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for The Dark House

12/24/2012 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Okay, I know this isn't the work you wanted reviews for, but still I'll have to give forth my own brand of civility in return for your kindly PM. After all, I don't really know what else I should do since The Girl With No Name is an ongoing story. Yes, I'm quite a pragmatic person and I really feel like a **** over this very politically incorrect admittance.

Okay, firstly, you have a very strong grasp of creating a simplistic imagery where you can hammer home the picture upon the first few words so as to speak. This is something rarely seen here in this site and you've utterly shamed me for sure. Now I know why you're so daring to pursue your dream. You truly can walk the talk and that's what is truly important. Just to highlight some of your imagery portrayal:

[This morning, however, the small sliver of light that peaked through the curtains became a siren song.]

[Her lips pulled into a smile as she saw the golden world before her. The sunbeams slid over the leaves and blades of grass, causing them to glow with life. The flowers planted around the mailbox across the street trumpeted their colors and pretended to reign over the grandfather trees.]

[The sky pretended to be quiet and humble, but it completely understood its worth and looked over the earth like an aunt examining her sister's child.]

Now that I've reached this very point, I noticed one very distinct style in your writing technqiue. Simply put, the overall imagery was only concentrated during the early half of the story or so. The subsequent transition is basically all character driven since no one will end up expecting a one-shot story to be plot driven. Okay, talking nonsense aside, I believe this very transition prose is what surely defined your class as a writer. In order to ensnare the reader, the first few paragraphs are extremely important and you've managed to paint a poignant picture against Anna's condition. Such a contrast actually made me wanting to read further more. In fact, this is one of the very few times where I'm not distracted by my dad's noisy gadget lol! Of course there are some exceptions to this rule where the insane pulling power actually happened only someway through, i.e. the late Robert Jordan comes to mind.

Of course, I'm not that stupid to compare you with a top class writer because no one here should ever shoehorn him/herself within such a mental boundary. Which comes to mind the parallel between the butterfly and Anna.

You see, I can virtually see it straightaway that everything has an opposite. Anna's case was all about being confined due to her cancer condition and perhaps the most tragic outcome will be happening off-screen so as to speak. The latter speculation is what truly justified such a contrast. The butterfly could never be caged in. It's a free creature unlike Anna herself. This is indeed a picture filled with personal lamentations and perhaps the most heart wrenching part will only come upon the knowledge that butterflies don't really live for long.

It's a two end comparison so as to speak. The conflicting aspect was combined perfectly well with a certain common ground. Anna desired a certain freedom, but she knew it's an unattainable dream. The butterfly was truly free, yet doomed to die early. Perhaps far earlier than Anna and that's where I saw the irony behind the two different situations.

Interestingly enough, Anna seemed to understand what he mother was saying on her inability to cage in the butterfly. Perhaps it's down to her understanding of her terminal condition where she would never wish for the same kind of ending for the butterfly. Great learners like Aesop and Confucius do believe in the whole "do not to others the acts which you never want them to do to you". I can truly see the final logic at the very end literally. Hundred percent.

And the contrast between the fireflies and butterfly. I believe this is your own subtle way to further hammer home the differences and a common ground between twilight and day. That hope will always be coming round the corner if your faith is strong enough. For Anna, we do not know where such a faith will lead her in-plot, but surely she's not one to fall into despair. Unless you're trying to tell the readers on the Christian concept of eternal life. If so, then I don't have anything negative to say since art is never a democracy and neither should it be this way. Yes, I'm quoting G.R.R Martin and I truly have a sad and miserable life through such a nerd mentality lol!

- From RH
P.S: Just treat this as your Christmas gift. You don't have worry about any IOUs. :)

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