not a strong recommendation because I like it the way it is but it's just a different alternative because reading it once was already powerful enough and reading it the second time to review was just, wow. It was pretty mind-blowing, not going to lie.

Now that I look back on it, it's pretty short too so another suggestion could be elaborating a bit more to give it character instead of just direct generalization. It's very relate-able but this is your story to tell. You can talk about some things you gush to me about and later on how it affects you. idunno? Details. asdfghjkl. Nothing wrong with general stuff though :)

Okay, bye lovely. This is too long.
4/25/2012 c1 31HK Shmetty
I loved it! I really connected with it, and, the great thing about it is, I think a lot of us can. The structure, to me, seemed flawless. Keep it up!


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