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for Shattered

11/14/2014 c1 2sarahrdickson
I like the reversal, it really calls attention to the imagery.
5/28/2013 c1 4R. Ficst
Interesting take. The flipping of causation really creates some powerful imagery, and creates a wonderfully strange feeling. Great work.
3/7/2013 c1 1Tess Renee
The first three lines really hit hard. They're very blunt and powerful statements and they immediately take you into a scene filled with emotion and "imagery by omission" if that makes any sense?

I also love the final line, "And the silver back stained my blood". Most people would stick it the other way around and honestly it's more interesting the way you've put it here.

Honestly it's really wonderful. My poetry always has to rhyme (or I feel it has to) and I've never been able to pull of anything without it rhyming. You did beautifully.
1/22/2013 c1 115ArekuKawaii
I really liked the opening two lines because it felt like the most apathetic way to say it. It showed the mood of what I felt was a blank depression. (However you spelled 'shatter' instead of 'shattered')
I didn't like the next two lines because describing it as diamonds and the chime noise completely changed the mood for me. It suddenly seemed like a fantastic dream then an apathetic distancing. (Does this make sense to you?)
I do like how short the poem is however because it helps with the feeling of the opening two lines. It happened and then it was over. That goes well with the 'just to see it shatter...' line.
One thing that this poem needs is punctuation because as is it is one long run on sentence and it seems like it needs a few breaks within it.

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