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for Wind Blown

1/22/2013 c1 58Inkspilled
I really liked the way the magical realism played out in this story. Although it was the least grounded (no pun intended), it was also the largest running storyline to follow that provided a nice contrast to one storyline and a prologue to another.

Disjointed timelines can be difficult, though. There were points that confused me or could have been further clarified. For example, from the first rooftop scene to the second part where he slaps her it's not wholly clear they're from the same scene, and maybe starting the second scene with her yelling before he slaps her could help clarify that. (I read it the first time without sorting timelines with the numbers, btw).

The stories wove together nicely as it progressed. The picky part of me would have preferred just story two and three with this format using disjointed timelines, and maybe leave one in order at the beginning. 2 and 3 had this building significance that revealed itself as the timelines progressed, but I feel that story 1's effectiveness lay in its use as background knowledge. Anyways, that last bit is just my own opinion. No need to pay any attention to that last thought as it's completely subjective. I enjoyed the read, though. Very interesting little story. :)
1/18/2013 c1 3handna95
This is really spectacular. I like how you cleared things up with each timeline the more you wrote about them. It threw me off at first because I had no idea what was going on but when I figured out the number system, it flowed nicely. I have no complaints except maybe elaborating on the relationship between the two characters but that isn't needed to enjoy the story. Good job on this piece, I liked the flavor of it.
1/18/2013 c1 14Shampoo Suicide
I read this both linearly and disjointedly, and found it worked both ways. Reading it in order (reading parts 1, then 2, then 3 (duh)) revealed the story a little more clearly, though I understand it was an assignment in disjointed timelines.

I'd like to think of the obsession with flying again as sort of an addiction, the way an addict experiences that first high, that first rush, and is forever chasing it.

The magical realism aspect worked perfectly here, as I specifically found the part where they were floating in the air to be beautiful. I'm sure there was a metaphor for something you were going for there, but I may not be astute enough to pick up on it.

I will say I found it odd that he goes from telling her the flying won't happen again to saying "Don't worry, we'll fly." But perhaps he was attempting to be comforting?

Good read!

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